Monday, July 9, 2007

Post Time: 12:37 am

1. Well I got to tell Lance everything that I needed and wanted to say to him. And that was good, because we both got some things off our chests. And the air between us was wonderful, until this weekend hit.

PS- He also bought me some really pretty red flowers. I liked them a lot.

2. This weekend has been such a mess. I don't even know where to begin.

Well lets see.

This is how it all started. My brother smarted off to me, and just kept pushing my buttons, and so I just lost it and got really pissed off and spit in his face. I didn't even realize what I did, until after I did it. I went into my room and locked the door, which he beat on and put a big ass crack in and threatened to slaughter my cat.

Yes, my brother is a fucking pyscho.

He gets pissed off because of what I did, that when my mom comes home from Home Depot/Lowes he tells her that a "friend of his" told him that I spent the night at Lance's one night.

So this weekend I've been put on trial about spending the night at Lance's. And of course I had to deny it all. And my mom is all like "Well if you've been spending the night with him, that must mean you've been sleeping with him too." Sleeping as in having sex with him. And it's just been hell this weekend. And because of all the stress I've been put under with my mother, every time Lance and I talked this weekend, we'd end up arguing. And we both hate doing that. But sunday was a little better, because I was away from my house, and when I was on the phone with Lance we weren't fighting. But the way he was talking was scarring me. He was saying "Well your mama wants us to break up and you might eventually give in to what she wants." And this weekend, everytime we talked he was always talking about breaking up with me, or what if we broke up. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my entire life.

But I talked to his last night, and we smoothed things over, and hopefully things will be better from here.

3. I got a lot of work done on my computer this week. A ton of set backs but I'm almost done reloading all my stuff, and getting it back to the way that I had it.

4. The new quarter starts today. And doesn't end until September. So I'll be staying pretty busy. I'll be taking a english and math, and then this "interpersonal relationships" class. It basically teaches you how to deal with people you don't like. But I already know how to do that. Its called IGNORE THEM. But then again, not everyone can be that smart. And most college classes are retarded and only there to waste your time and zap you in the wallet. Oh well.

5. After this weekend I am dead set on moving out ASAP. I just can't stand to be in this house anymore.

I think my mom has a split personality.
My brother is pyscho, controlling, and tries to bark orders at me like he's my dad.
My dad is perfect. I love him so much.

Everyone keeps telling me "Just hang in there kid." But just hanging in there, isn't doing me jack shit. And just from all the stress of this weekend, I have gain a fever blister on my lip, and a small breakout of acne. And everyone wonders why I freak out over stress??? Why??? Because it shows! Literally!

Living on my own opens a lot of oppurtunities and obstacles. I would be so happy you wouldn't believe it.

Yesterday, it was pouring down raining, and I looked out the window, and said to myself "There is so much freedom out there, and I don't have any of it."

I believe I long for freedom more than anything. I never did like being told what to do, I don't take orders very well.

But yeah, as soon as I get my drivers liscense back at the end of the month (the suspension ends then) I'm gonna go job hunting to get me the best job possible so that I can get a lot of money in a short amount of time, so that I can move out.

Anyone wanna be my roomie?
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