Monday, August 16, 2004

   Numb
Today we got to rappel in ROTC,which i love. They wouldn't let me go off the 40ft tower with out a "D" ring. But there is always tomarrow. The only down side is i had realy worn-down glove almost to a hole, so when i decided to go down the skid with out slowing up my brake hand was burnt numb. I still have a tingal in my palm and finger tips.
This weekend sucked i wasn't able to see or even talk to bandit. I almost need a strait jacket toward the end of saterday, and i did need one sunday.
I Love You
by JamesR

My love for you is as cool as the ocean
As we walked through the waves with love and devotion
But on this earth I wouldn't want to be
If you were not here, standing next to me.
I can't believe that I found the woman of my dreams
The one who I want to begin and end my life with
She is the only one who I would cherish
When I always see her I always give the most worming smile
A smile that can be contagious after a while

My love for you is everything
Nothing will mean anything if I don't have you
I will buy you the biggest diamond ring
Because all I want in this world is to be with you
I would never leave you no matter what
I'm glad we have never fought
I love you with all my heart
I never intend us to fall apart

I love you
I want to be with you until the world ends for you and me
I want to pledge to you my undying and ever lasting love
I thank god everyday for giving you to me
I can never control my emotions and all these affections that i have for you
Your love means everything to me
EVER
by Beaver

Ever felt like you don't have friends
Like the world is against you
And the feeling never ends
Ever felt so alone
You don't know what to do
No one for you to phone
Ever felt your tears
Sadness surrounds you
You cant hide your fears
Your not the only one
For I feel that way to
You share my song
This is how i felt almost every day till i ment bandit

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Saturday, August 14, 2004

   IT'S FINALY THE WEEKEND
This week seemed like it was never going to end, but it finaly did, that god. That old saying "every thing that can go wrong will" almost perfectly decribed my week. I was just about to give up luckaly someone saved me,from the bottemless pit i was falling in to.
On the up side one of my friends called me yesterday that i haven't talked to since may.He asked me to look at this booke he found on the net. By the way he bescribed it i thought it was a version of the Necronomicon.
What If?
by Taylor



What if I just left?
What would you do?
Just took my life
It's not like you never knew

It's not like you didn't know
That I hurt myself and took a dive
But know now
That I will no longer be alive

The stinging pain is back
No longer can I stand
I have no where to run
And no where to land

What if I said good-bye?
Would you even care?
You probably wouldn't know
I was no longer there

You don't care
But why should you
I can't help you recognize
And there's nothing to do

Every time I hurt myself
Each and every night
I know I'm closer to leaving
And closer to taking flight

What if this was it?
What if this is the last time I talk?
I could easily leave
And just take one final walk

To the kitchen
To pick up the key
The one thing that can
Set me free

I wish to tell
To all who want to know
I did this for all of you
This is the final show

But this is only What if?
And nothing more
But if I wanted
All I would need is to walk through that door
Blood Shed Due
by Mason Hung

I was out till about twelve thirty last night
Just looking up at the moon
When a bird was heard singing a verse
From a curse called "blood Shed Due"
This strange tune imprisoned my visions
And strengthen my appetite
But not for a plate of pork or steak
I was craving for human life
How sweet mankind meat might taste
If served up with a side
of a Mexican chick with African hips
and slanted Chinese eyes
Cut off the scalp, remove the skin
and take out all the bones
Bake at 350 degrees
and eat until all of it is gone
Scrape your plate, take out the trash
And beware of exotic foods
because sticks and stones might break your bones
but there is Blood Shed Due
That sounds so good i would just love to try it some day. Or better yet be part or it.
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Thursday, August 5, 2004

   DAWN OF THE DEAD
Latly I have bin either to tired or to lazie to update sorry. Mostly to tired because school has started back up and I just can't seam to keep my eyes open in any of my classes. If it wasn't for bandit then I would fall asleep every day in french class. That is the only good thing about this year is i get to see her in french and in lunch.
I just got my reportcard from the college I made an A in welding and a B in college algebra it wasn't hard.
The party I had didn't go to good only six peopel showed, but on the up side i did get to see and got a picture of bandit in a bathing suit Big grin.
WE WON'T DIE!!
by Peter

People threatening me,
Ha, they just can't see,
I won't be intimidated,
Not by you motherf**Ker

Yeah you can hit and beat,
But I don't give a sh*t,
Come for me prick,
You and your f**king big-brother

Think I care if you kill?
It would be a freaking thrill,
And you friend, ha, no more
Don't see the wrongs?

