Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Happiness...
YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!!!!!

Heheh, yes. We came up with this during Language Arts while playing FreeRice.com. But, with much prodding, Scumbi let ME keep it! It is very hard to get her to accept terms such as that, but somehow I have my hands on Captain Deebs. xD
Okay, I'll start from the beginning. It looked like this:

Esophagus means:
1. Airship
2. Something I forgot
3. Gullet
4. Something else I forgot

I had to click on which one was correct, so naturally the thought came into my mind: "Esophagus" would be an AWESOME name for an airship! So, yes, I got the question wrong, but it was worth it.
So, of course, we had to come up with the cap'n of this airship. (Or more like a blimp... xD) Scumbi had the name "Deebs" in the back of her mind from looking at the last names in her animation guide. WHAT A COOL LAST NAME! So. Cap'n Deebs was born. He wears a purple tuxedo and a red tie with white polka dots on it. x3 And he has a stubby brown ponytail!! And a red ribbon to match his tie. I can see him bopping people on the head all the time. Just a symbol of power. It doesn't hurt all that much. He is a complete fop and he's rather feminine.
"Fetch me my pipe." (Except for that part. That's his attempt at being masculine.)
But anyhow.... he has a first mate named Zimmerman. x) I don't know much about him yet, except that he's the navigator and the repairman for their precious Esophagus. But they have a backup blimp named Diaphragm in case they need it. (Nathen made that up.)
Gah. D: They sound stupid, but they really are awesome.
They have a cabin boy named Seth. x) Deebs adopted him and... yeah. I can just imagine him cleaning the hulking balloon by just hanging onto a swing and hoping not to poke holes in it with the squeegee.
Heheheheheheh... xD But they're all mine! My pirates of the sky. But I bet that they spend their entire wealth on repairs to the rather fragile blimp. So... it's rather pointless if you think about it. xD Oh well.
Oh! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help me come up with first names for Deebs and Zimmerman. I would be rrrreeeeeaaalllyyy happy.

And yeah. I think Julia and Holly are going to lend me a pile of CDs for my iPod tomorrow. I feel so loved! And I get to have Brittany for keeps starting on Friday.
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Sunday, March 9, 2008

...
My stupid laptop is malfunctioning, and I feel just as good as it feels... xD Blegh.

But my devart is parisisforlovers, if you care to check it out. ): It is rather unpopular. And yes, I know the username's really stupid. xD
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Thursday, February 28, 2008

-runs and hides-
-sigh-
I shall now post what I have of Fay's death. Don't get your hopes up on how good it is. D:

His violet eyes: they were a window into the unknown, oblivion stretching far beyond the boundaries of one's conception. But they were full of pandemonium, lacking the energy and ambition that average beauty throws at the beholder. His life had become his hell.
Those eyes stared upwards, unfocused, on the pallid face that had been shattered like glass. It was his mask, easily morphed to conceal his heartache. Now that his life was draining away, it had become even more livid.
It appeared as if he was resting in a pool of ink: his hair was the only part of him that seemed alive.
Fay felt feverish, and he knew that the creaturewithin him had almost devoured its fill of the milky liquid that was once his soul. Nothing could be done about it, of course, but staring up at somber curtains in a grayscale room didn't satisfy him. He needed to stop Fenrir.
The room was soundless, the silence echoing throughout it. His withered form lay in the wisp of ashen light that weaved its way through the drapes. But there was a murmer that only Fay could hear deriving from the depths of his mind. Fenrir's woice was pleasant to listen to but there was a veiled tone of mockery in it. Otherwise: it was a poorly made replica of Fay's own voice, but still an acceptable resemblance to his long dead conscience.
Faint sirens wailed in the distance, and the voice in Fay's head gained a note of panic. "Fay... we have to get up NOW."
Fay's empty eyes flickered to the pocket of his shabby overcoat....
I'll finish when I write more. o.o Comment?
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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

