Thursday, May 13, 2004

As I do not envision myself having any amount of free time to post tomorrow, I will speaktype a little early… I, Godel, hereby declare May the fourteenth of every year henceforth unto the end of time (or at least humanity) Sorry For Sucking Day. On this day, every person, regardless of age, gender, race, sexual orientation, status, or position* is entitled to the right to suck. On this day, no teacher, parent, boss, co-worker, friend, family member etc… is permitted to take any degree of action against some one who sucks in any situation.* Didn’t do your homework? Came into work three hours late? Took your friends character sheets home by accident, resulting in their being eaten by your dog? Failed a test? Spilled hot soup on that one guy you were sitting next to when the subway jerked to a stop? Forgot your credit card after eating a $200.00 meal at a fancy restaurant? Failed to remember your friend’s birthday? Well, sorry for sucking. On this day, no one may continue to hold any obvious beef about what any one else may or may not have done/failed to do. Any one caught taking part in such a heinous crime is to be fined $3000.00 on the spot (regardless of whether you’re starving as it is) and will be forever more banned from taking part in Sorry For Sucking Day. Similarly, any person who goes out of his or her way to not suck** is to be issued a stern warning and forbidden from participating further in the current year’s Sorry For Sucking Day. Assignments of any sort (whether they be school or work related) are under no circumstances to be expected completed on May 14th. No foolish*** squabbles are permitted to take place. General and overall suckage is welcome and expected by all.* I hope you will enjoy tomorrow and every May fourteenth for years to come. *The exceptions to this rule are those who are in a position from which they can easily bring harm to great numbers of people. World leaders, soldiers, and any one armed in any fashion are exempt from this holiday and are to be shown no lenience if they are to commit a crime or perform a stupid act, resulting in the hurt or death of any number of people/animals. **Going out of one’s way to not suck entails performing jobs/duties that one normally would not do/would be better off not doing in any respect. ***Foolish implies wearisome, spite-sprung, unreasonable anything that we are all better off without.

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