I hope you stand next to them,
Watch them beat me, all them men
Coming for us like they said,
Killing me as promised

For what reason?
Or is it just the season,
Fighting school children?
Pathetic little sh*t

Get it, I won't break!
For gods sake,
Let's see if you dare,
If you come strong like said

Get it you f**Ker!!
Pathetic little s*cker,
Kill us one and all
WE WON'T DIE!!
To My Friends (I Say Goodbye)
by Devils Denial

*** To all my friends, I just want to let you know that I LOVE YA ALL! ***

**************************

My future outlook is so dire,
I feel as if my heart is on fire.
This world is what I’m leaving,
I wonder if my friends would be grieving?

**************************

My heart is burning,
My insides are churning.
In my mind there is no hope,
So let me hang myself with a rope.

**************************

My friends is who I really appreciate,
I better leave before it’s to late.
If only for a little while,
They turned my frown into a smile.

**************************

Helping me see the lights.
During many dark, dismal nights,
I’m going to start confessing,
Whether you believe me or not,
You were all a blessing.

**************************

Lately I’ve been through so much grief,
My poetry was a release,
I’ve given in,
This is my believe,
I want my life to finally cease.

**************************

I’m not going to lie,
Even try and deny,
This is my emotional goodbye,
‘Cos it’s my turn to die.

**************************
I choose thease poems and the titel because I've bin listening to alot of my favoret bands music "murder dolls." the titel is a name of one of their songs.
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Tuesday, July 27, 2004

   This Day Is Going Good
Score a point for all yes answers:
01.) Do you prefer the night?

02.) Do you bite?

03.) Do you bite frequently?

04.) Is blood your major staple?

05.) Do you go a little crazy went you get some blood on your hands?

06.) Do you like the sight of blood?

07.) Do you have a strong lust reaction and start to salivate at the sight of blood?

08.) Were you personal friends with Lief Erickson, Napolean, or Genghis Kahn?

09.) Does garlic bother you in any way?

10.) Do you like steak tartar (if you don't eat food, or you're a vegetarian vampire, give yourself a point for originality)?

11.) Do you drink blood?

12.) Do you go into withdrawl pains or suffer in any way when you don't get enough blood during the day/week/month?

13.) Were you born over a hundred and twenty years ago?

14.) Are you Chaotic Evil during dinner time?

15.) Do you sleep in a coffin or other enclosed space?

16.) Do you go to horror films for the comic element?

17.) Do you leave horror films frequently starving?

18.) Have you ever killed anyone for their blood (give yourself 3 points) ?

19.) Can you smell blood from a block away?

20.) Can you fly?

21.) Do you have superhuman powers?

22.) Can you take on a martial arts master?

23.) Do you have noticable fangs?

24.) Does the sight of a holy man with a religious symbol turn you?

25.) Do you take "life energy" from people?

26.) Have you ever killed small rodents, insects, or cute little Chip?

or Dale for their blood?

27.) Do you pretend to be reluctant/sympathetic over some bad habit you keep repeating?

28.) Has a vampire ever bit you?

29.) Have you ever tasted the blood of a vampire?

30.) Have you ever been close friends with any of the undead?

31.) Giving a choice between dying or becoming undead did you pick becoming undead?

32.) Do you believe in vampires?

33.) Have you ever met a vampire?

34.) Do you not reflect?

35.) Are you immortal?

36.) Is blood or taking blood one of your biggest priorities?

37.) Have you ever tried/considered/accomplished robbing a blood bank?

38.) Do your friends think you're a vampire?

39.) Does your SO think you're a vampire?

40.) Is your SO a vampire?

41.) When you read Alex J.'s fluff, do you go through a deja-vu? (give yourself 5 points)

42.) Do you have those hypnotic eyes that nobody can resist?

43.) Is your favorite color red?

44.) Is your SO frequently prone to extreme moments of being tired?

45.) Do you like neck nibling?

46.) Have you (or will you) outlived your great great grandchildren?

47.) Do you avoid the daylight?

48.) Do you avoid holy water?

49.) Do you giggle at funerals?

50.) Do your eyes turn bizarre colors during feeding time?

51.) Do you dislike manaics chasing you with wooden stakes?

52.) Did you survive the black plague?

53.) Do you dislike getting burned to death?

54.) Would you survive a few bullet wounds in vital organs?

55.) In the midst of overwhelming different interpretations, when someone mentions the word "vampire", do you have a precise image of what this is come to your mind?

