Thursday, April 19, 2007

   I'm scared...
I really fucked up.
I made Sandie cry this morning and now i'm scared she's going to break up with me.
I won't go into details...
but I wrote her a note explaining why I was in a bad mood.
And she read it
I needed comforting
and when she finished reading the note she just went back to her book
Like she didn't care
So i got up and walked off
Meagan found me..
and told me Sandie was crying
and if i didn't go back
It would most likely be over
I REALLY don't want that to happen
So i went back.
Sandie didn't say much to me
She just stood there with her head down
I hugged her alot and said i was sorry
but she just stood there.
I told her why i left
That i needed comfort and she wasn't even talking
and she said "I wonder why i wasn't talking"
and there was a few more minutes of silence
and she said "don't expect me to be talking much today"
and tried to walk off
I didn't let her
i put my arms around her and held her firm
she didn't say anything to me
Then the bell rang
I walked her to class as usual
and over her shoulder i told meagan silently that i was scared.
she said i should be
We got to Sandie's class
I got a half hug
and i said i was sorry again
and that i loved her.
And she went into her class.
I haven't heard her say "I love you too" or "it's ok" at all.
I don't care what my parents think (tis why i was in a bad mood)
I love Sandie
with all my heart
I trust her more than anyone
and i didn't treat her like it
I walked away and made her cry
How horrible am i?
VERY FUCKING HORRIBLE
I hate myself
I feel like i deserve to die
or at least be brutally injured.
I swear
I swear on my love for Sandie
that if we make it through this
and i really hope we do
i swear i will NEVER do ANYTHING like this again
i let my anger get the best of me
and i fucked up
i'm not going to let that happen again
I'm really scared...
i don't want to lose her
and i'm afraid i might
I'm on the verge of tears here.
I'm so glad Otaku has these posts
cuz if it didn't i'd go crazy
i use it to express my feelings and vent
right now i really just want to cry
but i can't
it's not so much cuz i'm at school...
i just physically can't cry
i've been trying
i really hate myself
and i feel horrible.
I LOVE KYSSANDRA SPRAGUE
and i don't want to lose her
...
that's all, i guess....
wish me luck..
1st block is about to end
so i guesss i'm about to find out if I still have a girlfriend or not...
Bye..

-Wyll
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