Sunday, April 17, 2005

alone and forgotton
This soul that I have hurts day in and day out. The heart I long for is no where to be found. What is a heart if it has no love or hate? One that is tainted by darkness? If love is what you seek, then sure enough hate will follow. Without a heart, you are nothing but a corpse. And without a soul, you are nothing but a shell. Put them together and you have “Me”.

God has cursed me. He loves it when I am tortured. He seeks ways to help my demise. This world is filled with happiness, and I with nothing. Love and hate consumes them, when I alone have nothing. They seem to look through me… not even noticing that I exist. I feel hell is on me and God doesn’t give a damn about what happens to me. “God why have you forsaken me”. People say “God loves his children”, but does he love me? Does he even show it? Denies my heart and soul since you have denied me the right to live like them.

Hell sees me as a door, they walk through me take what’s inside. Heavens sees nothing to where I stand. Heavens has declared that I to be nothing, hell thinks otherwise. What one throws away the other takes and keeps? Hell sees a child that cannot look into heavens domain. I look into hell itself and find something I have longed for so many years with hurtful eyes. Seeking a place that I cannot find. Shadows move where no light shines. The darkness has me in a hold that I cannot escape. Where is the light that shines on everyone but me? As I walk, only darkness it follows me to the end of my life. Creatures live in the darkness devouring my soul…if that is what I have. Show me a better life dear lord… if that is what you are. Give me death for I am not needed in this world of yours. But show me something other than loneliness. What have I done to deserve this torment that you show me everyday? Can you not show redemption on this shell that you have made. Why curse one that is fearful and is always in darkness? Can u not show this shell a day from torment? A day that has “Love or Hate”?
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