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Sunday, March 19, 2006
New Rule's For The Day
New Rule: Until one of the winners of "America's Next Top Model" gets an actual modeling job, they can't use the name, "Top Model." These women seem nice, but they're not "top models," because they aren't breathtaking beauties, Eastern European or 12. So let's call the show what it actually is: "A Bunch of 9's Taking Sh** From Tyra Banks." What's the hissing?
New Rule: The only drug sold at Wal-Mart should be pot in the parking lot. Wal-Mart has announced that they will now dispense the "morning-after" contraceptive pill, because nothing says to a young lady, "I really care," like a trip to Wal-Mart. Besides, Wal-Mart shoppers already have access to the most effective form of birth control: watching how children behave at Wal-Mart.
 
New Rule: If Tom Delay gets to smile in his mug shot, because crimes are cute, he has to run for re-election dressed as the Hamburglar. "Hey, Texas, I'm a happy criminal! Vote for me!" Also, Dennis Hastert has to run as Grimace. No reason. He just kind of looks like Grimace.
 
New Rule: Stop showing me pictures of celebrities I used to think were hot without their makeup on. If Tara Reid wanted us to see what she looks like first thing in the morning, she'd pass out face up.
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