Monday, January 21, 2008

   Hello again!
Sheesh, my schedule is all messed up. I've been spending all my internet time in the middle of the night, so I kinda update at midnight, and then I can't check it until the next day... Yikes.

So newayz, I read the last part of Eclipse again, and it brought me to tears, again... I just can't believe how emotional I get with these books. By the way, to anyone that might be interested, here is what I got so far to my fanfic. Just telling you ahead, that some of this stuff is true about me, and then the rest is true about the character. So yep, and it is written in the character's (Tabitha's) POV... Okay, well here it is.

Chapter 1

I logged onto the internet, typing slowly ¡®Tabs201.¡¯ I was afraid I had received a message, on my blog, from my boyfriend about the way I had been acting today. I didn¡¯t feel like explaining anything to anyone at the moment. I was too frustrated with myself.
Today had been unpleasant. I had thought about ditching school, breaking up with my boyfriend, and even a suicide attempt. I was frustrated at myself because I was too much of a coward to tell anyone anything personal. Not even Alex. I thought I would be able to. After all, we had been going steady for about a year now. Wasn¡¯t that enough trust? No, it wasn¡¯t trust at all. I wasn¡¯t sure what it was for sure. I only knew that I hated it completely.
The internet was finished loading. I heard the computer voice say ¡°Welcome Tabitha,¡± and I was glad to hear no ¡®You¡¯ve Got Mail.¡¯ I clicked on the web address bar and typed in my favorite website. The Otaku. It was my favorite, beyond any other. Also, it was pretty much the only website I had permission to.
While I was typing furiously, blogging out all of my frustration, I heard a car door slam, and knew instantly that it was my mom. I wasn¡¯t supposed to be online when she wasn¡¯t home. I didn¡¯t have a cell phone, so she had no other way but the landline to get a hold of me. I quickly clicked the ¡®X¡¯ and ran to the couch, pretending that I had been watching TV all day. The deadbolt fiddled for a moment, and my mom opened the door, a big smile across her chubby face. Kicking the snow off her boots, she stepped in and shut the door behind her, still grinning.
¡°Hello,¡± she said to me. I waved back and continued watching the infomercial that was on the screen. ¡°How are you feeling today?¡± I gave her a thumbs up, indicating that I was fine, and also that I had no intention of talking to her. I started for the stairs.
Her smile faded, and she looked at me. ¡°What¡¯s the matter?¡± I turned to face her, one foot on the first step. I could feel my cheeks getting hotter with every second I stood there facing her.
¡°As if you don¡¯t know!¡± I hissed sharply at her. I continued up the stairs.
Her eyes were dazed. She followed me to the bottom of the stairs and said in a pleading voice, ¡°Let¡¯s talk about this.¡± I didn¡¯t even turn as I continued throwing the harsh words at her.
¡°Don¡¯t even!¡± I started. She jumped, startled by the fast change in my tone. ¡°You won¡¯t listen to a word I say, you¡¯ll just take his side no matter what!¡± With that, I slammed my door. I knew she was still standing at the bottom of the stairs, not wanting to take in what I had just said.
I sat down at my desk and just stared. Why did it all have to be this way? Why did she have to ignore me completely and keep me out of the decision all together? I slammed my fist on the desk, ignoring the sharp pain that now entered my wrist and hand. I started to cry. I HATED crying, but I couldn¡¯t help it. They just came. I was sure they came because of anger. I was angry at my mom for ignoring her kids in her stupid decision to get married to that stupid boyfriend of hers. I was mad at my mom for making us move away, away from the friends I had here. Whatever hopes I had of coming back and going back to school with my friends were demolished. I picked up my lamp and threw it against the wall. The pole bent and the light bulb shattered, sending thousands of glass pellets flying in all directions. Why did my life change? It was going so well, despite the frequent arguments my mom and I had. I was hardly ever angry, I was never depressed, I always had an open heart, and I was always kind. Nowadays, I yelled angrily at anyone who tried to talk about the subject, I never said anything about my life anymore, and I had anger issues. Lots of them. My mom had bought me a new lamp four times this month, insisting that I see a counselor for my anger. Each time I had furiously grabbed the lamp from her hands and yelled a loud ¡®NO¡¯ in her face.
Sighing, I sat down again, rubbing my temples with my index fingers, trying to clear my mind. All I wanted to know was WHY it was all happening like this. I was glad when I looked at my calendar and saw that tomorrow was Monday. I went home to my dad¡¯s tonight, in just a few hours actually. Relief spilled over me, erasing all my anger at once, letting me drift into a small snooze. The whole while, someone stood outside, watching my window, wondering what I could be doing. I had no idea of this.
I was on the floor. I guessed I had been having a nightmare that I didn¡¯t remember, and must¡¯ve fallen out of the chair at my desk. I heard my mom¡¯s car start outside, and felt uneasy at the fact that I had to get into the car with her. I shivered, remembering the phone call my dad had gotten about a month ago, that she had wrecked her graphite colored, Chevy truck. I was devastated when I found out that, once again, I would be crammed into a small, egg shaped Toyota again.
Suddenly, I realized that I hadn¡¯t packed any of my stuff together again, after sprawling it all across the room. (Another anger fit.) Quickly, I raced through the room, picking up every item that I thought I would need this week, being careful to pick up my iPod and my Nintendo DS, stuffing them into the pocket of my jacket that I had gotten for Christmas. It was the only one I wore now. I looked in the mirror once more to check my face. My eyeliner had smeared a little, so I wiped it off and reapplied the black substance. I quickly brushed my hair down, throwing my brush into my backpack when I was finished with it. I zipped up the bag and headed down the stairs, turning abruptly to fetch my shoes, which I had forgotten.
Once downstairs, I grabbed a banana off the counter of the kitchen and rushed back to the door, opening it, only to almost run into my mom. She didn¡¯t say anything as she stepped past me, grabbing her purse, and turning to the door again. ¡°It¡¯s unlocked.¡± she mumbled. I was already gone, hopping down the stairs, carefully watching my steps to keep from slipping on the icy surface. I entered the car, and turned the heater on. It didn¡¯t work.
