Saturday, May 7, 2005

Dumb people suck.
For my 30% final science project of the year, I decided to report on life on other planets. By this, I intended to focus upon necessary elements and environmental factors, allowing for the existence of cute little micro-chaps.
However, THE INTERNET seems to be convinced that over 72 separate breeds of alien life are currently in cahoots with the US government and are going to eat us or something.

Click here to learn the details of the ALIEN MASTER PLAN.

...

Fucking idiots.


I was reading the paper this morning, about how some kids from a private school created a "chat board", which was then bombarded by pro-Hitler bullshit. Some kids got expelled and suspended from their prissy-bottom education place and, of course, it's all the internet's fault. Everything is the internet's fault.
Your kid being picked on at school? Blame the internet.
Your kid failing school? Blame the internet.
Your kid watching porn? Blame the internet.
Your kid swearing? Blame the internet.
Your kid saw that one VG Cats, then set off to cut off your neighbor, Tommy's, balls? Blame the internet.

It astounds me that any one would publish the words, "...is concerned that his daughter spends time on MSN."
OH NO NOT MSN GOD HELP US.
Jesus Christ. Technophobia is the lamest god damn thing on the face of the planet. If I'm ever stopped in the street and asked if I think [insert something fun and cool here] is to blame for cancer and also Tycho killing his wife, I'm going to shove a third-party wireless mouse down whoever stopped me's throat, then run away, smashing in the windows of any store that sells products that don't require electricity to use properly, barring books, because books are books and awesome.

And know what else is lame? Old people trying to publish guides to emoticons and internet "lingo" so parents can "keep an eye" on their kids. If by keep an eye, you mean ignore them entirely, then show up and freak out because the conversation contains the words "snot" and "piss".
Honestly: if it was worth worrying about, your kids wouldn't let you know about it. Therefore, there is nothing you can f'ing do about it and Jan Wong is dumb and therefore sucks.

GAH.

Idiots. They're everywhere! They run our civilizations!

Excuse me while I go stab some random soccer mom in the face.
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