Sunday, January 13, 2008

   I'm a screw up.

*Rocks back and forth crying* I messed up. I messed up. I messed up. I messed up. I messed up. I messed up. I messed up. I messed up. I messed up. I messed up. I messed up. I messed up. I messed up. I messed up.. I should die. It doesn't matter anymore. I messed up. I messed up. I simply.. Messed up. I need to die. I need to go. She hates me. She hates me. I was stupid. I am stupid. I'm a fucking bitch. I just.. Need to die. She probably hates me enough to not want me anymore. So I should just kill myself. I have nothing left. Nothing at all. I'm a royal bitch.

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Friday, January 11, 2008

So, how many people noticed my site was turned off yesterday? I bet none. I'm unnoticeable in the real and cyber world. Like my site? Took me forever to make the baby. It's so ugly, that it's cute. I just wanna pinch it's orange wittle cheeks! The baby was dropped on it's face a few times. That's why it's so fucked up. Don't do drugs kids! Do hugs! I can't wait till this summer. I want Ashley here so bad. I'm going to show her so many things here. Before I thought that NH was a major boring dump, but then I realized that there's things here that I enjoy. It'll be a month for her and I on Monday. I can't believe it. I can't picture myself without her, and I'm not about to. She means the whole world to me. She's my reason to live and breathe. I love her for every beat my heart makes, and every breath I take. I love you Ashley. AJC+BLL=Forever¢¾ Anyway, I'm going to finish watching Joe's Apartment. Which is a movie with talking cockroaches in it. Anyone ever see it? Funky towel, towel's got the funk! Enjoy your Friday! TGIF! xoxo Britty Don't be silly, wrap your willy!

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Wednesday, January 9, 2008

God damn it. I just fucked up my site big time. I accidentally pasted my damn post into my profile. *sigh* I'll have to fix that later.. Results of being tired, anxious, and in a not so good mood. My grandma came over yesterday to celebrate my mom's birthday early. Her birthday's on the 13th, which I believe is on a Sunday. She's turning the whopping 37! We didn't really do anything. My grandma can't stand dirty dishes, even if there's one. She'll start washing them when ever she comes over. After she was done with her little cleaning spree, my mommy opened her gifts from her. Ha, I can tell my mom didn't like them. She was being too excited over nothing. We talked some after that, and then it was dinner time. My mom wanted Chinese food, but there's no longer a Chinese food restaurant in Hooksett. There's a Japanese restaurant in place of the Chinese food restaurant now. So, we ordered stuff that was similar to that of Chinese food. I'm not a fan of Chinese Japanese Mexican Italian Greek Polish etc. Not that it doesn't taste good, but only because my stomach can't handle it. My stomach can't even handle American food. I now have to drink Lactaid milk because milk is hurting my stomach more than before. I have to have lactaid cheese too. It pretty much sucks. I have my dad's stomach. I just hope I don't get the disease he has. Anyway.. We finished eating, and the we watched Shrek the Third. I love that movie. I friggin' love that frog king. Haha, I put frong at first! *Laughs ass off* ..... By the time the movie was over my grandma had to scoot. So she left. Then I talked to my beautiful Ashley. I missed her SO much! I hadn't talked to her all day yesterday. I love her so much. I don't know what I'd do without her. Probably die, seeing as how she save me from the state I was in before. I'm extremely grateful for her. Extremely. I don't want to go to school today... Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit. I just want to be home schooled I mean, it can't make me more fucked up than I am now. High school sure as hell isn't helping me any. Yeah, I know.. You're supposed to face your fears, but.. I wish one person knew exactly how I felt. No one understands. They think it's no big deal, but that's because they don't know what it feels like. It terrifies me. No matter how much I explain to people why school scares the living daylights out of me, they don't understand. Then I get punished for not going. It's not that I don't want to go.. It's that I can't. I can't go anywhere now. I dread it, and then I think about it, and then I hide from it. I just need someone to push me, but no one does! No one helps! They just like to bitch at me, and scare me into going somewhere. Maybe that's their tactic of getting me to go somewhere, but it doesn't help. I keep thinking about how I'm going to be nothing if I don't start going to school, which is why I want to be home schooled. Fucking home school me people! Gee.. *Sigh* Let's just say this.. Take your worst fear and multiply that feeling ten times more. That's how I feel every day. That still doesn't completely describe how I feel on a daily basis. I just want it to go away.. I want to go away. I'm tried of being afraid of things that's a simple task for other people. I just.. I want it to go away.. -Britty