¡°Damn this car.¡± I grumbled before she got into the car. She got in and finished turning the key. The car roared to life, and started backing out before I had time to pull my iPod out of my pocket. I fitted the earphones in my ears and pressed the center button, scrolling through the songs until I found ¡°Every Rose Has Its Thorn¡± by Poison. I turned it on and listened, carefully picking out every word. Then I heard the chorus, and I began to think about what it really meant. Every rose has its thorn¡¦ I didn¡¯t have to think long before I decided what it meant.
It meant that,
Every seemingly perfect person has a flaw, no matter what. No one person is perfect.
Perfect¡¦ what did perfect even mean?
During the hour long car drive, I was absorbed in finding a message in every song I listened to. ¡°Rockstar¡± by Nickleback. Its message was that, everyone wishes they had the life of a famous person at one point in their life. ¡°Dust in the Wind¡± by Kansas. It¡¯s message was that, Nothing lasts forever but the Earth and Sky, and we people are only a small fragment of the larger forever part. Eventually, we will just die, and the world will go on forever, living as if we never died. And then ¡°Rock Lobster¡± by B-52¡¯s started. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn¡¯t think of one for a song as stupid as ¡°Rock Lobster.¡± Maybe, I thought, the message is that the guy is in love with the sea. My sarcasm still remained even through all of the trouble. I laughed in my head.
My mom pushed her brown and blond, quickly graying hair back and looked at me.
¡°Keep your eyes on the road.¡± I mumbled, and her gaze left me and hit the road again. My eyes flashed a red color. The color of anger. I was still so angry at my mom. Everything that happened was her fault. In my head, I sighed, and my eyes flashed to clear. This was the color of no emotion.
The doctors never knew why, but when I was born, my eyes started changing color according to my mood. They had never seen anything like it, telling me that I was one of a kind. I hated the fact that they changed. I couldn¡¯t lie because my eyes were just a dead giveaway to how I really felt. By now, I learned what every color meant. Red, anger. Orange, annoyance. Green, happiness. Pink, playful. Blue, sadness. Purple, confusion. Clear, love, and black, fear.
My mom was forty-eight. A year younger than my dad. She was short, stubby, and was a wide figure. My sister, Maureen, was twenty-two, with red locks and green eyes. She was tall, but I was almost as tall her. My sister, Brittany, always had a different hair color. She constantly dyed it, the most recent being brown-blond with black tips.
We pulled up into the Captain D¡¯s restaurant parking lot. My dad was already there in his great red dodge, mega cab. I was thrilled that my two other little sisters, Melanie and Keisha, weren¡¯t in the truck. No one was. My mom said that she would walk me in. I told her no and hurriedly got out, slamming the door behind me. Not even bothering to tell her goodbye.
When I saw my dad and step-mom, Georgia, sitting at a table, my eyes turned green with delight that I was finally away from my mom and finally with my dad again. I pulled a chair up to the table, telling all four of them hello and giving my dad a kiss. My usual order was already on the table. Fish and fries. I reached for the vinegar, sprinkling some on my fish, and ate. It was the first thing I¡¯d eaten since noon today.
¡°How was your weekend?¡± Georgia asked me. All I had to do was look at her, my eyes red again. ¡°You didn¡¯t get along this weekend either?¡±
¡°No, it¡¯s impossible to get along with her. Everything I say seems to somehow get back to Greg.¡± I grumbled, saying ¡®Greg¡¯ with a sarcastic tone.
¡°Well, you still need to try.¡± said my dad, his eyes on me while I ate. My eyes flickered orange, but he didn¡¯t notice.
We finished eating and started out for the truck.
¡°Can I listen to your iPod?¡± Keisha asked me. We hadn¡¯t even reached the truck yet.
¡°No, because my mom was being nosy and she turned the screen lock on. I can¡¯t remember the combination.¡± I yawned. Again, my eyes flashed red and then right back to clear. I had set my iPod down when I went in to tell my dad that we were here¡¦ and she got a hold of it.
We got in the truck and started back to Osceola. I turned on my DS to play Nintendogs, and of course, Melanie leaned over my shoulder to watch. My eyes flashed orange.
¡°Stop breathing on me. Your breath smells nasty.¡± I hissed in her direction, making her sit back in her seat.
We got home at about eight. The dogs barked as we slammed our doors, and the cats jumped to the garage door, wanting us to let them in. I heard the snow crunch behind me in the woods. My eyes turned black, and unwillingly, I started into the woods.
I looked back, and saw that no one was moving. Not the cats, not my family, not the wind or the fish in our pond. It was as if everything was frozen. I zipped up my coat and put the hood up. I also tucked my jeans inside my snow boots and then shoved my hands into my coat pockets, continuing through the woods to the crunching snow sound. I coughed, and then heard something fall out of a tree. I jumped and then sprinted towards the sounds.
¡°Hello?¡± I said timidly. I was afraid, but I was curious. And then my eyes flashed a golden yellow color. ¡°Curiosity.¡± I mumbled to myself. A new eye color to give me away.
Then I saw it. The thing that was making noises. It had to have been a man. I couldn¡¯t think of anything else with that figure. He was tall, and his eyes were topaz colored. I saw another man or¡¦ boy. I couldn¡¯t tell. He was short, but to me it looked like he was running on all fours. This one had maroon colored eyes.
¡°Oh my-¡° I realized that he was running at me. He leaped forward, his teeth barred.
The other man pounced on him, saving me barely. I ran away after a few moments of staring as they fought with each other. Clumsily stumbling around in the snow, I reached the driveway, only to be pounced on by the smaller man.
I felt him snapping furiously at me, like he was trying to eat me. This couldn¡¯t be an animal. A normal animal would have high-tailed it and ran.
No. This was something else. I pushed at his neck, keeping him almost an arms length away, my arms wiggling, ready to give way at any moment from the force of his violent thrashing.
And then I was free.
The topaz eyed one had the other pinned, beating him brutally. I took my chance to stumble up and get in front of the truck, watching them fight as I was catching my icy breath.
The topaz eyed one lit the other on fire. My eyes were wide, watching the thing that had attacked me burn, trying to ignore the disgusting stench wafting slowly into my nose. It was over.
Or I thought so anyway. The topaz eyed on stood and stared at me with cold, angry eyes.
I flinched.
He started towards me, fists balled up. I crab-walked, well actually ran, towards my family, and, to my happy surprise, the motion light flicked on.
¡°What are you doin¡¯?¡± my dad asked me. I looked back and saw them all at the door already.
¡°Coming,¡± I said. ¡°Sorry, I fell.¡± I looked back. He was gone. The beautiful eyes that had looked at me, the eyes that had saved me.