-sigh-
......
I'm really, really, sad. And really selfish that I'm feeling sad.
This ongoing headache of mine has sucked everything out of me. It's as if I'm a different person. I'm terrible to my friends, and to everybody else as well. I don't deserve what I sometimes think I deserve. And now my creativity is gone. I can't draw or write any more. It's impossible. And I feel selfish to wish for it because everybody else is having a creative boom right now. It really is the only thing that I love, my only tie to an understanding of myself.
I feel as if I need somebody to adore me, to obsess over every whim of mine. That would be nice. But it's impossible. Since I'm never worth it. And everybody else comes first. Even my characters think so, and they've ditched me.
And you say things.... they're nice, but I don't think you mean it, whether you meant it or not.
And..... I feel ashamed for the things I'm good at, the things I have. There are much more deserving people out there for it than me. I really wish I could give it away, but I can't. It's a waste on me.
Please.... PM me. I feel lonely here all by myself.
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Saturday, February 23, 2008

Spurting nonsense. xD
I don't really know what to say... xD I'm such a boring person.
I've just been having trouble writing my next scene, since it has to be really emotion-filled, but not cheesy. And almost nothing happens and I wish to make it really long. I think it's too hard for me, since I'm eternally angry at how I've written it. It needs to be sentimental and make people cry. Ah, oh well.
The current character I'm obsessed with: Virgil. I can sum him up in two words: sadistic surgeon. Oh gah, I love him. He's so... MEAN. He has square glasses, blood red eyes (from severe head trauma), and black hair. His job is perfect for him: he gets to make fun of the person's pain, then cut them open. He could completely convince you that you're going to die, but then whatever you have isn't very serious. Even when he's trying to be nice... xD I can imagine him getting deep secrets out of the people coming out of anesthesia and subtly saying something about it later. It'd play with their mind. xD
He has a (former) "legal guardian" named Louis. And Louis is only 5 or 6 years older than Virgil. Louis is like this mad scientist guy who's locked in his lab all day. He gets, like, murderously angry if anybody comes close to his house. He yells insanely until they go away. He's also really mad at Virgil for no reason all the time, even though Virgil is the only person on earth he likes. But Virgil's used to it. It's the way Louis shows how he likes him.
Ah, but Virgil has so much power at work, but then he goes home and submits to Louis. Maybe the reason he's so mean is becauses Louis rubbed off on him.
I made it rather sci-fi-ey... I dunno why, cause I felt like it? Virgil has amnesia. He has no memory of before he was 15. And all Louis knows is that he fell of a very tall building and had "severe head trauma." He doesn't know why he was there. Was he pushed off? Did he just trip and fall off? Dunno. But people left him for dead there on the sidewalk. So Louis came and brought him home. He dismantled his precious robot to use to complete Virgil: he has a part-mechanical brain, a robot shoulder and a hip. He bled into his eyes, obtaining his current eye color. Every opening in his head bled... eeurgh.
But ever since, Louis has spent all his time trying to rebuild his robot, to find all of the parts he's missing. Nobody knows what he actually does all day in that room. Virgil was his only success... so he's the only person he can tolerate.
Okay, fine, I'll stop. xD I'm just boring you all to tears about my characters.
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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

-smile/smirk-
As if on cue, the world is singing a lighter song into my head- sending my mood to the limitless sky. I'm not happy, no, but very content with my surroundings. One main observation is that people are listening to me some more. I feel less boring, and maybe even a little special and wanted by those who matter. But... I still manage to talk about the SAME darn thing all day, every day. -sigh- Well, personality quirks are very hard to fix. I need to stop obsessing over my characters so much. But I think they may be a bit closer to me now, since I guess they feel a bit less abused. I'm opening my mind: I prefer the crowded, deafening noise in that small space much more than the empty and the filthy.
Heh, well, at least people are convincing me a little bit that it matters, and it deserves being talked about. But I still hesitate, as it does require a lot of listening. (: I thank you....
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Friday, February 15, 2008