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Tuesday, January 8, 2008

I was watching the show Paranormal State, and you know stuff like that scares the shit out of me, yet I find it extremely interesting. Recently I've been obsessing over fairies and gargoyles and all the sort. I seriously find that stuff so cool. I only wish fairies, goblins, vampires, etc. were real. I remember when I was younger I watched this movie called Little Monsters, and it has goblins in it. It's my favorite movie by far. But anyway, after watching that movie, every night I hoped for a goblin to kidnap me and take me to the goblin world. To my disappointment that never happened. *SCREAMS!* My cat just scared the living shit out of me!! She jumped up on my lap, and I'm a bit jumpy, and... AH! Haha... Anyway, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by my evil kitty, I wish all these mythical creatures were real. I know that witches are, because there's actually witches in this world. I also to some extent think vampires are real, but only because people dress up like them. Other than that I know they're not real. As for fairies.. Well, there's some really gay people in this world who could pass as a fairy. *Chuckles* I just wish they were actually real. I'm seriously obsessed with fairies and goblins at the moment right now. And when I say fairies I don't mean Tinkerbell. She sucks. I mean actual awesome possum fairies. I wish I could draw! I want to draw a fairy so bad. I tried it in school once. Looked more like an angel than anything. *Barfs* Don't like angels or God or any of that. I don't care if that offends anyone either. I have my own opinions and so does everyone else. So, anyway... I'm thinking about doing a new theme. No, I'm not mad at Ashley. I'm still madly in love with her as before. I just have an idea that might be funny to some, if you the type of sense of humor I do. So's me is gonna think on that. Sorry for the weird ass post. I'm in a weird ass mood. I hope you all have a weird ass day too! xoxo Weird Ass Britty That's my sexy ass fairy that I drew. You know you're totally diggin' her and my bad ass skills. P.S. Guys That's what happens when a boy takes too many steroids. It makes the penis fall off completely, then you're just a head suspended by awful looking bat wings.

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Monday, January 7, 2008

Head hurts. Ears hurt. Whole body hurts. Mom went insane yesterday. She believed the tv was spying on her. Started screaming at random moments. She's still in this house though. My grandpa wouldn't come here because he's not feeling well. Then my grandma wouldn't come here because she's too far away. Plus, neither one of them believed that she was really depressed, stressed, and paranoid. *Slams head on desk* To top it all off I don't have a counselor. She dropped me last week. I couldn't go to the movies with Caitlin yesterday. My mom wouldn't let me. Yet it's still my fault. *Grumbles* I just wanna go to a cave in the woods somewhere, and hide out. I want Ashley to be there too. Just her and I. No one else. Her and I in seclusion, away from the world. In our own little world. With no worries or stress. Just the two of us entangled in each other's love. That's all I want. Peace. Instead we're trapped in reality. A cruel, violent world. *Sigh* What can you do. Anyway, it's 2:03 AM. I doubt I'll be able to get to sleep. So I think I'm gonna color. *Laughs a bit* In my kitty and puppy coloring book. That'll never get boring. I hope you all have a great day. xoxo Britty

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Sunday, January 6, 2008

Thanks for the 21 comments guys. Very much appreciated. I've been getting around to sites as well. So, hopefully I've been getting better with that. I'm still not feeling well. I feel queasy. I hate it. MSN was being an ass yesterday while I was talking to Ashley. So I tried calling her to tell her what happened so she wouldn't freak.. But noooooooo! She didn't answer!! Haha, just kidding. XD She had it on silent in her room, but still.. She didn't answer! Nooooooo! Ha.. I love giving her a hard time. Especially when she makes all her millions of typos. It's so damn funny. Here's one that she did that was hilarious! Britty:how is you though my loverly? Ashley:I'm god Ashley:omg.. Britty:You're GOD?! Ashley:GOOD Ashley:XD Britty:That explains why you're so awesome! Britty:*kisses your feet* Ashley:YES! I am the almighty GOD! So damn funny!! I love her so much. She's so fucking adorable. I just wanna eat her! Not in a perverted way, you sickos! *Sigh* She's amazing though. I love her so very much. *Huggles her* Ugh.. My cat just barfed on my slipper. *Grumbles* It's a frog slipper too! AH! She's still puking! So gross! I'm not touching it. Otherwise I'll vomit, and then my mom will have to pick up mine and the cats. I might be going to the movies with my friend Caitlin today. We're gonna see One Missed Call, and Juno. We'll probably throw candy at people too. Haha, I remember this one time we went to the premiere of POTC3 and this lady told us to be quiet. I think it was at that movie. I dunno. We've thrown candy and stuff at people and talked and crap so many times I can't remember. If she texts during the movie, I am taking her phone, and I'll shove it up my ass. I hope you all have a great day today! Adios! xoxo Britty

