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myOtaku.com: HardLuckWoman
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Wednesday, March 14, 2007
 Post Time: 12: 20 am
Food for thought
Ahh, my mind is so lost. Its only the middle of the week, and its sucked. Sunday night, Lance and I got into a pretty good arguement. Thought that we broke up cause he wasn't answering his phone. Monday and tuesday I spent trying to make up to Lance for sunday. I'm a little overwhelmed, confused, and frustrated. Lost my job cause I handed them my new school schedule, and they said that they couldn't have me working for them if I was going to be in school more than work. Been in a long process of trying to move out on my own. And now that I'm jobless, thats now become an even more distant dream. I have no friends that I could live with, and I don't want to live with Lance. His house is already full enough as it is. I feel alienated and alone right now. Turning in every direction, and every path leads to nowhere. I don't have any job offers flying at me like Lance does, and I sure as hell don't want to go back to work at the mall. The only thing I've been offered is from my friend Brittany, to work at a strip club. And I don't want to do that. But if I get desparate enough, in the back of my mind, I'll start to consider it. I'm at the end of my rope, and if I fall there's nothing to catch me. I don't think that anyone should be going through as much mental anguish as I am right now. Its too much to bear, and no one deserves to torture themselves. I have no one to turn to, and no place to go. Life is a two way lane and I think my car just died. I don't know what I'm going to do. I really don't. I feel so lost. I feel unwanted and unnoticed. Like I'm screaming at the top of my lungs in a crowded room and no one turns to see who is making all the noise. I've been listening to Lance say "Just stick with school, bust ass there, and it'll all work on." Sorry honey, but school won't pay the bills that are coming in now. I want a life that I can call my own, not a life where I have to ask my mother for permission to do anything. That isn't a life at all. I need someone to step down and save me. Because I can't seem to do it myself this time.
Well that's all for now. Later
When you step to the ledge of all the light you have left, and you take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you might believe one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for you step upon, or you will learn how to fly.
~Unknown
Zeroing Out. . . .
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