Wednesday, May 17, 2006

deep2
i'm tired.
so tired of trying to free myself from my demon. tired of trying to get away from me.
i'm making myself bleed.
i hear the soundof the blood. drip. drip.
silence. i wonder where i am. the light has gone. like so many other things i never noticed it fading, slowly, untill it was completely gone. like how i got here. i was happy, i enjoyede my life.then slowly things faded. i begen rersent myself.After that i began to resent others. when someone tried to help me i refused to leave. this is my sanctuary now. the only way i'll ever leave is by loving myself.which i'll never do.i deserve this place-this monster.
the monster in my nods in agreement. he thinks i'll be quite happy here.
but what if im not? what if i want something new?
he assures me that i won't. he says all i want is him.
he gives me my pills and in a few moments i begin to realize that i agree with him. how could i leave my love.i wonder what i was thinking. now i really wonder what i was thinking. WHERE AM I? TURN ON THE LIGHTS!!!! i dont want to be here. take me home!!!
im breathing fraNTICALLY. my heart's pounding.someone's here. but who? i beg for the lights, and relectuntaly he turns them on. what i see shocks me.
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Monday, May 15, 2006

   extremes
here's another one

abatoirs and pixie dust
telling lies is a must
to look good sometimes you must be bad

plastic faces, paper facades
your future is not based on grades
to be bad you must at first be good

innocence is so surreal
in this world you must appeal
when perfection is lost, inanity is obtained

bloody eyes, hidden despise
everyone planning your demise
anyone will kill you given the chance

christians say that jesus hates me
this soul i have is most disgracing
everything human is considered sin

so im more human since im more sinful
darkened soul abstract and abysmal
can you believe it, judgement day has come

extremites are so severe
these preachers say the end is near
all resolve ultimatly ends in dust

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Thursday, May 11, 2006

   I'm not sure. several have called this deep.
it wasn't me in the mirror, but something bigger. When i gazed at my reflection it was swallowed by the entity that had taken up residence in my home. I've tried exorcisms, rituals, everything. He's been here so long, i guess he's a part of me. But the howling, oh the howling!!! it rips apart my soul with fingers of ice. his deadly music steals me away from life's tender grasp. by his song i am entranced;in that dream-like state, neither asleep nor awake, i sense the begginnings of a new world--so many ideas he has! so many dreams and hopes and emotions! his intellectual level is almost impossible to grasp. adn he is in me!! i feel him inside, tearing his way through my mind, prying into wherever i try to hide. his song controls me, but never for very long. even now his grasp is slipping, like fingers tracing designs in dust. i can see myself again, the montser in my mirror is fading. now i am too! what is happining? im slipping from life again!! i am in his world again, or is it really mine?am i in his mirror, singing a song that tears his from his happiness?am i his monster? nothing's been this clear. the monster's not the enemy! it is me!!
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