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myOtaku.com: Goldenknight
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Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
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Sunday, September 18, 2005
Broken Soul
When a person's soul is broken his fragments are scattered like the wind in places people haven't even travelled. Deep within themselves they must go. My soul is broken and scattered and I must travel into my own heart. I must travel beyond a door that has been locked away from everyone even myself. Do I fear what I might find? Yeah because there is so much that I've kept hidden, especially from you guys. You guys still wish to stick by my side though. If only you guys knew, then maybe you could help or maybe you can understand,but how can you understand or know anything when I don't even know. I'm sorry.
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Friday, September 9, 2005
Debating Something
I've been wondering about something. I was thinking about leaving the otaku. What do you guys think I should do? Its just so much thats on my mind right now and I don't really know how to take care of it. I might change and be something you guys might hate and I don't want that. Later.
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Monday, September 5, 2005
Went Away
I had to go away and do some soul searching I guess. I went to a place where I had solitude and I could meditate. I was real deep into it but I think you guys might not understand what happen. Eithere that or you guys might think I'm crazy but I'm not. I had some issues to take care of. Not just about my situation but to kinda settle up with the past. My heart has changed some now since I went and did my meditation. Things have changed within. To be honest, I'm kinda like Cloud was when he was looking for himself. I haven't quite found myself yet but I've got plenty of help to guide me in the right direction. Dead souls and living souls are helping me. I wish I could tell you guys everything about me, but until I take care of everything certain things will remain closed off. Later.
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Thursday, September 1, 2005
 Last Friday
Haven't been around I see. Um I'm going to be very serious for a moment. Last Friday I almost did something that I would have regretted. I was completely down and hurt and I came very close to taking a blade and ending it all. I mean I'm tired being Mr. Nice Guy all the fucking time and I get nothing in return. I try to be the best person I am and no one seems to want that. It truly sucks. Everybody around me is all happy with their bfs or gfs and I'm the only one lacking in that department. Everyone keeps telling me that being single sucks which is suppose to make me feel all great inside. I don't know. I'm just wondering why do I always have to wait for something good to happen to me. I'm a great guy I think but I'm always having to wait on the majority of things in my life. I don't know I guess I'll go now. Later.
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Saturday, August 13, 2005
Don't Worry
Look I told you guys about my dad because I trust you but I don't want you guys to worry about me. Tough things come my way all the time. I can handle it. I'm a student of risk taking 101. LOL. I'm taking a risk on my own. This is my problem and no one else's. This is just like this girl Jilisa. I'm taking the risk to love someone again and she just so happens to be that girl I love. I've learned that taking risks is what I must do because life doesn't give me much choices. That just like one of my dreams to have an easy life. No worries. Just carefree living. This is my decision to settle things up with him. This is where my loner side really takes control because I wish to handle it alone. Just don't worry about what shouldn't be worried about. Later.
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Poem #25
Hope
You told me that you and
I could never be because,
to me, you have no hope.
For every dead flower, there
is hope that two more beautiful
flowers will blossom in
its place.
For every "evil" person in the
world, there is hope that
there are "good" people just
the same.
For every moment that I
think that I will turn into
him, there is hope that
I will remain myself, and
if there is hope for that
then there is hope for me
and you.
Everyday, when the day turns
into night and night turns
into day, there is always
hope in my heart.
That hope that drives me
everyday to be better
than what I am.
That same hope that burns
in my eyes is the same
hope that is lost in yours.
I know you've been hurt
and maybe I can't be
what he meant to you,
but the hope is always
there for a new beginning.
Love is such a hard thing
to come by sometimes,
but there is hope that it
can be obtained.
All I ask is that my love
for you and my hope to be
with you is given a
try before you exstinguish
those flames like you've
done yours.
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Poem #24
Rare Breed
I am apart of a rare
breed of men living in a
world where I am
cast aside because I
do not run with the
normality that surrounds
me.
Because I am not the
kind of man that talks
to his woman like she
is beneath me or like
a pile of crap, the women
overlook me.
Because I am apart of
this rare breed of men
who rather first love the
woman before I love the
body, I am classified,
by the men of today, as
a guy with no balls.
Because I have goals and
wish to do something with
myself, I am forced to look
in every small space for
a person to love while the
guy who lays up on the
couch and wants a woman
to take care of everything
for him can get a flock
of girls to follow him
no problem.
Because I am apart of a
rare breed of men who
has a code of honor when
it comes to the treatment
of women, the men have
classified me as a traitor.
Because my looks are not
up to par, though from a
rare breed whose respectable
and has an open mind to
everything, I can't even
get a hi from a vast
majority of women.
Because I keep to myself
and not all into the trends
that are glamorized on
t.v., I am classified as a
weirdo.
Because I am apart of
a rare breed that tells
things like it is, poetry
like this makes people
mad.
I am apart of this
rare breed of men and
nothing anybody says
or does will change me.
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Personal
Well sorry its been a while. Had some personal stuff to attend to. Here's what has happened to me. You guys know how much I hate my dad, but I wish to see him. It's real important to me and before anybody asks why I'm not going to tell you why except for to get answers. Well I got a number and called and it was to my uncle's and grandma's place. They told me all the shit he's done. He sold drugs, used a dirty needle and now has aids. He's also locked up in jail. He's about to die also. He sent me a letter. Some of the things he said in the letter is a bunch of shit really but I don't know I still have to keep going with my decision. I'm going to have to go inside a prison and see him for the first time but eh whatever. Walking into prison seeing for the first time might feel kinda like death but guess what. I don't fear death. The only thing I fear is turning into him but.........nevermind. Well I'll try to put up some poems. Later.
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Monday, June 20, 2005
Brolly is the man.
I just have to say that Brolly is the best damn DBZ villan. I mean lets look at it. If you can make my boy Vegeta act like he doesn't even want to fight. You are good. If you beat the shit out of three most powerful saiyans at the same time you deserve the title of best villan. Come think about it, who do you guys think is the best DBZ villan ever. Oh yeah my favorite line Brolly had in that movie was when Piccolo asked him did he always go after the children first and he responded,"What do you expect from a true freak" . Well nothing much left. Later.
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Poem #23
I came up with this one after I was listening to my Cowboy Bebop cd. Here ya go.
Saxaphone Solo
As I lay here thinking
of you, I have a
saxaphone solo playing in
my ear.
My eyes close as I
begin to go to sleep
with the saxaphone
solo still playing.
I dream of the
moments that I wish
me and you could
share.
From a kiss beneath
the moonlit sky all
the way up to a
slow dance in the
rain while the
starlight reflects off
your beautiful brown
eyes.
I dream of the
moments where I
want to love you
like it's the end
of the existence we
know.
But in a flurry of
my hopes, in a
flurry of my dreams,
and feelings, I
awaken from this
dream only to realize
that it was a dream,
and only to awaken
to that same saxaphone
solo coming from my
headphones.
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