Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Dear, my friend...
People are always going on about peace on Earth and making our world a better place, but who ever really develops a plan to make it so? Godel does, that's who--and my method is both simple and failproof:

Mandatory Reproduction Licenses

Think about it: if every potential parent underwent a series of tests, revolving around a number of concepts that are mandated when it comes to parenting, we wouldn't have nearly as many problems as we do today.
Achieving a License to Reproduce will be just about every one's idol and first priority. They will teach you, in school, the qualities that make some one fit to involve one's self in fornication resulting in offspring, including everything from basic hygene to the ability to not condone fire arms. If you are failing the specifics of these concepts, sorted per grade level, you will not be allowed to move on to the next grade, regardless of your academic ability.
Additionally, if a child is to start spouting cult-based nonsense to do with the source of their intolerance or utter stupidity, their parents will be brought into consideration, scrutinized. If it turns out that little Jessie's mommy and daddy have been telling her that she is worthless because she is a girl or that gay people ought to be shot, they will be stripped of their license to reproduce, have their child taken from them and placed in a foster home, and jailed for ten years, a sentence involving societal values rehab.
Little Jessie will be put in a loving home, where she will be taught by her caregiver(s) real values, ones that will enable her to earn her LtR, when that time comes around.
Additionally, if a parent dictates that they do not want their child to be part of sex education class, the same consequences will be put in place. However, in this case, the parent will have to, themselves, undergo remedial sex education, to ensure that they are properaly equipped with the knowledge to do with just where their little Bi Wei, Marten, or Rajan came from.

Teenagers will not only be better educated about what parenting involves, but will be aware that becoming or getting some one pregnant is, in fact, an illegal action for them to partake in. Teen moms and dads (even if their doomed offspring were mere fetuses at this point) will fall under the Youth Protection Act, though they will still be punished for illegal reproduction.
If 20 weeks old or younger, the fetus will be aborted; if older, birthed. However, the child will immediately be taken from the mother and father, to be given to a parent or set of parents who are licensed to handle raising a child properly.
After all, no teenager (or any person under 25) is old enough to have a child, let alone children.

Branching off this, repeated acts of illegal reproduction will result in one being stripped of one's license to raise a child as well as the removal of the sex organs. This will ensure that no more "mistakes" will occur, along with being a magnificent disinclination to have unlicensed babies.

Once you attain a license, it is good for ten years, after which it must be renewed, but while in possesion of an expired or non-existant LtR, sex without the use of contraceptives will be a crime punishable by ten years, minimum, of jail time.
If contraceptives of a specific type or brand are proven faulty, the company responsible will be scrutinized and quite possibly shut down.

Any one, regardless of sexual orientation, race, gender, or social status, may apply for a License to Reproduce. This piece of plastic and set of documents will affirm that you have passed all the tests that make up the bare bones of a compitent parent.
No names will printed on the test, when handed in for grading, only numbers, of which every one will be assigned one. Those reviewing the test will not be able to discriminate on the basis of race or gender because of this.

This license will also be required to adopt a child, naturally, and any one attempting to adopt illegally will be jailed instantly.

There will be some exceptions, however, in the case of faulty contraceptives (as addressed earlier) and rape. A woman who becomes pregnant without her consent, through such means, will be given the choice of keeping her child and taking the test or merely keeping her child and putting it up for adoption.
Rapists, when caught and their guilt affirmed, will be relieved of their testicles and placed in prison for a minimum sentence of fifty years. After this, they will not be allowed to attain a LtR.

Child molestors, or molestors in general, will be jailed and relieved of their ability to earn a LtR, but would be allowed to retain their sex organs.
The same will apply to child pornographers or those taking pornographic images without the consent of the victim.

Murder will, of course, end in your lack of a LtR.

Remember, kids, study hard and be nice to your neighbors--bad little children don't get to procreate.^_~

***

And, yes, "Engrish" is being updated regularly again.

Also, join the RPG started by Wondershot, "Senpai", by heading on down to the Inn.

I joined, Sara joined. If you don't join, you're not cool.
Comments (8)