Friday, October 22, 2004

   Musings
Damn, for some reason I woke up in a good mood today. It could be the fact that I had about eleven hours of sleep, haha. Or it could be that Jalepeno Chedder Focacca I just had for breakfast, cuz that shit was quality. Or it could be the really cold and crisp weather I woke up to ^_^ It feels so great to wake up and get out from under the covers only to find yourself shivering like mad crazy. One of the best feelings in the world.

Maybe today will turn out much better than the all of this entire week. I hope it does because I'm quite tired of feeling like I'm going to burst out in tears at any given moment. I also think that maybe my emotions are so unstable because my hormones are going wacky and it's almost my time of month, lol. For some reason, I always get super emotional right before PMS hits (and why do I keep using the word "super" lately?). Maybe that was too much information for all of you, but quite frankly, I don't care, haha ^_^

I suddenly felt a new song come to me the other day. The melody haunts me, and although the lyrics aren't all quite there yet, it's a song that's really coming from deep within me, and I know that if I don't let people hear it, I'm going to go insane. I've got to get it all down and together on my guitar along with the lyrics before I post it up on here or something. ^_^ I seriously think that music is something I'd want to do forever...well, music along with film. ^_^ But man, music is my life. I could spend all day just strumming my guitar and singing or just listening to music in general. I don't know why I tried to deny this feeling for the longest time. It could be the fact that your success would ultimately depend on how well-received your music is, how hot you are, how much publicity you've got, how much a company is willing to spend to promote you, if radio will play your music, and how many units you'll have the potential to sell. All of these things are usually beyond your control, so it's just...a risky business to get into. And Lord knows I'm not much of a risk-taker.

I mean, no matter how much I believe I can make music, there's no garauntee that anyone will like my music. I think it's delusional to wholly believe in something like that without a hint of realistic perspective. This shit is hard. I've taken an Music Business class, and although the assignments and readings were a joke, we did get visitors from the industry who kept things real. So real in fact that it would scare a lot of people out of striving to become a professional musician.

I'm still undecided about what I want to do. I know that if I don't do something now, time will quickly run out on me, but damn it, I'm still confused about what I really want. There's a part of me that wants nothing to do with decisions; I sometimes want to revert back to being a five-year-old when the only thing I had to worry about was if I could have a cookie for dessert or something stupid like that. Of course, a wish like that is fruitless because that's something that won't ever happen. There's so much anxiety for me whenever I think of the future. I want something solid to believe in, but the fact remains that nothing is for certain, and the possibility of me living completely broke and still being dependent on my parents for the next few years is something that'll most likely happen. That's just sad.

But I guess that's just life for you.

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1501 hits. Damn, I guess people do read my crap. I'm a little scared now, haha, but thanks.
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