Thursday, April 19, 2007

   I'm scared...
I really fucked up.
I made Sandie cry this morning and now i'm scared she's going to break up with me.
I won't go into details...
but I wrote her a note explaining why I was in a bad mood.
And she read it
I needed comforting
and when she finished reading the note she just went back to her book
Like she didn't care
So i got up and walked off
Meagan found me..
and told me Sandie was crying
and if i didn't go back
It would most likely be over
I REALLY don't want that to happen
So i went back.
Sandie didn't say much to me
She just stood there with her head down
I hugged her alot and said i was sorry
but she just stood there.
I told her why i left
That i needed comfort and she wasn't even talking
and she said "I wonder why i wasn't talking"
and there was a few more minutes of silence
and she said "don't expect me to be talking much today"
and tried to walk off
I didn't let her
i put my arms around her and held her firm
she didn't say anything to me
Then the bell rang
I walked her to class as usual
and over her shoulder i told meagan silently that i was scared.
she said i should be
We got to Sandie's class
I got a half hug
and i said i was sorry again
and that i loved her.
And she went into her class.
I haven't heard her say "I love you too" or "it's ok" at all.
I don't care what my parents think (tis why i was in a bad mood)
I love Sandie
with all my heart
I trust her more than anyone
and i didn't treat her like it
I walked away and made her cry
How horrible am i?
VERY FUCKING HORRIBLE
I hate myself
I feel like i deserve to die
or at least be brutally injured.
I swear
I swear on my love for Sandie
that if we make it through this
and i really hope we do
i swear i will NEVER do ANYTHING like this again
i let my anger get the best of me
and i fucked up
i'm not going to let that happen again
I'm really scared...
i don't want to lose her
and i'm afraid i might
I'm on the verge of tears here.
I'm so glad Otaku has these posts
cuz if it didn't i'd go crazy
i use it to express my feelings and vent
right now i really just want to cry
but i can't
it's not so much cuz i'm at school...
i just physically can't cry
i've been trying
i really hate myself
and i feel horrible.
I LOVE KYSSANDRA SPRAGUE
and i don't want to lose her
...
that's all, i guess....
wish me luck..
1st block is about to end
so i guesss i'm about to find out if I still have a girlfriend or not...
Bye..

-Wyll
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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Heh heh...yesterday
Yesterday was...amazing
I got to be with Sandie from 1 to 5
And we were alone most of the time
=)
We went to Everett Park
but we got cold
so we sat in the jeep most of that time
We left the park a little after 3
and went to her house
and watched movies
and ate
And i loved it =)
Nothing happened in the jeep
...or did it?
hee hee i'll never tell
Lol

-Wyllis
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Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Okee...
Well Alex and Mike are "taking a break"
But they both don't like it, from the looks of things
They've both been breaking down...
At school even.
I know we haven't exactly gotten along lately
But i can't help feeling bad about it
Before all of this Alex was my friend
Sandie's being friendly with her
So i guess I can too.
I feel really bad for her...
Although from what i've heard she's the one that called it off
Sandie's been trying to help both Alex and Mike.
I don't necessarily like one of those (that she's helping them, not the person) but i'll get over it.
But I'm not scared of losing her
We've been closer lately
There was an..."incident" at the show on Saturday..
My dad's blood pressure went up again.
He almost went tot he hospital.
All this right after his band went on
During the show he almost fell.
I wasn't in there...cuz i had a horrible headache and couldn't take it
I felt horrible.
Sandie left before anyone found out what was going on.
And then not long after she left...the fire rescue came.
I didn't know what was going on...
and then someone yelled "Oh shit, CHRIS!!"
We all ran inside.
And were told what had happened.
I broke down.
Dustin was there for me. He stayed with me the whole time.
I was so freakin scared.
I couldn't stop crying.
And then Katie came up.
And told me she had called Sandie and told her what happened.
And that she was on her way back.
After about 20 minutes she got there.
The windows were rolled down so I could hear Meagan saying "Wait till the car stops!"
And the next thing I knew Sandie was right there
She hadn't waited for the car to stop
She didn't care.
I thanked her for coming back.
Many times over.
She said "Wyll, I would have walked back if I had to"
It meant alot to me that she came back for me.
But that just topped it off.
She's amazing.
I don't know how I got so lucky.
She did what most girlfriends wouldn't.
She came back to help me
No matter what the consequences were for her.
She just wanted to be there for me.
She wrote a note to me yesterday (Monday) morning.
We always write notes but this one had something special in it.
There was a part that said:
"I'm happy i helped you by coming back. I love you, and i just had to make sure you were ok. I knew you would be having problems."
I read that and almost cried.
She is so wonderful.
Through all that we've been through she's been there for me.
I realy am lucky.
I'm thankful for her.
I really hope this lasts for a long time.
If not forever.

