Thursday, June 23, 2005

   Another hopeless day has passed and I feel that I achieved nothing yet again. When will a day pass where I feel like I have accomplished something great, something worthwhile. I have to go to work tomorrow, another night of misery. It's so demening to my name. I feel like I am just a show for others to be amused by, bringing them their food and staring at me with alcohol upon their breathe. It makes me feel so unclean to work at a place that makes me feel like white trash. I was hoping for a better job today but alas that was virtually impossible. From the sounds of it they were just a gimmik, yeah that sounds great to be in a place where you have to sell an item to get paid, I would rather not.... Thanks though. The only thing I have that is worth everything and anything is my beloved Jason. He is the only thing in my life that I feel I can actually be something with. I really crave his attention to much though, especially when I know that he wants to go on the computer. I think I only do it because I want to always have his love. I have lost others so I dont want to loose him as well so I crave him. He is the only thing that keeps me alive and I really am thankful for that. Although I wish that I would be able to live for myself I highly doubt that will ever happen. I feel to low for me to think highly of me. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better day where I can actually feel alittle bit better about where I work, where I am and who I am, i know that will take time but I will wait until then, hopefully its not a long wait. I hate long waits. I had to wait a year once for something I really wanted but let me tell you having to wait that long just makes it that much better. BELIEVE ME!!! I will go until tomorrow though. TOODLZ,
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   Lost in the world
Closed circuits a raging fire

destroys the innocents burning desire

Fatal loins buried the casket

Turnstiles build

Breaking the habbit

Brazen crows shed shadows of threats

Hallucinations grow in the field of death

Crimson puddle dipped in seclusion

Fairy tales height the fantasies of our delusion

Mother board collapsed within the palms of nonsense

In the infatuation of decreped arguments

Stalking shadows growing near

Closing in all consiousness

Deluting all fears

Succumb to betrayal

Realize its haunting presence

Sharp needles of a cactus pierce me

Acknowledgement has a lesson

Invisiblility is a lonely disease

Creep in the willows of the winds rapid speed

Hollow and empty renderless in thought

forthe coming of breath

reckless with guilt

Becoming of memories glance in the mirror

time casts its shadow

new life sheds a tear

Righteous are we human beings lost in ourselves

perfection is what we crave

imperfection is how we dwell

Hardships and endulging in the bliss of exhaustion

full calibration a pictures preparation that terminates the imagination.

Age creeps in faceless foes

Begotten truth lyes with lambs

the moon arises alongside wolves

Shattering howls bring forth the night's revenge

Casting a spell to break an hourglass's sand descends

second by second, step by step.

Raging fate watch us float down the river

Virus infection, hard drive fried

crusified technology

evolution denies in the very precision in the calculation subsides

Prey ammong the weak

Battle along the strong

Engulfing life's tender song

Sweet lullaby, lulls dreams

subconsious in a fluster

eyes drained at the seems

Crystals shatter in the mouth of soverienty

Peaceful re-enactments blending choices to destiny.

I wrote this a while ago but I thought that it would be the perfect start to my journey writing, getting back the old smell, and taste I once aquired from years of pain and heartache. I believe that over time and believeing that I will be able to write like this again will help me to be able to begin....
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