Tuesday, May 1, 2007

I smelll like chocolate and coffee mixed together, with a cherry on top :D i smelllllll goooood
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Monday, April 23, 2007

She is licking up her fear
Tasting the bitterness on her tongue
Swallowing pieces of memories
Nothing will be left soon
She’ll become her hollow shell again
A place for ideas to puddle and die
Recast and repaint her face once more
An hour left to glue together her wounds
And it’ll all fall on blind eyes
All her work will waste away in her hands
These hands that used to hold some meaning
Used to shape and create new visions of delight
She’ll meditate on her voided soul
Finding deep inside that a rainbow can grow
But perhaps the storm hasn’t ended just yet
And with her chilled wet hands she’ll build an umbrella
Her new dream sanctuary, her warm harmonious hum
Watching as the rain comes down, covering her ground
Waiting again and again for the part in her clouds where life can begin

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Sunday, April 22, 2007

So i got myself a problem.
I really like this girl, and i want to date her, except she, sometimes, does coke and smokes, which i don't like.
And I found out that I still really like my ex, he's a boy, except I'm not ready to have sex with a guy.

So my problem is, which one? I really like them both, and i really want to date them both, except theres down falls to both relationships. Could I still date the guy even though I don't know how physical I'd be able to get. Or do i date the girl who, sometimes, does drugs. UGGG I don't know what to do.
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Wednesday, April 18, 2007

It sank in slowly drawing a breath from your lips. Cold lips. Just a little rip here and there, then you’ll be perfect. Just a little fix then everything will work like clockwork. My perfect little masterpiece; my lovely little art.
I lick along your jaw, cleaning away my trace. You’ve lost your bitter taste; something has been replaced with my sweet little angle.
Vacant eyes stare at me from under tear stained eyelashes. You’re beautiful when you can’t respond, when all things that hurt you are never coming again. I love it when you’re calm and quite like this. Don’t worry I’ll stay here with you. Always protect you; nothing will go wrong I promise.
I move closer. Drawing your arm around me, resting my face on your chest. I can just hear it in there. Just barley it beats. I could never break that, could never kill your heart. But you can.
So cold.
“We’ll be together for ever right love?”
“You’ll love me every minute that we’re close right darling.”
“I love you.”
I kiss your lips again. A light blue tinge to perfect alabaster skin.
“Why are you so perfect my love? And to think we almost weren’t together. Forever”
“Goodnight sweetie. Sleep tight.”
It ran so smoothly right on through. One long strike, and then I fell; fell in love with you.
And on the grown I’ll lay. Right beside you with our hearts in hand, and blood all around. You said you’d love me forever, so forever we shall stay, forever young, forever dead.

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Thursday, April 12, 2007

There it is again
That urge to pick my skin
And release the demons
That hold tight to my soul
That screaming fang pressed to my throat
That repulsive image of cuts and pain
Haunting my solitary moments
You fly away then resurface with a vengeance
You are there; you are always there
And yet
Sometimes
I still miss you

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Monday, March 19, 2007

so i just found out a friend of mine that left here started a new account yaay it means i'm probebly going to be on more now.

So new things.
I'm becoming more wiccan so i'll probebly talk abot and mention guite alot about it. :D i love it. and my other account, the one about dreams. if i get a chance i'll probebly end up putting most of my wiccan stuff on it and what not

yaay i love ya for coming back on :D:D
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Thursday, November 9, 2006

Found this poem, dated july 12, 05, I feel it still aplies to me now
There is a freedom in being able to say that death sounds pretty fucking great.
I lack that freedom
Once I could wrap my suicidal ideas around me like a blanket
Now it leaves me cold
Maybe its knowing things can’t really get worst that brings comfort to a depressed soul
…I…don’t know
I don’t have anything that reassures me I’m still alive, not anymore at least
Why?
What is it that turns my soul that jaded color with years of pain?
I cry but my tears are not salted like normal…
A sweetness caresses my throat when I swallow them back.
How do I turn it to salt?
How do I cry…for real?
I ground my pain into powder and unleash it to the wind.
Cut the locks and chains that hold me to a place where there is no reality
I fear, I cry, I hate, I lust, and I to love, but to feel alive is not part of the deal.

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Thursday, October 19, 2006

She sits
She weeps
She dies
She understands nothing of life
She waits
She watches
She screams
You’d think we’d all hear
We see
We walk
We run
We help ourselves look away
She stumbles
She falls
She loses
We win the useless battle
I cry
I shout
I stagger
I happened upon the truth
She loved
She lived
She needn’t hate
I helped bring this end
I needed
I wanted
I never had
She had it
She felt it
And yet I lost her within my dark

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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Stretch your heart out long
Reach as high as you can to the stars
Pick one to hold in place of my soul
I’ve lost the fundamentals of true happiness
Scratch your nails along my skin
Leaving streams of tears; my little rivers
Maybe I could drown beneath my emotional ice
Be rescued from the dark a frozen black rose
Because that’s all I believe is left of me
Caress a lifeless body if you please
I wont react though, just a slight dilemma
But then you never really cared
I sewed up my lips with your lies
Such strength they never lacked
I told you nothing; wrote you nothing
You knew nothing until you found my note
And everything slipped out my cracked lips
Seeped through like blood through a deep cut
Got away…my hated enemy…my monster
I tried to hold you back…lover…my swan
Please tell me the essentials to a happy life
Tell me how to live without wanting to die
You brag and say you love, live, and let go
Show me
SHOW ME DAMN IT
Cause I can’t seem to understand
It’s not as easy as it looks
When every night you close your eyes just to see death
Every blink is just another attempt, another way to die
A gun; a cut; pills; a lake
A rope; a lighter; an alcoholic drink
A warm bath; a little flight; a chemical intake
There’s always ways to end it; ways to just leave
There’s always things to do before your big night
My words of advice, ‘friends’, watch all the signs
Because, perhaps, someone you love will take there own suggestions
Because, maybe, just maybe, someone you love is going to die
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Thursday, September 21, 2006

Looking over old written work, found this
“Have you ever heard the song Hush, Hush?”
“No I don’t think I have why don’t you sing it to me _____.”
“Fairy, Fairy
Red like cherries
Quite yes, Quite yes, Quite contrary
Watch the little wings a beating
Fairies, Fairies all a fleeting

Bull frog, Bull frog
Head deep in bog
Ribit, ribit
Goes the sick frog
Can’t catch me, can’t catch me
The frog is gone behind a tree

Little girl, little girl
All dressed in white wearing pearls
Mommy’s dead and daddy’s suicidal
World stands still, world is idle
Little girl, little girl
Your head begins to swirl
Say goodbye to Mr. Frog
He jumps, he jumps in to the bog
Say goodbye to Misses. Fairy
Shhh now Shhh now my little Mary”

“And where did you hear this?”
“The raven sang it to me last night when I couldn’t sleep.”
“Really?”
“Yes”
“And do you like it when the raven visits?”
“Yes very much so.”
“Does he tell you to do other things?”
“Like what?”
“Like harming someone?”
“No…is he supposed to…don’t get mad at him for not giving me a message.”
“No, no that’s not what I meant.”
“I’m confused”
“That’s enough for today ____”
“Goodbye than”
“Goodbye”
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