-Wyllis
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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

PROXY ANYONE??
Does ANYBODY know a good proxy i could use to get on MySpace at school? It's realy boring when i've finished all my work in my Website Foundations class, so i want to be able to get on MySpace for some entertainment. Plus i'd be able to read my mail and check comments and stuff easier and faster. So yeah....can anyone help me??? Please???

-Wyllis
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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

   Last night was amazing!
So last night
I didn't actually get to see Sandie
but we talked online
and my love for her was strengthened
we were having a little battle through MySpace mesages last night.
We would say I LOVE YOU LOTS and then we'd list "and lots and lots and lots..." as many times as we felt we needed to.
Well the last time, she said at the end "Do i win now?"
And i pasted more "and lots and lots..."
And then at teh end of that message i said:

"The bottom line is
I love you Sandie
ALOT
if you want to win, you did
but i'm the ultimate winner, in my opinion,
because you said yes"

She loved it
I had to get of right after i sent that
i didn't even get to say bye to her.
But she sent me a text message that made me smile even bigger than i ever have before
it said:
"I so totally love you and i'm definitely so fucking in love with you"
=D
And then when i had to go to bed i said:
"I've got to go now...i'm sorry sweetie. i love you lots. Night night, my love"
And she responded:
"Night night my knight in shining armor =)"
Needless to say that made me happy
I was happy all night
She came over to my house over spring break and she got cold, so i let her wear my Crow hoodie.
And yesterday i started wearing her old hoodie
I fell asleep wearing it last night
When i woke up sweating, i refused to take it off
I just opened the windows.
Which turned out to be a bad idea
cuz i ended up waking up every hour or so when some dumbass would rev their engine out on the road.
But it was worth it
I fell asleep wearing her hoodie
The hoodie of the most amazing girl ever
and my girlfriend
The love of my life.
That's it guys
I love her
And i've gotta go do my school work now >.<
Cya

-Wyllis
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Monday, March 19, 2007

o.o
I think the playlist is brokeded...
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Playlistt
Here's the playlist that is now on my MySpace!!

It won't let me put it on my profile...cuz the code's too long. I can't have the playlist AND the CBox, sadly. Oh well. I'll just repost the playlist when it gets pushed off the page ^^

-Wyllis
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Sunday, March 18, 2007

   Things are GREAT
Things with me and Sandie are great
She's the best girlfriend i've ever had.
Today makes 3 weeks, next Sunday's a month.
She said she going to call in to work and request the day off so we can be together on our 1 month.
And yesterday we decided on "our" song
It's "Hanging by a Moment" by Lifehouse.
There's a story behind it as to the reason of why we chose the song, but it's kinda private.
Sorry
So yeah
Just thought i would fill you guys in
I don't think anyone visits my site anymore
But oh well
Byess!!

-Wyllis
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Tuesday, March 6, 2007

   Soo...yeah
Ok so i've been with Sandie for over a week now.
Yayy!!
But things haven't been going so smoothly lately
Yesterday she had ISD (in-school detention)
So I didn't get to see her all day
Well, i did see her butcouldn't talk to her
Then I got home and my dad was pissed
And my baby brother was sick.
SO i wasn't in a good mood.
And Sandie was at work.
So every time i'd text her
It would be at least 20 minutes till she responded
and it was never more than a sentence long
Plus she already wasn't happy with me
Cuz i did something she didn't like.
And Meagan and Tara told her
And i showed her
So i think she wasn't happy with me for it
And i couldn't call her
cuz she didn't get off till 10
that's my bedtime
and when my parents expect my cell phone
to be out of my hands
and in their eyesight.
SO i woke up this morning
wasn't sure if i even still had a grilfriend
because of yesterday
Got to school
As far as I know i'm not single.
She barely spoke to me before school
Of course, I wasn't saying much either
But I don't speak much when i'm in a bad mood.
I haven't goten a decent hug from her since Saturday, even though i've seen her every day.
Idk
it's probably just me.
I hondestly think I have that clinic depression crap or whatever.
It runs in my family
On my mom's side, anyway.
So I wouldn't be surprised.
If I am, i want something for it
Cuz i'm sick of feeling like this.
It happens alot.
I get unhappy over the slightest little thing
Like, when someone i love won't hug me
Or if I feel i'm being ignored
But anyway.
Other than that, things are going good
Sandie probably isn't thinking of dumping me
It's probably just me.
This has happened alot
Alright so yeah...
Later
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Friday, March 2, 2007