¡°Don¡¯t Forget to Remember Me¡± by Carrie Underwood was playing on my cd player while I was taking my shower. Naturally, out of habit, I was singing along with it, the whole time feeling unseen eyes. A cold chill ran up my spine even though the water was almost scorching hot.
I peeked out of the curtain, half expecting to see Keisha or Melanie. But the presence wasn¡¯t that of a human. It was cold, dead.
The room was thick with steam, making it stuffy and hard to see as I grabbed my towel, wrapped it around me, and stepped out of the tub. I turned my cd player down so I could hear any sound, even a pin drop.
Deciding it was nothing, I opened the door and felt a cold breeze.
¡°That¡¯s¡¦¡± I paused.
There had to be something strange going on here. These things weren¡¯t just happening coincidentally.
I decided not to dwell on the subject. It was starting to creep me out.
I was troubled the rest of the night. Not by the attack, but because I was only able to think about two subjects. No more.
Either I was thinking about the attack, or I was thinking about everything Greg did, everything that might happen. My fists clenched every time his name was thought or said. I hated him.
Finally, I fell asleep.
Before I knew it, my alarm went off. ¡®6:00 PM¡¯ it read. I turned over and covered my head until my sister got up and turned the clock off.
It was 6:20 when I finally decided to get up. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood, taking a moment to get un-dizzy. I went to wake up Melanie, not caring if Keisha was still sleeping.
After I woke Melanie up, I went to the kitchen to eat breakfast, but instead decided to make my lunch. I didn¡¯t pack much. Just some chips and a drink. I never at my sandwich and I always traded my drink with my friend, so I didn¡¯t bother.

