Wednesday, January 9, 2008

God damn it. I just fucked up my site big time. I accidentally pasted my damn post into my profile. *sigh* I'll have to fix that later.. Results of being tired, anxious, and in a not so good mood. My grandma came over yesterday to celebrate my mom's birthday early. Her birthday's on the 13th, which I believe is on a Sunday. She's turning the whopping 37! We didn't really do anything. My grandma can't stand dirty dishes, even if there's one. She'll start washing them when ever she comes over. After she was done with her little cleaning spree, my mommy opened her gifts from her. Ha, I can tell my mom didn't like them. She was being too excited over nothing. We talked some after that, and then it was dinner time. My mom wanted Chinese food, but there's no longer a Chinese food restaurant in Hooksett. There's a Japanese restaurant in place of the Chinese food restaurant now. So, we ordered stuff that was similar to that of Chinese food. I'm not a fan of Chinese Japanese Mexican Italian Greek Polish etc. Not that it doesn't taste good, but only because my stomach can't handle it. My stomach can't even handle American food. I now have to drink Lactaid milk because milk is hurting my stomach more than before. I have to have lactaid cheese too. It pretty much sucks. I have my dad's stomach. I just hope I don't get the disease he has. Anyway.. We finished eating, and the we watched Shrek the Third. I love that movie. I friggin' love that frog king. Haha, I put frong at first! *Laughs ass off* ..... By the time the movie was over my grandma had to scoot. So she left. Then I talked to my beautiful Ashley. I missed her SO much! I hadn't talked to her all day yesterday. I love her so much. I don't know what I'd do without her. Probably die, seeing as how she save me from the state I was in before. I'm extremely grateful for her. Extremely. I don't want to go to school today... Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit. I just want to be home schooled I mean, it can't make me more fucked up than I am now. High school sure as hell isn't helping me any. Yeah, I know.. You're supposed to face your fears, but.. I wish one person knew exactly how I felt. No one understands. They think it's no big deal, but that's because they don't know what it feels like. It terrifies me. No matter how much I explain to people why school scares the living daylights out of me, they don't understand. Then I get punished for not going. It's not that I don't want to go.. It's that I can't. I can't go anywhere now. I dread it, and then I think about it, and then I hide from it. I just need someone to push me, but no one does! No one helps! They just like to bitch at me, and scare me into going somewhere. Maybe that's their tactic of getting me to go somewhere, but it doesn't help. I keep thinking about how I'm going to be nothing if I don't start going to school, which is why I want to be home schooled. Fucking home school me people! Gee.. *Sigh* Let's just say this.. Take your worst fear and multiply that feeling ten times more. That's how I feel every day. That still doesn't completely describe how I feel on a daily basis. I just want it to go away.. I want to go away. I'm tried of being afraid of things that's a simple task for other people. I just.. I want it to go away.. -Britty

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