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Monday, December 5, 2005


End of Days
So as of late I've fallen so much farther. I started drinking, now I don't have the energy sad. I don't really eat as much.
I had this dream a couple days ago and in it I had a g/f but my mother wouldn't let her in our house so I freaked out and went and stayed with my grandparents. Then I told them and they kicked me out so I grabed a bottle of there vodka and went to one of my friends house, I passed out or something and the next thing I knew I was in the hospital and the only person who came was terry my mother wouldn't come.
I woke up crying and I couldn't stop, it was aweful. I've had dreams like this before but I always knew my mom would never do anything like that, and now that I've seen what she thinks about me being bi, its making me relize it could happen. anyways so I cryed and cryed and couldn't stop, I was soo scared to go to bed, I didn't want to have to see that dream again, so I took some gravel and fell into a dreamless state.
Uggg I wake up these days, have a shower, throw something on, then lye on my couch trying not to fall apart.
I watch fucking franklin and start to cry.
I can feel everything falling so quckly, everything ending with a big fucking bang. Theres always something that makes me worst always something that brings me down a little more, and its happening way to often then it should.

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