Monday, July 3, 2006

One Last Time - A short story from The Grifter (Happy 4th, Everyone)

The sky was a dark gray that day. It smelled of rain and bad intensions as we made our way up the path. There was so much to talk about but, I couldn’t think of a damn thing to say. All of these thoughts floating around my head and not a one was able to come together to form a decent sentence. Where am I going to go with this, I thought. How will she take it? What will she say? Maybe I’m just over-analyzing it. I mean, this could be a lot worse, right? Not sure how it could be, but I was going to find out soon enough. It was getting colder as the wind began to pick up a bit. She shivered a bit. She was only wearing a thin sweater and jeans, so I gave hear my coat. I wasn’t cold. I couldn’t even think of the temperature right now. Too much on my mind, I swear I’d go numb between my ears before my body would. “Thanks”, she smiled. “You’re not too cold?” I asked. “No, I’m okay now”, She replied. I forced a smile as we continued to walk. It seemed like this walk would never end. Almost there, I thought to myself as we passed the halfway point. It seemed like forever since we started. The whole way up, she’s been smiling. My curiosity is getting the better of me when I finally have to ask. “Why the smile?” “Why not?” she said in reply. I looked at her slightly perturbed, “It seems odd you’d have one since we started our trip”. “I figured your face got stuck or frozen or something”. She just smiled bigger and kept on walking. I thought she’d completely lost it or maybe I was losing my noodles. Either way I was a bit confused. Yet, as we walked she smiled and I looked like a confused idiot. I just thought the hell with it and smiled back at her. She chuckled a bit and we proceeded up the path. “It’s up ahead”, I said. My pulse began to quicken a bit and my palms started to sweat. Her smile slowly began to fade away as we reached a small clearing. I was wondering when that was going to happen. She stopped just short of a shear cliff and turned to face me. Her eyes were a cool blue as she stared up at me slightly. She drew in a breath and started to speak. “I know why you brought me up here”, she said in a low tone. “You do?” I replied. “I want to hear it from your lips, though.” Her stare was locked into mine as though she was probing my thoughts for any signs of a hint. I gave her nothing. “I see you’re not going to tell me, are you?” She turned her face away as a tear began to well in her eye. If she only knew the words I wanted to say to her. It would be blasphemy to love’s true intent. The thoughts and feeling I had, weren’t supposed to be there. I hated the way I felt but, damned the fact that I couldn’t say it. I started to tremble as tears began to fall from my eyes. I fell to my knees and wept bitterly. She kneeled in front of me and held me to her chest. “I know what you have to say isn’t easy but, I want you to know that I understand”. She had no idea what I had to say. Even if she did, she would never fully understand my intentions. How my soul was wrought with guilt and anguish. To be rid of these thoughts and memories, I would gladly give it all back. To be held one last time. To know what that kiss tasted like again. To hear that sweet voice and the words that it spoke as they whispered to my heart. This was not meant to be. Not now; not ever again. “Please listen to me”, she asked as her eyes returned to mine. I looked into her eyes and saw what I thought had never been there. A depth of compassion and warmth that I’d not seen in some time. “I have many secrets that I can never tell”. She continued, “This is one I have to speak or I feel I could never be truly yours”. I froze as those words left her mouth. My blood ran cold as my tears ceased for a moment as she began to tell me her story. She started by telling me that she never wanted to hurt me and that she was so very sorry. She said, at last, that it was a cold rainy afternoon when she was given the order to kill. There was a shop girl who had seen something that she was not meant to see. She was to be “silenced” before she could tell anyone. “I had tracked her to a bluff overlooking a meadow”. “There she sat with what appeared to be her husband” She continued on,” I began to feel so jealous and angry; she had something I’d always wanted”. “It made it all the more easily to kill her” she said. “The person that killed you’re wife, was me”. I knelt there as the rain began to fall all around me. It felt as though my world, this sky and all of its stars were falling as well. My mind began to relive that terrible day, frame by miserable frame; moment by life draining moment. “Damn you”, I mumbled as tears began to cascade uncontrollably down my face. “Damn you”, I said aloud. I began to sob even harder. “DAMN YOU!” I couldn’t hold it in any longer. “All this time…” I paused. She began to cry as well, “I’m so sorry…so sorry!” “All this time, you lived in my home and you cared for my daughter and me…” I felt sick. “You and I shared our dreams and ambitions as we lied in bed together”. “I know, I’m a horrible person and I hate myself for it”, she said as tears washed down her soft and gentle face. “How dare you invade me like that?!” I cried out. “I wanted so much to be part of your life and to be part of your little girl’s life; that’s all I ever wanted.” She paused, “Please, you must believe me”. I trembled in fear and anger with my teeth and fists clenched tight. Oh, my dearest God, how can I escape this nightmare? I knew of only one way to stop this charade, once and for all. Deep within my coat pocket was a pistol; a means to an end. I leaned forward, holding her beautiful and treacherous form in my arms as I reach into my coat and retrieve the gun. I hold her close and begin to share my truth. “All this time…I knew.” I could feel her grow tense. “I knew you had killed my wife for sometime, I just never wanted to believe it.” “But how…?” she asked. “Let’s just say that it came to me in a dream; in your dream”. I looked into her eyes and told her about how she often talked in her sleep. She had told me everything. I just sat and listened in disbelief until she went back to sleep. “That is why I brought you here”. “Not only to hear the truth, but to tell it.” She pulled back a bit and with the warmth and contentment in her eyes, she whispered to me “I love you”… leaned into the muzzle of the gun and gently squeezed my hand. She looked at me with a tear in her eye and kissed me one last time. I held her in my arms until she lay still. The final note from a bitter sweet symphony. I swear I could hear “Adagio for Strings” playing softly somewhere. Perhaps in my heart.

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