Emily's been on my mind.
To be frank, I don't think she's ever going to be off my mind.
I had a dream about her last night..
And, we were laying down on her bed, and I was laying on top of her, listening to her heart beat.
I looked to her and said, "I love listening to your heart beat."
She asked why and I said, "Because, that heart loves me, therefore I love it very much."
And she smiled, and I pushed her shirt up and kissed her chest where her heart is and put my ear back to her heart, and listened.
I wish it didn't have to end.
*Sigh*
I shouldn't be complaining.
After all I brought this upon myself.
I just wish I could have seen.
She was the one all along.
But my mind was so preoccupied, and I was so hurt that I didn't realize soon enough.
Now..
I have nothing.
Nothing at all.
Just enemies.
I have no way of getting her back.
I screwed up, and that's, that.
She wants nothing to do with me.
But, I don't think I'm going to stop trying.
Not unless I get so terribly week.
I'm going to try to get her back.
I just don't know how.
I'm also going to start writing letters.
One each day, to the people who play important roles in my life.
Because I don't know when my day will be.
But, I know it'll be soon.
If things don't look up for me.
My existence is over.
She doesn't care..
So, maybe I shouldn't either.
If only I could make myself not.
But, she's something I want, and I don't want to let go.
//x