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Saturday, January 5, 2008

Oh em gee. I am not feeling good. I'm wicked nauseous. That's what I feel like I'm gonna do. Yummeh. She put the lime in the coconut, she drank them both up She put the lime in the coconut, she drank them both up She put the lime in the coconut, she drank them both up She put the lime in the coconut, she called the doctor, woke him up, And said, "Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take, I say, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache? I say, Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take, I say, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?" Now my head feels all congested. My eyes hurt too. Dag nabit! Anyway, I'm going to go talk to my Ashley baby. I feel like I'm losing her. *Sigh* I don't know. I just have this lonely feeling, and I want it to go away. I hope you all have a great day. xoxo Britty

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Friday, January 4, 2008

It's three weeks for Ashley and I today! *Smiles* It's been the best three weeks of my life. I LOVE her so much. More than anything. She's my reason to live. I love you Ashley. I always will, and I'll never stop loving you. I promise you that. 12-14-07¢¾ Let's see.. Yesterday I had to clean my ferret, Silly's cage. I started using my mom's boyfriend's vacuum that he uses in his shop, and it was sucking everything up just fine, till it got clogged. Then it kept getting clogged. I managed to suck up all the poop and shavings though. I only thought it was going to take me a few minutes, but it took WICKED long. While I was doing that Silly was in his carrier, and he pissed in it. So, that resulted in me having to give him a bath. Which he really needed anyway. He took a bubble bath! With his own ferret shampoo of course. He doesn't like baths. I found out he can swim though. Whenever he gets out of the tub he runs around rubbing himself on stuff. It's funny. He thinks it'll make him dry. Which in turn it does, but.. He's stupid. He's really fluffy now. He smells better too. The kitties got a bath too! Kinda.. My mom used baby wipes on them. So now they smell like a baby!! All my pets got a bath, except my bird Banana. That's because he usually bathes himself. He'll go in his water dish. I haven't seen him do that for a while. It's cute though. He always splashes me. Wow, I'm a dork. Ah well! I redid my site. You like? I still need to add more. trying to stay in the color scheme. Otherwise I freak. OCD and it's evilness. Umm.... I think that's all. Sorry for the boring post. I hope you all have a great Friday! xoxo Britty I love you Ashley!¢¾

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Thursday, January 3, 2008

*Yawnyawnyawnyawn* I'm so tired!! I've been going to bed at eight. I only woke up once, and that was to go wee wee and it took me about 20-30 minutes to go back to sleep. But I'm so effing tired! I feel like a 90 year old woman in a 16 year old girl's body. *Grumbles* I miss Ashley!! She doesn't have school today!! She was supposed to but because it's so cold she doesn't have school. Or something like that. Mwahaha... She's hooked on the new song "When I'm Gone" by Simple Plan. *Evil grin* I miss her. *Pouts* I didn't want to leave to go to bed last night because she was upset. People are so mean to her, it makes me mad. I love her though. More than anything. Tomorrow will be three weeks! ^______^ Since it's been really cold lately my mom's car won't start without a jumpstart from someone every morning. Pretty much sucks. Our car's not like shitty, but it's not great. Today's uniform day for ROTC, and I don't know where my uniform is. ._. And both Commander and First Sergeant monitor the halls in the morning, so if I can't find my uniform I'm gonna have to confront one of them. First Sergeant is more evil than Commander. I have a pass though, so... If I can't find it hopefully that'll excuse it, even though you have to show your pass the day before. *Has anxiety attack* Anyway, I gotta try and look for my uniform and then get ready for school. Even though I have no energy whatsoever. I hope you all have a great day! xoxo Britty

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Wednesday, January 2, 2008

I'm awake right now. Not a good thing. Considering it's midnight and I have school later on today. I don't wanna go to school. *Grumbles* I'm gonna miss Ashley. The whole vacation I talked to her all day, and then I'm only going to be able to talk to her for a few hours till the weekend. *Sigh* She doesn't go back till Thursday. Not fair! *Throws a tantrum* I'm craving wheat chex right now. I think after I post this I'm gonna go have some. I love that cereal. I seriously have to stop eating. I've been eating so much lately. Heh, I'd say one of my resolutions would be to get over my eating disorder, but that's not going to happen any time soon. In fact I have to go to a specialist sometime next month because of it. If I don't I'll have to be hospitalized I think after this week though I'm going to stop eating. I'm gonna get fat. I'm craving Ashley too. *Cries* She's probably sleeping right now, like I should be. Nyeh... Have a great day everyone! xoxo Britty

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