   What the FUCK?!
Alright so...
Sandie and I were planing on going to the park tomorrow
My dad wasn't so sure if he wanted me to go because she's 17.
My mom argued with him and eventually he agreed.
Alright so time went on.
THen he called and wanted to ask me some questions about her.
So once that was over he talked to my mom again.
And then when she got off the phone she told me why he wanted to know.
Apparently Farrell was telling my dad some shit about Sandie and her best friend Meagan that she had been told by Aisha.
I find it all hard to believe.
Of course, i never really liked Aisha in the first place.
My mom wanted to talk to me about some of the stuff my dad had been told.
I was exhausted
So i said "i just want to go to bed"
She said "Fine good night" and that was that
So i went to sleep.
Woke up this morning and got ready to go
Was all psyched to get to go to the park
Went downstairs and took the dog out.
Once i came back in my dad siad "Your mother said to tell you to come home right after school."
I just looked at him
He continued "She said if you weren't willing to take the time to talk to her about it because you were SO tired, then you don't need to take the time to go"
WHAT THE FUCK, MOM?!
YOU WERE THE ONE THAT FOUGHT TO LET ME GO!!
Even if any of the shit was true, she's changed!!
She said she's willing to give up smoking just because i don't like it!
But no, my mom won't believe that because SHE wouldn't do it for my dad.
Well two things, mom
1. You've been smoking a HELL of a lot longer than Sandie.
2. SHE DOESN'T SMOKE AS OFTEN AS YOU DO
IT'S EASIER FOR HER TO QUIT
Probably not now, since her boyfriend's parents put so much stress on her!!
When i told her this morning she said "So should i add your parents to the list of adults that hate me?"
What the hell?
Sandie treats me better than anyone ever has
She always asks me if it's ok before she does something
She's told me stuff about herself that she won't tell most other people.
I'M SURE I KNOW HER BETTER THAN AISHA DID
So it's either one of two things
1. My parents are being completely thick-headed and don't want to listen
or 2. They trust some chick they've only met a few times more than they trust me.
Besides, how does Aisha know any of what she was told was true?
Does she have any proof?
I don't think so
Just because she heard something doesn't make it true.
That applies to my parents too.
so waht the fuck...
My parents are being horrible right now.
They've been freaking awesome before.
AND THEY'VE LET ME GO WITH SANDIE TO THE VERY SAME PARK BEFORE W/ THE VERY SAME PEOPLE.
Meagan even said that she'd keep it under control cuz she doesn't want to be grossed out.
Everyone else is ok with this
Except Alex, but she's a bitch anyway.
So why can't my parents just get over it?
I'm a teenage boy
I can make decisions for myself
And i'm going to want to go places with my friends and girlfriend
STOP FUCKING BABYING ME
I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF
DESPITE WHAT EVERYONE THINKS
I'm not just a little helpless kid anymore!
I've got a life of my own, so let me live it myself
If i want your help, i'll ask.
As for Farrell, well you had no business sharing with my dad.
There is PLENTY of stuff I could have mentioned to your parent about Carver and i kept my mouth shut cuz i knew how much you liked him.
Well you knew how much i like Sandie
But that didn't stop you did it?
Thanks
Thanks alot to all of you
But I want to live my own life
SO keep out of my business
If i want advice, i'll ask
If i want you to help me, i'll ask
STOP INTERFERING
YOU'RE RUINING IT
I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY
SANDIE MAKES ME HAPPY
WHY CAN'T ANYONE UNDERSTAND THAT?!
...
Whatever
I've fumed
I vented
I feel a little better now
I doubt anyone will even read this
But i feel a little better about it.
And i probably will until the end of the day
when Sandie gets on her bus and i think to myself "If I hadn't taken the dog out, i could be on that bus with her. On my way to the park to have a good time. Not knowing that my mom said no.
And by the time she realized I didn't know to go straight home
It would be too late.
Why did i take the stupid dog out?
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