56.) Do you write vampire fluff based on personal experience?

57.) Do you not write vampire fluff based on personal experience?

58.) Do you have many excuses (like, they're a child abuser!) for killing?

59.) Do your victims (if they live) ever complain about a sore neck?

60.) Has anybody ever called you a pain in the neck?

61.) Do you like the taste of blood?

62.) Do you LOVE the taste of blood?

63.) Is there nothing in the universe that tastes better than blood?

64.) Can you change your form at will?

65.) Do you stay up all night? (no fair if you're a student, but okay)

66.) Do you sleep most (or all) the day?

67.) Do you make long term financial investments?

68.) Do you visit a grave yard more than once a week?

69.) Do you like to leave your mark on people?

70.) Do you like to sit in the front row around a boxing ring?

71.) Does the man in the mortuary pay you under the counter?

72.) Does it take more than coffee to wake you up sometimes?

73.) When you do wake up, do you often feel like you've risen from the dead?

74.) Do people often say this to your face?

75.) Do you secretly watch daredevils and hope for the worse?

76.) Can you run the hundred meters faster than 8 seconds?

77.) Do you read any vampire fanzines?

78.) Do you have more than 10 vampire books?

79.) Do you have around 50 or more vampire books?

80.) Have you read all your vampire books?

81.) Do you belong to a vampyres electronic mailing list?

82.) Have you seen over 20 vampire movies?

83.) When you do see a vampire movie, do you route for the vampire?

84.) Does it piss you off when the humans always win?

85.) Do you have a favorite blood type?

86.) Do people around you occasionally pass away due to blood loss?

87.) Have you ever passed away due to blood loss?

88.) Were you one of those vampire Doubting Thomas' once upon a time who dared a vampire to show themself?

89.) Did you participate in the California Gold Rush?

90.) Do you carry home soil with you everywhere?

91.) Have you ever been buried?

92.) Are people cattle (opinion type of question) ?

93.) Do you often think your victims deserve what they get?

94.) Do you identify with the hungry hunter?

95.) Does the name vampire enter into your thoughts more than three times a day/night?

96.) Are you a car mechanic or politician?

97.) Do you frequently get blood stains on your clothes?

98.) Have you ever publicly admitted you'd become a vampire under certain conditions?

99.) (let the author know: fill in the blank) To see suggestions for Q.99 so far Click here .

100.) Do YOU think you're a vampire?


Scoring results:

0-12: Let's face it. You're probably not a vampire. But I'm wary of people in this category. Vampirism may be disparate from their own personality, but because of this, it may be a form of a forbidden fruit for them. These people are the most inclined to increase their scores rapidly given the right circumstances.

13-33: You're most likely human. While you have less personality traits in common with the vampire, people in this group might like certain aspects of vamprism as opposed to others. Like, they'd like the immortality, but hate hurting people; or, they'd like hurting people, but would fear getting bored doing it.

34-50: You're still most likely human. But here we start to see people with more and more characteristics of the vampire. Some people in this group would be willing to join the undead given the right circumstances. Others may only now be realizing exactly how much they have in common with the vampire. Still others just love blood a lot.

51-59: If you're mortal and you know a vampire you may not stay mortal much longer. Part of the probability does refer to the future as well, with this in mind, most members of this group are likely to be human, or if they're a vampire, they're probably a newly turned one.

60-74: We see more hard core vampire loving humans or newly turned vampires here. If you're mortal and you got this score, quickly check your results on the Vampire Vulnerability Test. If that is high too, you're in big trouble. You probably like the taste of blood, are entirely nocturnal, and have a wonderful viewpoint for making posts. Then again, if you do get this high of a score, quickly test to see if indeed you are human.

75 and up: You are what you are. And you are a Vampire.
This is a test to see if you are a Vampire. It says i'm mortal but not for long.
Today Planing for the End of Summer party i'm having is going get. I almost have every thing done for the party.
Today i have no welding class so ican't burn my self today you should all feel glad 'but tomarrow i'm going into the shop to weld a special gift to one of my close friends.It is going to be a penny braslet.
Is love, love is...
Is love, love is…

Is love just a word that makes all well,
Is love only used in times of pain?
Is love just a word to get what you want,
Is love just a way to say good luck?
Is love a word to hide your guilt,
Is love a word to say hello,
Is love a word to say goodbye,
Is love a word to say you care,
Is love a word to make you laugh & cry,
Is love a word that means a lot,
Is love a word that is understood?