The school day went by fast. Through history and algebra, all the way to science, I felt ready for something. I wasn¡¯t sure what, but I was excited. I had a feeling something great was going to happen. Again, I decided not to think about it. It was probably just a feeling anyway. So I continued to talk with my friends as if I never felt anything, and I continued to be joyful through the rest of the hour.
When the bus dropped us off at our bus stop, I sluggishly walked to our mailbox to get the mail, and then slowly walked after my sisters who were already halfway down the road. It started snowing when I reached the quarter mark. It almost felt like a blizzard.
I put my hand out, palm up, and caught the snowflakes which quickly melted in my hands, and then I opened up my mouth, stuck out my tongue, and tasted the first snow. It tasted so pure and so clean, as if it had been filtering the air all year in preparation for winter.
I continued down the road, walking as slow as possible so that I could enjoy what little of the snow I was about to see throughout the whole winter break¡¦ and then I saw it; a large reddish-brown bear. It was huge. But wait. It wasn¡¯t a bear. It looked just like a wolf, besides the size anyway. It looked at me with curious eyes, full of sadness and resentment. I felt so bad for it, whatever had happened to it that my eyes turned blue in pity. And I was driven to comfort it¡¦ so I walked forward, very slowly. It started to back away, but then actually stepped towards me, its head bowed down to my eye level. Its black eyes were intent on me, watching my every move. I was careful not to make any sudden movements to provoke it¡¦ after all, it was almost three times my size.
I was at least a foot away now, still slowly advancing on it. It took another step forward, and it was so close, that I saw tears in its eyes. It was truly sad. That¡¯s when it happened. I was completely overwhelmed by its sadness that I dropped down onto my knees and wrapped my arms tightly around its neck, keeping it in my embrace. It almost pulled away, but instead laid down and put its enormous head on my lap, taking a big huff of breath as it did so. I started to cry when I felt another wave of its sadness pass through my body. Just touching it made me want to commit suicide, or help in anyway to ease its pain. I put my arms over its head and laid my own on top of them. As I did so, I saw more tears flow down its hairy brown cheek, dripping onto the snow below us.
Suddenly, it stood, shaking its head as if to remember what it was supposed to be doing, and then ran¡¦ so fast that it was hard to see. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and eyes, rising as I did so, swatting at my knees now, trying to wipe away the water from the melted snow. I stole another glance in the direction that the strange animal had taken off in, and then continued my way down the road towards my house.
¡°What took you so long?¡± my dad asked me when I got inside. I slipped off my snowy shoes and took my hood off my head. I felt my cheeks which were bitterly cold and then pinched my ears, checking for feeling.
¡°Sorry, I was petting the goats across the road. Can you believe they actually came to the fence?¡± I asked, forcing out some laughter. Of course I was lying, but no one needed to know that, right? My eyes were still blue, so I knew my dad saw through my lie, but he let it slide.
¡°Guess where you and me are going?¡± I already knew the answer to that. My eyes turned green as I thought of it.
¡°OMG, we¡¯re going to La Push?!¡± I almost screamed I was so excited. I was going to see Jacob again. My dad smiled at my reaction and stood up.
¡°Yep, so pack your things for a week, we¡¯re going to be staying at the reservation again.¡±








