Sunday, March 5, 2006

   Daily Family Guy Quote
Schnieder: Oh, I'll fix your sink Ms. Romano, and by "fix your sink" I mean I'll have sex with you, and by "have sex with you" I mean I'll fix your sink, and by "sink" I mean your reproductive organ, and by "reproductive organ" I mean the thing between your knees, and by "the thing between your knees" I...well I guess that one's kind of self-explanatory
Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, March 1, 2006

   Daily Family Guy Quote
(Lois reading Meg's diary with the rest of the family gathered around)
Lois: Dear Diary, Kevin is so hot. Today he was raking the yard. God I wish he'd throw me into that pile of leaves. (Laughter)
Meg: (Walks into the room) Hey what's everyone... Oh my God! You're reading my diary! I HATE YOU ALL! WHAAAAAAA! (Runs away crying)
Peter: (Opens beer) Keep going!

Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, February 25, 2006

   This Shit is Funny!

Comments (2) | Permalink

   Daily Family Guy Quote
Lois: So doctor, is Peter healthy?
Doctor: My goodness, you'll be dead within a month.
Peter: What?
Doctor (revealing comic he was reading): Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle of pillaging and eating giant turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month. Now, onto you.
Peter: So, what do you think? Pretty healthy, eh?
Doctor: Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results. Argh! There's a spider in here. Now, here we go. Mr Griffin, you're going to expire in a month.
Peter/Lois: Argh!
Doctor: This is your driver's licence, isn't it? Now, unfortunately, I'm afraid you're going to die...
Peter: Argh!
Doctor: ...when you watch these Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.
Lois: Will you just tell us how Peter's health is?!
Doctor: Ah, Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite sure how to say this. Kim Bassinger? Bass singer? Bassinger? But now, onto the cancer.
Lois: Oh my goodness!
Doctor: You are a Cancer, right? You were born in July? Now onto these test results. My, they're much worse than I thought.
Peter/Lois: Oh!
Doctor: My son got a D minus on his history test. Now Mr Griffin, that liver's got to come out.
Lois: What?!
Doctor: It's been in the microwave for three minutes, it'll get dry. Now-
Lois: Please, please, we can't take any more schtick.. Please just tell us, is Peter healthy?
Doctor: Oh, yeah, he's fine, he's just really fat.

Comments (3) | Permalink

Friday, February 24, 2006

   Daily Family Guy Quote
Lois: Hi honey. How was your physical?
Peter: Good. Good. Good...yeah, yeah. Too good, in matter of fact. You know what the doctor said? Doctor said I was too healthy. You know? In too good of shape. Don't even know how. Too good of shape.
Lois: You didn't go to your physical, did you?

Comments (1) | Permalink

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

   The Ultimate Love Song
Blues Brothers-Everybody Needs Somebody To Love

We're so glad to see so many of you lovely people here tonight, and we would especially like to welcome all the representatives of Illinois' Law Enforcement Community who have chosen to join us here in the Palace Hotel Ballroom at this time. We do sincerely hope you'll all enjoy the show, and please remember people, that no matter who you are, and what you do to live, thrive and survive, there are still some things that make us all the same. You, me them, everybody, everybody.

Everybody needs somebody
Everybody needs somebody to love (someone to love)
Sweetheart to miss (sweetheart to miss)
Sugar to kiss (sugar to kiss)
I need you you you
I need you you you
I need you you you In the morning
I need you you you When my soul's on fire


Sometimes I feel
I feel a little sad inside
When my baby mistreats me
I never never never have a place to hide
I need you


Sometimes I feel
I feel a little sad inside
When my baby mistreats me
I never never never have a place to hide
I need you you you
I need you you you
I need you you you
I need you you you
I need you


You know people when you do find that somebody
Hold that woman, hold that man
Love him, hold him, squeeze her, please her, hold her
Squeeze and please that person, give 'em all your love
Signify your feelings with every gentle caress
Because it's so important to have that special somebody
to hold, kiss, miss, squeeze and please


Everybody needs somebody
Everybody needs somebody to love
Someone to love
Sweetheart to miss
Sugar to kiss
I need you you you
I need you you you
I need you you you...
Comments (1) | Permalink

   Valentine's Day....
"Lady:The World Will End on Feb. 14 2016.Peter Venkman: Valentine's Day, Bummer."-Ghostbusters II. Valentine's Day is the one day everyone shows love. It really gets to me. Love Songs Are Played All Day. Valentine's Day Specials or Valentine's Day Themed Sitcom Shows. God, I Wish I Could Celebrate It One Day. Sort of. Last Year, My Friend Alex Was Tricked Into Buying A Valentine For Somebody And Got Me and My Best Friend Albert(ThisGuy) Dragged Into It. They Got The Short End of The Stick. I Got The Super Beautiful Teenage Girl Who I Ended Up Falling For. I Never Had The Guts to Really Ask Her Out. But That's Because I Felt Like Her Friends Were Watching Me. And They Still Do. It's Fucking Creepy,But I Will Never Forget Alejandra Solano's Beautiful Face. Damn, She Was Beautiful. I Should Stop Talking. I Have Nothing Further to Say Without Embarrassing Myself.
Comments (0) | Permalink

   Daily Family Guy Quote
Trisha Takinawa: Here comes Mayor Adam West himself. Mr. West, do you have any words for our viewers?
Mayor Adam West: Box, toaster, aluminum, maple syrup... no I take that one back. I'm gonna hold onto that one.

Comments (1) | Permalink

Saturday, February 11, 2006

   Daily Family Guy Quote
Wilford Brimley: Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee, and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe, and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago, I ran out of Vanilla ice cream, and struck my wife. Then I find out, my wife's been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?!

Comments (1) | Permalink

Friday, February 10, 2006

   Daily Family Guy Quote
Peter walks out from the basement wearing a sterilization suit)
Chris: Oh my God! The government is here! Run E.T. run! (E.T. runs across the screen screaming.)
Comments (1) | Permalink