What does love mean?

Love is the word I say to you….
Love is, a warm feeling whether your near or far,
Love is, the way you care and make me happy,
Love is, the hairs on my neck standing on end with excitement,
Love is, every kiss we have feels like our first,
Love is, waking up & knowing your there,
Love is, everything I do I'm thinking of you,
Love is, cuddling on the sofa in watching a film,
Love is, unexplainable; it's the greatest feeling of all,
Love is, the feeling of being complete,
Love is, what I do to you,
I love you with all my heart,
Love is, forever….

Bandit showed me what love truely is.Check e-mail bandit

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Saturday, July 24, 2004

   NOT GOING RIGHT
I have bin trying to have this end of summer party and keep it a secret but bandit had to dig it out of me with those mesmerizing eye and that devilish smile. But the worst part is the people in charge of the place, were I plain to have this party, keep changing the rules and giving me the run around. Have you felt like you just wonted to be like a movie killer just to get even, that is how I feel now.

The good things are next Thursday my class at the college get out finally, I finally got to see bandit yesterday she thinks I have gone soft so I’m out to prove her wrong so just be on the look out for anything phenomenal on the news. She drove her mom, her nephew, and me yesterday I just have to say she proves bill engvals point about teenage drivers.

Today I have a love poem and a sad poem. The reason I chooses these poem is because I can relate to both poems. The love poem because that is how bandit makes me feel and the sad poem because “killers are fascinating” as it says my favorite is jacks the ripper.

I Pray
My love,
I long for you…
Each and every night…
To have you hold me in your arms…
Where everything feels right…
I miss you so much…
But soon we will be together…
I wish to be with you…
Today, tomorrow, forever…
When we are as one…
Even the gods will envy us…
I put my heart, in your hands…
I give you all my trust…
I know there is so much more…
In life for us to discover…
But no obstacle is to big…
As long as we have each other…
You are so amazing…
In every single way…
In your arms, forever…
Is where I wish to stay…
My princes, My all, My everything…
How can I tell you how I feel…
Just thinking about you…
Makes my entire world stands still…
Every night I get on my knees…
And pray to god that he would be kind…
I wish on every star I see, that you could be mine…
No matter how long I have to wait…
I know that being with you is my only fate…
If I had to give up heaven…
JUst to be with you…
That's one of the many things..
I would be willing to do…
I love you more then words can say
Never to see you is what I fear…
So again tonight I will get on my knees
and pray that god would send you here…
Killers Are Quiet
Killers are fascinating
Human beings with amazing minds
Death To All
Death To Pigs
Hellter Skelter
Messages carved out of blood
In which stains the walls with victims
Victims in which are not so smart
Victims of which gutted like pigs
That are laughed at and despised in which each plunge deepens beneath their skin
Crying blood because of there F*CKING SINS







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Thursday, July 22, 2004

   NOTING BURNT STILL HAVE ALL FINGERS
I have this big surprise I’m planning so I don’t know how much I will be updating. But I will try.
I haven’t burnt any fingers off yet and today I didn’t burn anything, but I nearly grinded my fingers. But I still have next Thursday.
When I got my high school schedule I found out I have French 1 with bandit now I’m actually looking forward to school. I got this one chain letter that I thought kind of described how I feel about bandit so here it is
A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said...no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever....
And he said no
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again
he replied with a no.
She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said....
You're not pretty you're beautiful.
I don’t want to be with you forever.
I NEED to be with you forever.
And I wouldn’t cry if you walked away...
I'd die...
Now I’m starting to sound all sympathetic I guess this is what love makes you sound and act like but it is a wonderful feeling. Especially when I’m around her I feel like I’ve bin missing something and I just found it. When I’m with her I wish time would just stop. I had better go before I sound any more pathetic.


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Monday, July 19, 2004

   BOARED
Today was very, very boring day. But there was one good thing I got the day off of work so I slept in. Unfortunately I had to get up for my stupid algebra class what a boar.

Well today’s poem is sort of love but it really talks about how I see bandit and how I wish she show herself.

You Are A BeautifulPerson (Phenomenal Woman)
You are modest, selfless and kind, too gentle in ego to see
how divine and gorgeous a person you are.
When I tell you... you disagree.
So I hold before you a mirror
its reflection strong and true.
Take a look at the wondrous vision there,
the fabulous, marvelous you.
Do you see the woman I see?
Do you see a phenomenal sight?
Do you see an honest and tender soul who's spirit is high in flight?
The woman you see in the mirror,
lights a path for those who aspire
to be more than their daily circumstance,
a woman I respect and admire.