Here's a good analogy... =/
The water is deep; and I am a tiny speck among the waves. You stand on the dock and watch me struggle to stay afloat, exerting all of my energy for a single breath. Just to need another in a matter of seconds. You decide you want to help, but there is no line to throw, no boat to catch, and... you can't swim. There are others on this dock: others that I know and thought I loved, watching me drown... or are simply turned away. You say you've been in this situation before... but I guess you don't remember how to get out of it. My head hurts, I feel torn in half because nobody on the dock looks like they are even interested in saving me, and I'm empty and lonely. My fingers are numb, the water's cold, I can't hold on to my waterlogged notebook for much longer. It's empty anyways, as empty as my mind is. Of course... nobody wishes to drown with me. It's the only solution, pretty much: having somebody care enough to really... think about me, and care how I'm feeling, or... simply make it look like you're not watching me drown with a straight face or even a smile... look like you care, like I'm more than a floating piece of seaweed.
Do you think I'm in any position to be pounded on with any more guilt than of being alive? Yet I'm stabbed with those comments they make, tearing me farther and farther away from everybody. I'm guilty enough just asking for the little attention I get. Please... before you get angry with me, put yourself in my shoes for a change. Friends should try and help friends, not spit venom at them and throw rocks.

~Sam
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Thursday, February 14, 2008

...
Ah, I should seriously consider changing my hobbies to "staring at blank pieces of paper." 'Cause, well, I've been spending great amounts of time doing so, and even when I could draw, it was something that was constantly done. Hm, but at least a few stray ideas enter my mind, so it isn't so empty. I'm just thinking about past information on my characters, hoping they'll reenter my head again. -sigh- Life is so lonely without them: I never really noticed how much they kept me company physically, though all along I was grateful for their existance.

But today was rather nice, I guess, but I didn't get all that much attention... xD Bailey got me a flower and Briana made me cookies. Oh! And Serena gave me a box of chocolates, how nice. ^^ Hm. Nevermind, then: I got plenty more than I deserve. I like gift giving more than receiving anyways, it feels so rewarding and so happy, and both of those things I have a lack of nowadays, so today was a rather fake happiness, but at least it was happiness. I gave out a lot of candy.. hehe. Well, it isn't a crime to anybody.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!! < 3

~With lots of love,
Sam,
((or Am-say for Sarah.))
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Sunday, February 10, 2008

-groan- Drowning in self pity... xP
What once was the busy, teeming with life mind of mine is now a barren, lifeless eggshell, unable to hold any inspiration, unable to dream up or sustain any vision. I have lost all of my creative ability!
Please don't tell me that I haven't because I've received enough of that talk. It is simply physically not possible for me to draw any more. It doesn't turn out.
And this is no simple artist's slump either. My characters up and left my mind the other day. Normally, they are almost tangible people to me: I can understand their feelings and figure out what they would be in a given situation. They even talk to me at times. It is a little odd and impossible to explain. But I had to quit a couple roleplays. I feel all lonely now without them.
And... she tried to cheer me up by making a joke out of it. I entirely understand... it does sound pretty stupid, doesn't it? And it was worth a shot, I guess. But the problem is... all my other friends heard my problem as a joke, so they just think it's a joke and there isn't anything wrong at all.
Well... I'm just a selfish jerk, that's what I am.
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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

-sigh-
Isn't it always odd that the most annoying things in life are always the details? Everything that annoys everybody about everybody is about details, and I'm sure wars have been started over them.
I just really consider it unfair that somebody who spends the entire day with somebody- their behavior towards that person gets compared to another's that they, let's say, they only see them at lunch. I just... feel so cheated, so run dry. It is really hard to be perfect.... and even with the person that you love most in this world, you'll still get annoyed over minor details about them that get to you after a while.

Gah. All I do is complain. xD But... that person who's always there is me, and that's how I feel. And even if I'm annoying, just imagine what the day would be like if you had to spend the entire thing with the other person instead of me.
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