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myOtaku.com: gothicserenity


Tuesday, April 12, 2005

.....
Yesterday I was walking home and for the first time I actually thought 'fuck everyone I'm tired of living just for them. Death sounds like a better way out.' I've always known I would never kill myself b/c I wouldn't be able to hurt everyone who cared so it scares me that now it really doesn't make a difference.
I know why I'm doing so bad though...partly...I don't want to be bi anymore...because of my sexuality my best friend is the farthest thing from a best friend...even though I don't think she sees that...God it kills I don't like hating my sexuality its who I fucking am but now this and its just hard I can't talk to her about anything anymore and I'd just rather I like guys only than this would never have happened.
I hate the fact that she couldn't tell me she was also gay...it just really hurt...she'll never be able to talk to me like we used to...I hate myself...God...
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