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Sunday, July 18, 2004

   average sunday
Today is just another boring day. My typical Sunday up early in the morning for work then work around house till 4:00, and then I get to live my pathetic excuse for a life.

I can’t wait for Tuesday when I can burn some metal hopefully I don’t try to weld my glove to the metal again, but that actual sounds like fun now I have a great plan for Tuesday HaHaHa. If there are gapes in my updates then you know my plan worked.

These poems seemed to stand out to me to day and appealed to my nature.
Enjoy

!WAR!
by Devils Denial

The thunder rolls
And the lightning flashes
The nearby trees
Turn to ashes

The planes fly overhead
Am I alive or am I dead?
Shells drop all around
And the dead, litter the ground

The artillery snaps around my ears
My friends fall down
And down come tears
A bomb drops and soothes my fears

The battlefield fades into white
And a silence grips the night
There's no more hurt and no more pain
And I'm with my pals again

Blood flowed in rivers red
And underneath the poppy bed
The fallen lie dead
NOTE UNFOUND
By Jenine

‘If tomorrow I'm not around,
Won't answer the phone call.
And yesterday saw me looking down,
Know I've taken my last fall.

If when you call my name,
And there is no answer back.
Remember all my pain?
The ‘Will', I did lack.

If when you come around,
And ask where I am.
My mother hasn't heard a sound,
Take her hand.

If you wake up from nightmares,
Where I am bleeding from my wrists.
Know I'm sick of the stares,
And contemplated death.

If you still haven't heard from me,
And a week has gone by.
Know no-one has heard my plea,
This is my letter of suicide.'
'
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Saturday, July 17, 2004

   MISERLINESS
My burns finally healed, the reason I got the in the first place is because of stupidity. That is why I didn’t update Thursday my fingers where bandaged up. I was stupid enough to grab red hot metal after I just welded it.

The good thing about this is my mom was really nice to me all day. But then the next day my dad, my brother, and I had to go with my mom to red lobster and then the mall, for her birth day. Luckily I got to go get an application from hot topic and get bandit a few gifts.

On that topic she returns tomorrow I actually a have a smile on some one call the doctor. One of the gifts I got her I’m afraid to give to her it is the official b**** member ship card but it suites her (Beautiful, Intelligent, Talented, Cunning, H----) and on the back it says “BE READY TO GIVE IN. SHE’S GUARANTEED TO WIN!”

In an early post I said I would have a poem a day but the site I got poems from stopped updating, but I found a new site. I decided to post this poem because the author wrote it for his dead friend so her it is.
R.I.P ADAM
By Devils Denial
I am sitting here trying not to cry,
wondering why you had to die.
When I got the call this morning, lots of things went through my head,
and I still can't believe you're dead.
They say you put a bullet in your brain. It seems such a shame.
You were only 23, what was inside you that made you feel you had to end it all with one steel ball?
I know in the last few years we didn't keep in touch much,
but you had so many people who cared, your friends, family and especially your wife, so please explain why you had to end your life?
You were always the one that was ready with a joke, a smile or a laugh,
so what you were you hiding inside that made you feel you had to commit suicide?
You have left everyone in such pain, with nothing to gain.
So many questions that still need to be answered.
We all miss you so much, and are just thankful that even for a brief moment our lives were touched by you.
Wherever you are now, I hope that you can see how much every one cared,
how much we all miss you, and what impact you had on so many people.
And though you are gone from our lives forever,
You are never far from our hearts and never forgotten on our minds.

* R.I.P ADAM *

School starts in 18 day

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Wednesday, July 14, 2004

   ODE DAY
Today has bin both painful and ode. Painful because I got hit with a baseball, a door, and a bowling ball. That is why I can’t with out a limp and have a massive head ach.

The most peculiar thing about to day is what this radio station my dad was listening to was giving away. To lucky caller 12 they gave him/her 3 striper for the rest of the day, I thought slavery was dead. But it gets better tomarrow they’re giving away two twelve pack of beer, and on Friday they giving away both I’m glad I got the number to day I’ll be ready for Friday just joking.

Tomarrow I get to have loads of fun melting metal. Hopefully I don’t do like I did yesterday and and drop molten metal in my hand, luckily I was wearing a glove but it still burnt. One week left of college ya. But the week after that off week we start school.

LATER
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