Thursday, January 20, 2005

   After my classes I had to go to see Mrs.Sharp with sarah and the whole time I got to listen to "Sarah people care about you" "Sarah we want to help you" "sarah sarah sarah" no one says that to me :(

Am I selfish?????
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Friday, January 14, 2005

My weekly update
I've been living off of advil lol thats not good :S, and I've been drinking coolers I love those at least there better for me than vodka and white rum.
On I think monday I broke a glass (not on purpose)and I took some glass and cut myself but it didn't cut deep enough :(....I saw my friend travis...(I think it was today) and he had on these really cute/nice cloths...they looked good
wensday:My cuts are just scares now so I'm not wearing anything to cover them...let the world see my mistakes...blah...
I skiped drama on thursday LOL who gives a fuck...my moms b/f gave me a lecture blah blah blah. hehe....
Friday: well today I saw travis but I didn't say hi soweee travis. umm OoO in sowing I needed to take of my jaket shirt so the teacher could mark it and I had on this little skanky tank top on and this guy stopped at the door to check me out heheeh :)

I had this creepy dream that my friends bet if I would let this guy touch me blah and I got really mad at them. I dream about weird things.
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Friday, January 7, 2005

   awe....
My friend got in trouble today and it made me sad. and when we got home her "counceler" phoned to make an appointment. awe...
This is just a little something I wrote.

She’s only sixteen
And yet she’s found no hope
She sees monsters that are unseen
And has put away long rope

School is hard for her each day
And brings her no ease
Kids shout and say she’s cliché
So she constantly flees

Home isn’t much better
They hardly notices she’s there
Except for one letter
No one really cares

So her troubles worsen
And she looses life’s string
Until only one other person
Knows of the worlds sting

That person stays true
And never leaves her side
But her soul is askew
And they try to be her guide

However it brings no change
She still feels unwanted
The world still feels strange
And she’d always feel daunted

So she took the easy way
The way that held no fear
Because the person who had come each day
Had been her in the mirror
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Sunday, January 2, 2005

   sleeep...Please
I stayed up until 3 in the morning and only got to sleep until 1 in the afternoon blah stupid ppl phoning me.
I re-instaled windows uggg so tiering so much work.
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Saturday, January 1, 2005

short story/poem thingy about how I feel
I love the dark. It bathes me with a type of innocents that the light takes away.
I lye in my bed feeling my smooth skin, making myself believe that my arm was never tainted with things unimaginable, making myself believe that I’m normal, and that my canvas is clean. But its not, not in reality at least, however this isn’t reality, this is my dream, a place where I have never hurt deep within my heart.
Can these things I wish ever become real, no I doubt it, I’m meant to suffer for the scars I’ve imprinted into my life vessel.
Can things be erased once they have happened? Can I start over again at the beginning?
These questions run through my head, constantly colliding together causing a jumble of thoughts, as I lye here in my bed looking at my dream that will disappear in the light.
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Friday, December 31, 2004

   Here Yeah go travis
I’m standing outside your door
I’m standing in the rain
But you don’t know I’m there
You never knew I was there
My tears are mixing with the cold
As the wind comes bullying in
Throwing my hair into a frenzy
But I’m still standing
I’m ready to leave
But something holds me here
Here at your door
Where I’m shattered
I can’t stand anymore
So I fall soaked in blood
And you’re screaming from your door
And you’re holding me in your arms
And you’re crying in my hair
Maybe I was wrong I stand in the rain
Maybe you did always know I was there
Watching from your worm home
Until it was just to late
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