Monday, September 25, 2006

"What Dreams May Come" - Part 2

Nothing but a Nightmare I am standing at the edge of a deep canyon. Beads of sweat drip down my face as I strain to focus. The rain keeps collecting on the lens. I'm constantly using the manipulator to wipe it clean. This sucks just waiting and watching. I'm hoping the rain cools the skin enough to hide my heat signatures. It should, its cold enough. Damn, it's hot in here, though. Just stay focused, rendezvous in a few minutes. A lone figure comes into view. I focus the lens to get a closer look. She's beautiful. Her chestnut hair flows through the light wind like a sweet mist. Her skin is light and soft. She carries a basket with a blanket. She sets a place for one on the bluff overlooking a valley of the most fragrant white flowers. Am I dreaming or have I just died? Only heaven could give me this. An angel. It has to be. Those eyes, those lips. I'm utterly intoxicated. Oh to sleep, for a chance to dream of her. If only this would be my eternity. I wipe a tear from my eye and continue to walk up the path. I'm growing tired of this. I have to remind myself of just why the hell I'm putting myself through this. I'm beginning to hate myself for this. Keep going. Please don't make me. Just a few feet to go. I don't want this. Doesn't matter any more. I'm here. Marker Ten Open your eyes, you bastard. I won't. You will. No. You want this to stop, don't you? Yes, more than anything. Then simply open those cursed eyes of yours and look. Damn you. Damn you to hell. I'm afraid I'm already there. Quit wasting your time and open those big hazel eyes of yours. You don't want to miss this. I hate you. I know. As I open my eyes all I see is a blood red sky married to a blackened ash colored ground. It occurs to me that I'm no longer in heaven. No longer safe. Far from clean. I feel numb all over as I look out over the vast baron landscape. A lone figure appears as I wipe the flow of rain and tears from my face. Her chestnut hair flows like it once did. I failed you. No, you didn't. I couldn't...hold on. I know. I should've been able to. There was nothing you could have done differently. There is always something. No, there wasn't. I fall to my knees and cry out to the baron sky. "AAAAyyyyyvvvaaaaaaa". My sweetest Ayva. I pound the ground with my bare fists as the tears and rain soaks my tormented face. I fall on my face, emotionally drained. I have nothing left to say. My words are silent. My ears hear only the sounds of rain and wind. My thoughts are at a stand-still. Then a deep hush falls over everything. I slowly raise my head and look up only to see it. A loan white cross. At the foot of it lay a single white flower. So sweet and beautiful. Just like her. For that one moment, I knew what it was to know love. to feel warm. To feel complete. And now, I feel nothing. My blood runs cold. I am a broken man. An empty man. I lay my head down and close my eyes one last time. I take one last breathe. I hear a faint whisper in the distant recesses of my mind. I love you. You don't. I miss you. You couldn't. I forgive you. Silence. You do? I do. And I always have. Tears. You don't know how long.... I do. Now finish this life, while I wait for you in the next. I can't. You can. You've come this far, don't quit. If I do this, I do this for her. If that's what it takes. Just promise one thing. Anything. Take your time getting back to me. I will. Now, will you open those big hazel eyes? I will. Go, before you miss any more of this life. And live it...for me. Epilogue That should be the last one. I look behind me as I see a pile of white marker posts in a cart near a large, baron oak tree. These will make great fire wood. I kneel down and smile to myself. I feel arms close over me as long locks of chestnut brown hair cascades over my shoulder. I breathe in and smell the most fragrant white flowers. The breeze sends the aroma across the vast meadow that lies before me. The sun kisses my face as its light dances across the tops of the trees. Nothing could take this away. Not now, not ever. I feel warm breath on my cheek and a light kiss that sends a tingle through me. I smile again as I pick up my shovel and grasp her hand. I begin to walk back down the path, smiling all the way. She still moves me. She still thrills me. She's still with me. I stop briefly to pick a white flower. A gift for my little Ayva. If only her mommy could be here. I guess she is in many ways. I am complete. I have always been. And will always be. A loan flower rests at the foot of a little white cross. Just a little longer, my love.

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