And I have more, but I'm sort of changing the story around a bit, so ya. Sue me. Lawl ;] JKding! Please don't sue me, I really can't afford it at the moment! Lawlz again.

Well, I guess all my friends are busy this weekend. Of course. The only 3-day weekend that both of our schools have and they're busy... JK guys, I'm not blaming this on any of you! :)

Koga: Yes you are...

Greed: I couldn't agree more.

Me: >.< Shut up guyz, you're supposed to be siding with me!



Newayz, I was home alone for quite a while today because my mom had a baby shower to go to, Brit was spending the night with someone, and Mo had gone out to eat with her friends, so I called my bf. It was kind of a boring convo, but it'd been awhile since I'd talked to him, so I kinda figured, hey, its the least I can do.

Ugh, there hasn't been one day this weekend that my mom has gone without Greg. I think tomarrow will be the first, and only because she has to work. _-_,

Oh yeah! Tomorrow, I'm gonna go see Water Horse with my gma. I think it looks like kind of a stupid movie, but I'm gonna spend some quality time with her, so i figured, ah what the heck. Lawl.

*sighs* I'm trying to find the actors for Edward and Jacob in the Twilight movie, but my stupid computer is being stupid. It won't bring up any useful sites... *sighs again* Though it's rumored that both actors are HOT! xDD
HEY! I found them!! Omg... Kristen Stewart is going to play Bella? -_-' What has the world come to? No just kidding. I'm REALLY EXTREMELY happy with the cast, except for Edward... they chose Robert Pattinson... (Cedric in Harry Potter) Honestly... I think their backup Henry Cavill is better! Henry's HAWT! So yeah. Steven Strait plays Jacob!! (YAY! He's HAWT! So that just makes me even MORE uber ubsessed with Jake!) Have you seen the covenent? Steven plays in that and Sky High. So overall, the cast is pretty good.
If you wanna see what they look like, type their names in the address bar above *looks up* and it'll pull up something.

wOOt I can't wait till the movie comes out.



Well, I'm gonna go spread the word! Byezez!! :]



~{[Greedsdoll]}~¢¾

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