Wednesday, September 8, 2004

   [/fangirlism]
~ending my fangirlistic ways. Screw spending hours upon hours on message boards that incite such behavior from me. Am now set on avoiding places like Tofu Records Forum where my music-based threads are completely ignored in favor for threads that basically encourage Hyde droolfests, or random fan fic collaborations about L'Arc o_O; Sure, seeing more Yukihiro pictures are always awesome, but it all gets quite tiring after a while. Especially when one really wants to talk more about the music and songs, and only ends up getting into a serious discussion about such things with really only one other person. Or two. Out of the possible 30 or so folks that frequent the forum. Sad.

Also off limits now is the Duel Jewel overseas BBS. Just...no. I don't want to cross that border from a fan of their music/performance ability to a crazed stalker. And on there, it's quite possible, especially since the people on there seem to know extremely personal things about the band members. And because the band members do check the board frequently, especially my favorite band member, Val (yes I have a thing for drummers), I really don't want to be seen as just another fangirl. It gets tiring after a while, ne? At Fanime, I heard that people weren't really asking about their music at their panel, and that girls were just asking for hugs and shit, and you know, if I were in a band, and that shit happened, I'd be incredibly frustrated.

This transition is going to be hard, especially since I've been fangirling for so long, but hell, I'm too old to be acting that way. But seriously, it's time to focus on the more important things instead of wasting my time on stupid frivolous conversations about Yukihiro's arms (as awesome as they are). Lord knows all those threads and shit are sort of fun, but they really make me delusional. And they incite too much hope. All the talk of a California concert really raised my hopes when I didn't want them to be raised. I, for one, am quite tired of disappointment, and I realized that I don't want to be disillusioned like I feel a bunch of people on those types of forums are. I used to be like that, all hoping and shit, but what has come from it so far? Nothing. Shit. Just more stupid fucking rumors that aren't worth listening to.

Sigh. I don't know where this post is going, but whatever. I'm just tired of my fangirl ways, and I'm ending them now. I just can't take all the stupid conversations that come up during fangirling. They were fun, but they just aren't fulfilling. My mind needs to be stimulated with some form of intelligent conversation, and it just isn't happening. I'm not saying that the people participating in such acts are stupid or anything. This is my own personal choice of leaving that part of the fandom because I just need a little something more than that.

However, I also can't take totally elitest conversations either because then I just end up feeling stupid for liking the things I do. Sighs. Is there anyway to find a happy medium? A middle ground of sorts?

Whatever. :goes off to listen to Orange Range:
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