Saturday, October 20, 2007

   It's my fault.

My mom tried killing herself yesterday.. She took over 100 pills, and she cut herself. See, when I got home yesterday she wasn't there. I thought nothing of it, because lately she's gone shopping a lot. So, I got home talked to Emily, and then I went to lay down to take a nap. The phone kept ringing, and I didn't bother to answer it. Then I heard my dad call, and I decided to go and pick the phone up. I listened to the messages, and there was one from a nurse from the hospital. She just said to call, and I was confused. Then my mom left a message saying, "Brittany, I'm at CMC call me." Only in a really groggy voice. I still didn't know what was going on. So, I called the hospital, and the nurse was like, "She wants to know if you want to come to the hospital or stay home." *Still confused* I asked why she was there, and she was like, "She took some pills, and she doesn't remember how many." *Still oblivious* I called my grandpa, and he came and picked me up and brought me to the ER. We had to wait FOREVER to see her. Then finally we did. I still couldn't figure out what was wrong. But then I asked her if she took the pills on purpose, or on accident. She told me that she took them on purpose, and that she cut herself. She cut herself to see what I get out of it. The only reason she got help was supposedly because she thought of me. I basically had to control her for the whole time I was there. She has a really bad temper, and with taking all those pills it didn't help much. So, I had to like tell her to lay down, and to go to sleep. She listens to me. *Sigh* I can't believe she did that. She was going to leave me. I didn't cry when I was there.. But, when I got home I was crying, I bitched at my grandpa too. Only because he's so annoying, and needy. He can't do anything. I really don't want to handle this.. I so don't. I need my mom. I can't live without her.. It's all my fault though. If I hadn't been doing all the stuff I was doing she probably wouldn't have done that. I have to do her laundry, and then bring it to her. I'm so tired right now. I just want to sleep, and with my grandpa here I won't be able to do that. He's annoying me so much. *Sigh* I miss her so much. She's going to be in the hospital for a while. My grandpa won't even help me. He's too retarded to do it. I can't fucking do it all by my damn self. UGH! THIS IS TOO MUCH! Don't get me wrong. I appreciate everything he's done, but I'm fucking 15 years old, and I can only handle so much. He's 72, and he's her father. He's capable of doing things. I'm just so tired. I can't even do all this. It's too hard. I was just in her room looking for clothes, and a ton of her pill bottles went all over. All I could say was "Fuck." I can't look at pill bottles. *Cries* Ah.. I'm pathetic.

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