Friday, January 5, 2007

   5 months later i shall post again
..
the past few months ...well things have gotten better and worse
my mom found out about all the drinkin and huffin
so im grounded... till march 5th...
already been grounded over a month
and im still on probation... which is worse now
i go to drug treatment court every wednessday
i have to take drug tests twice a week
i go to alcoholics anonymous meetings every thursday
and im about to start at connecting point
(a drug/alcohol abuse rehab thing)
its 3 days a week, about 5 hours a day
but ive stayed out of jeuvie at least
if im really good ... if..
i will graduate drug treatment and get off probation
june 21st
thatll be over a year stuck on probation... wasted almost
but hey, once its done
i aint gettin caught doin jack shit ever again

jordan is cheating on me
with more than one girl
and im grounded so i cant do much about it
otherwise id catch him, kick her ass, and be done with him
but for now...
im just sittin around.. waiting in a loveless relationship
just sittin at home
and goin to depressing AA meetings
and feeling as close to dead as ive ever fealt
nothing is real in my life
i gotta stay sober for 6 months
thats like getting your leg broken
and the doc sayin you cant have advil
all i want is a drink to make all the color come back life
and i cant have one
cause they give me random breath tests to detect alcohol
yea
my lifes a shit hole
6 more months....
of puttin on a happy face and actin like im ok
and only posting the truth on this website (not myspace)
cause i dont want my friends to know
but i cant stand keeping it bottled up all the time
and i know that jordan doesnt love me like he says
weve been off and on for a year now
we have talked about being together forever
maybe i was drunk...
maybe he was lying..
either way it dont matter
while im going through withdrawal and fighting with my family..
while i go to my meetings and my court dates..
he is out gettin high and sleeping with other girls
......
o well, screw him
lying basterd
im just waiting to get ungrounded
and waitin to graduate drug court
and waiting to get off probation
waiting
waiting
and when i get to that point in 6 months
do you know what i think im going to do....??
im gonna go sit on the tracks by my house
with a bottle of vodka
and a pack of cigarretes
alone
without anybody else
and curse the world
for making me wait so god damn long
to start ending my life again

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