Sunday, September 30, 2007

HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE
COULD SOMEONE PLEASE UPLOAD SOME GURREN LAGANN CONTENT, SO THAT I MAY I CALL MY MIGHTY SHAFT MY "DRILL," AND TALK ABOUT PIERCING THE HEAVENS, ETC.
DO IT, AND YOU WILL BE REWARDED WITH A SHOWER OF SPERM. I GUARANTEE IT.
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Thursday, September 20, 2007

DENSHA OTOKO HAS NOTHING ON ME
HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. MERE HOURS AGO, ON A SUBWAY RIDE HOME TO MY LAVISH PENTHOUSE APARTMENT, ON MY WAY BACK FROM THE WORLDS MOST VIRILE MAN COMPETITION, THERE SAT ACROSS FROM ME A WOMAN OF ADMIRABLE MAMARY PROPORTIONS. NATURALLY, MY IMMEDIATE REACTION WAS FOR MY DANGEROUS, DEVILISH, DAPPER DOWNSTAIRS DOWEL TO SWELL TO THE ROUGHLY THE SIZE OF A MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL BAT. BUT I DIGRESS. THE IMPORTANT PART OF MY TALE OF UNIMAGINABLE SEXUAL PROWESS WAS THUS:

A RATHER INNEBRIATED FELLOW BEGAN TO HARASS THE OTHER PATRONS UPON THE SUBWAY CAR WHOSE DIJMENSIONS WERE BEING NOW APPROACHED BY THAT OF MY TOWERING MEAT FOUNTAIN. HAVING NOT THE SAME AUDACITY AS I, THEY THOUGHT IT BEST TO LET THE MAN BE. AS HE MOVED FROM PROUDLY DISPLAYING HIS COMPARATIVELY INSIGNIFICANT PENILE PINKY TO THE OLDER WOMEN TO THE YOUNG, BOUNCY AND BOUNTIFUL BEAUTIFULLY BREASTED BROAD THAT HAD CAUSED THE MAMMOTH SWELLING OF MY SWEATY MALE-WHALE, I CLUTCHED TIGHTLY MY TROPHY FROM AFOREMENTIONED COMPETITION, AND KNEW IMMEDIATELY THE APPROPRIATE COURSE OF ACTION. THE LOOK THAT GRACED HIS WANDERING EYES AS MY PULSATING POWER PUMP RUSHED TO MEET HIS FACE WILL CAUSE ME RUMBLING LAUGHTER FOR MANY A YEAR. THE RESULTIMG AROMA OF GIN AND TESTOSTERONE THAT LINGERED IN THE AIR WAS INVIGORATING. I THEN SPOKE IN A DIALECT OF MANDARIN CHINESE IN A FREQUENCY THAT ONLY ELEPHANTS CAN HEAR A WARNING TO THIS MAN THAT THIS BEHVAIOR OF HIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. ALAS, IT FELL ON DEAF EARS, FOR HE HAD PASSED. THE FELLATIO SESSION THAT I HAD EARNED FROM THE MAGNIFICENTLY MILKY MAIDEN WAS INTERRUPTED BY THE GOINGS-ON OF THE NEAREST POLICE OFFICER. RATHER THAN GO THROUGH THE TEDIUM OF FILLING OUT TIRESOME REPORTS AND STATEMENTS, I WASHED HIM OUT OF THE TRAIN AND UP THE STAIRS TO THE STREET WITH A BATH OF ONLY THE FINEST PROTEIN PACKED PUBIC PUDDING THAT I COULD MUSTER. I GUARANTEE IT.
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JAPAN? SUPERIOR? NOT WHEN COMPARED TO MY MIGHTY KATANA...
HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. I'D LIKE TO TAKE THIS MOMENT TO SAY THAT MY UNSTOPPABLE PILLAR OF A THOUSAND ORGASMS IS COMPLETELY EQUAL-OPPORTUNITY. TO THE GREEKS, I AM THE MIGHTY HERCULES THAT SPLITS APART THEIR ROCK OF GIBRALTAR. TO THE HINDUS I AM ZISHNA, THE TEN-HEADED GOD OF DEFLOWERING - AND ONLY FIVE OF THOSE HEADS ARE ATTACHED TO NECKS.
INDEED, THE RECTUMS OF THOSE OF EAST ASIAN DESCENT HOLDS A SPECIAL PLACE UNDER MY RIGHT TESTICLE. THEIR TINY FRAMES CLENCH TIGHTLY WHEN I CRUSH THEIR ORGANS UNDER THE UNSTOPPABLE DRAMA OF MY ANAL ASSAULT. AS RIGOR MORTIS SETS IN, THE TIGHTNESS OF THEIR RAVAGED COLON UPON MY MIGHTY KATANA IS UNMATCHED BY ANY OTHER RACE. NO LESS THAN FIFTY-SEVEN SAMURAI HAVE COMMITTED HARA-KIRI UPON TAKING A SINGLE LOOK AT MY MIGHTY BLADE FROM THE DISHONOR OF WIELDING SUCH TINY EASTERN BLADES AGAINST MY MARVEL OF MANHOOD.
I GUARANTEE IT.
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