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Saturday, January 6, 2007
{Saturday} January 6th, 2007
Life..is so hard for me right now
I wish Leigha could see how i feel..and the only thing I wish...for so much right now...is for her to talk to me..
Leigha, I want to live through this..I just want to get through it, with y ou ¢¾
Leigha I Always want to be with you AlWaYs! please..i just want you to feel the same way, please help me ¢¾
and I feel..like she is now ^^ And Im glad she is ♥
I love her so much!♥ And, Ill always be wondering, why.? why did God give me this wonderful and beautiful and amazing girl to hold ontu ♥ Forever♥
and now..im trying to keep to that word..Keep to that promise
I want to hold ontu you forever Leigha ♥
♥Always&Forever♥
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Thursday, January 4, 2007
{Thursday} January 4th, 2007
ugh..i feel lik im falling behind ^^ but its okay..im glad to at least try to post something once in a while
anyways ..schools going okay,homework ugh.. but im glad to be able to see Leigha again ¢¾ and be able to see her mor eand more everyday . i was so glad to spend time with her! ¢¾
ugh, well anyways.. im at least having some fun in my classes. in horticulture we get to make our "dream home" and..we get a little budget to deck it out ^^ but im okay with it, its cool to add weird features to a house (and not screw up the installation)
anyways, i got to go, its nine oclock right now..and i dont have homework but my hand really hurts.!. Ive been writing too much, to a special someone ¢¾ but im happy ^^¢¾
tomorrow..hopefully, im hoping that we do, ill be spending some time with the most beautiful gril in the world (hint hint) and i cant wait to ¢¾
wel tty guys later
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Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007
my day was okay today..actually..I Lied!! ^^! !
i got to see Leigha ¢¾ for almost 4 hours! i was so happy to see her and to be able to hold ontu her ~
and now i know and remember what makes me happy so much in this world ~her~¢¾
tomorrows going to suck so much! schools coming back an di dont wan tto go back, but in a way, i want to so that i can see leigha¢¾
because i miss her so much during the day,
and i wonder whats shes going to say to her friends if they ask about the necklace i gave her! ^^ hopefully something, im so happy that shes still wearing it ¢¾
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Monday, January 1, 2007
January 1st, 2006
yeah, a Happy New YEAR ! ! !
i had so much fun last night, except for around 4ish.
I had a Halo party set up for my house, but my dad didnt come home and he called me he was staying out of town so i had to cancel it, and one of my close friends got mad and took it into his own hands and had it at his house, it was okay..but he still got mad becuz he HAAAD to have it, when i couldve postponed it to today, which hopefuly we have a get together today with like maybe 6 people..i dont know.. it all revolves on what me and Leigha are doing today
I had so much fun with her last night, because of the my dad not coming, Leigha couldnt come so she decided to go to St Marks, I left the Halo party at 10:20 and I got to spend time wth her and friends at St Marks.. It was actually pretty fun, maybe because I got to go into my old church and see past memories and becauseI got to spend it with her ~
I miss her so much right now, and I wish that we could do something today, and hopefully we can, I still have to clean my house a little bit before my parents get home today, oh well, ill make a /bigger mess tonight :P
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Sunday, December 31, 2006
December 31st, 2006
Woohoo New Years Eve! yay..i guess ^^ . I don't really celebrate the New Years Celebration, but I like being with my friends on this day (gives an excuse to stay up :P)
I'm hoping that the halo party tonight is fun!..but thats not what im worrying about most. I want Leigha to come so bad! And I hope her parents let her come because I miss my beautiful girl so much! And hopefully I get to see her, her mom gave a reaction yesterday , that I never saw before, she was really thinking about letting Leigha go. And I hope she does.
Time goes on more and more as the halo party gets closer and closer. I'm worrying so much about how itll turn out, not just about what the food will be, or how many people will show up or will we need more tvs, but i dont know..i just think im worryting too much, and i know the biggest thing on my mind that i MAY be worrying about is if Leigha comes..I want her to so bad!
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Saturday, December 30, 2006
December 30, 2006
Well. I didn't get any sleep again. I can't explain it... but I really felt like calling Leigha. . but I didn't want to wake her, or make her parents mad.. I don't know, I guess I was just waiting for her to call me with a problem..
And..I found one of my problems..It's just, I'm sad about my birthday..I mean, I thought this year, I could spend it with friends, and the only person right now that I really wanted to spend it with, was Leigha. And she's going to an Anime convention the same day..I don't know if I should be..mad , or frustrated....or ...depressed :(.. I just remember what I did last year, when I went up to Lucky Peak with my dad.. and we visited my best friend's grave..I cried for nearly two hours.. and that whole week I felt like I wasn't worth the world..that I was always going to be mourning again and again as the same day came and as ..I would feel the loss of my best friend over.. .I'll..probably..do that again this year.. Since I know I won't be able to see Leigha...I just ..don't know what to do, because maybe a miss feeling may make her sad along with how im feeling right now..
She was making me so happy yesterday, just hearing her voice made me happy..until i heard about that..And ..I still feel...so sad.. I don't know why, but now I'm dreading something, thats 3 months away..my own birthday. I miss her so much, and I wish she could hear my cries from inside.. *tears*
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Friday, December 29, 2006
December 29th, 2006
Well, I guess I can say that I'm truly happy ^^I didnt wake up to having the dream. I was so happy, and I'm glad that me and Leigha talked more than ever (6 hours) I always was glad. ^^.
I'm hoping so much that I get to see her today. I miss my beautiful girl so much!.! I never want to go another day without her..and i feel so sad when im not with her. But, I feel happy now, knowing that she never wants to let me go, and shes wearing my heart around her neck on a beautiful pendant that I gave her. I was hoping she liked it. And I'm glad that she did ¢¾
I dont know..but I feel happy.. And even over the whole guy thing..It's just, I don't like to go to any of her homepages..and seeing another guy posted a comment..I never do..And, I guess, I was glad because I went ontu her myspace today, and I didnt see any ♥
And thats what makes me happy
I got this part of a song stuck in my head..I always loved this part of this song . (Linkin Park-Crawling)
"Thers something inside me that
pulls beneath the surface,
Consuming, confusing
Its like a self control thats neverending,
Controlling,"
I love that part, probably because for once his voice is calm..i like the sound of that
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Thursday, December 28, 2006
December 28th
Well..like usual..i wake up without any thought,until seconds later i get hit by the stragest yet, saddest feelings ever..
I gave my Christmas present to Leigha last night at the mall, i knew it was late, but i was still glad to see her say thank you..i just still dont know if she really appreciated it..i felt like i got her the wrong gift sometimes, that there was something better that i couldve gotten her...
I cried so much last night..I feel like im losing Leigha so much..when i hear that she cant be with me becaus eo f her parnets, i feel and think about me and haylas past relationship..Hayla used that excuse to be with other guys..and i felt sad...sad and i wish it wouldve stopped and i wished i coudlve prevented it, but i knew i couldnt..I just feeel like im going to lose Leigha to any stranger who comes walking into her life, that starts talking to her..starts telling her things..I know I wont ever trust another boy ever talking to her, ever!
I just odn tknow how to make it stop!..I want to be able to trust her, but i also want to be the only boy in her life..to always have the attention on me as I always keep the attention on her..
..I just dont know what to do..
I am happy now that ive talked to leigha more..and i still want her to call
I feel empty without her..but then i remember how shes changed my life..and I feel like smilin and my hearts feels warm even now..maybe it shouldnt because im not with her..but i remember who shes changed..for her..she changed me
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