Sunday, December 4, 2005

   ello there
im bored
im going back to my moms house in like an hour and a half
yay!
i wanna go snowboarding, i cant till tomorow after school though. hopefully there will still be snow left.
i went to the mall alone for afew hours yesterday. i got an oober cute skirt, a scarf , and a necklace from hot topic and then an invader zim dvd at borders. yay for me!
the best part though, was when i ran into my friend shawn. i dont get to see him very much but we hung out at the mall for a while last night. it was fun.
then i came home and watched house of wax. it was twisted. i wish i could write like that.
anyways, today ive been bored all day.
i was forced to go to church this morning. that was majorly sucky as usual.
i wander when my next shrink appointment will be...? i swere the next tim she asks me why i cut im gonna slap a bitch though. she asks me that like 5 times every time i see her. hell if she lived with my mom shed have already commited scuicide.
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Saturday, December 3, 2005

the following was a note someone wrote me:
I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending it's as much as i can take
and you're so independent
you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting









the note is over and all i have to say is:




where are you now?

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   poem i wrote in rehab
it started out like any other thing
we're young its just part of the game
but then i fell in love with you
an innocent love with no shame
it lasted a while and we grew close
i loved you with all of my heart
but then i got stupid and wanted a break
and thats what tore us apart
it was fun for a while but id have to live up
to so many mistakes while we were seperatd
so many long drags i took
and so many cheap guys i dated
then one day i realzed i needed you back
or my life wouldnt be complete
we got back together but it was short lived
but this time you left me
it hurt so bad you cant even imagine
i was ready to love again
you didnt know and for that im sorry
cause i shoud hae told you then
now you call and apologize to me
you say youre sorry for all youve done
but hun youre just a little too late
cause ive found another one
dont get me wrong its not the same
he'll never mean what you did to me
still i long to go back to the way things were
but for now it cannot be
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Friday, November 25, 2005

   so much to tell
lots has happened since ive posted . LOTS. so read on and get the 4-1-1
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me and janelle made up
we werent really fighting or anything. me and some of our friends were just kinda mad at her for some stuff. like she started some rumors about me and angela back at our old school and she was being kinda 2 faced and stuff. no biggie though cause we're good now.
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   im 15 now
my birthday was november 12. i had afew friends over. angela and scotty went to the skatepark with me wich is when sparks flew between me and allen and between tommy(allens cousin) and angela. it was oober cute. then we went back to my house where janelle(we made up the day before), branden and mitchel were waiting. cathrine and warren came later. we had alot of fun. at lik 9 oclock we went to the skatepark. no one was there so we were dorks and slid down the ramps. it was fun.
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   new boyfriend
me and mark are over. i love him to death but it just wont work. so anyhow , now i have allen(not the one i met in the ward). he goes to bowsher and hangs at the skatepark . hes pretty cool and i really like him. weve only been an item for about 2 weeks but i think this one might last. MIGHT. alot of people dislike him though and i already got yelled at by my friends for goiing with him. i dont care though. i like him and thats all that really matters to me. and angela, my best friend, has a thing for his cousin. they met on my birthday.
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   depression
i have been rediagnosed with depression and put on prozac again. this time i have a court order that my mom has to give it to me though, not like last time. ive also been seeing a shrink. that was part of the court order aswell.
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jail time
so, 2 weeks before i got admitted to the ward, also on a thursday i got in a bit of trouble. my mom wouldnt get out of my face and she slapped me so i hit her. then we got into a fight and i hit her afew more times. she called the cops so i ran out and went to the skatepark. not long after. my sister came looking for me. she grabbed me by the hair and tried to get me to go home. i socked the shit out of her afew times. it bruised the whole inside of her mouth, cracked her lip, and gave her a bloody nose. she still had me by the hair though so i finally gave in and went home. by then, the police were there, i got cuffed and spent the night down town. the next day i had a trial though and i got out.
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   psyco ward
alright so monday i got out of the psyco ward. thats right, i was in a psyco ward. i went in thursday after being rushed to the ER where i received 8 stitches on my left wrist. i cut a little too deep i guess.

it wsant so bad though. i made a friend who im still keeping in contact with. he is a pretty cool guy. allan is his name by the way.
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