Saturday, May 5, 2007

nothing seems to go right


hey everyone! well today could've been better. well, to put it bluntly, today sucks. majorly. u'see, the moment i wake up, my parents expect me, to be little miss perfect and do everything they want, and blah and shit. like yesterday for instance. i just came home from school, i had worked out, and played basketball, and had just walked a half a mile (which isn't much, but u'll understand why it's a pain in a second) w/around my weight of school crap that i have to carry and i see my dad on a rare occasion (cause the bastard never seems to come home unless he wants to)outside. and he tell me, before i even walk through the door to come help him. so i give a "o come on, do i have to?" and he gets all bitchy about it. it's like "i'm sorry, u had ur whole two hours of relaxtion, school just isn't hard at all, and i don't mind walking in 90 degree weather. no not at all! i don't mind not having any time to even walk THROUGH THE F**KIN DOOR!" i was so mad! and my little sister (heaven's child so i seem to think) is playing video games. don't wanna disturb her at all cause the poor soul has to do dishes tonite. aw, hte poor damn thing. i swear, that little brat can't do anything wrong. not in their eyes at least. she could almost get away w/murdering me if she wanted to. and then, as if it couldn't get any worse, my dad decides to tell us "hey, i'm gonna invite friends next week, none of them have any kids ur age, just little four and five year olds. so ur gonna have to "entertain them" gee, that's nice. thanks for asking if i wanted them brats over. i hate kids. i've had bad expierences w/them. sure, they're cute, for the first hour. so of course, my parents aren't the type to let me go and shut myself in my room when ppl are over cause my dad wouldn't want them thinking i'm some sort of antisoc, noooo, that would just ruin the poor man's reputation (u know he wouldn't let me wear a chain w/bunnies and pink things on it cause he thought that everyone would think his kid was a punk and a gang member? pretty damn stupid if u ask me). so of course i told him i didn't want them messing up w/naruto, cause despite i'm tired of seeing everywhere, i still like to watch it. and he gets all high and mighty stating that "u know, it's all fine and dandy when u want to go places, but when i want to do soemthing u get all mad and make feel like crap cause i think u don't care" it's like, yah. i don't care. but basically, if i go do things on saturdays, it doesn't deal w/them. in fact, they wouldn't even have to drop me off if they didn't want to. my friend's parents (who probably care more about me than they do) would pick me up! and of course i can't even say that little kids in general are brats cause that's insulting HIS friends children, but they can crack on how they don't approve of my friends or "did u see how big that girl was? she was like three times ur size" it pisses me off so much! and that wasn't even the start of that night. after that i got in trouble cause i wasn't smiling when i was helping dad move stuff. cause i was "enthusiastic" about it. gee, i'm going to be all happy cause i haven't gotten one moment of relaxation and i have to help u bastards w/stuff u can do on ur own. and then today, my little sister went to solol and ensamble or however the hell u spell it, and my parents were all so proud cause she got one medal. they decided to take her out. gee, i got three around a few years ago, and wat did they do? "great job, keep up the good work, tho i think u still need some practice." yeah, i quit band after that. and then after that, i got some package in for a college that i'm looking into. my mom got all pissed off cuase i wasn't tearing through the catolog. i heard her murmuring to dad like some high school girl going "u know, i won't say anything to her anymore, cause all i know if that was the college I'D wanted to go too..."well that's pretty damn hard to imagine mom, cause u never went to college. i'm a fricken freshman in high school! i know it's important, but i'm like, quit breathing down my neck about it. i know wat i want to do, and shit, and she makes it out like i'm some lost cause. i just don't want to grow up, that's all. of course, my parents think i'm "disturbed" anyways. they even told me so. they told me if they had to do it all over again, they wouldn't have let me watched anime, or let me draw. gee, quite the supportive ones aren't they? i distinctly remeber my mom in that conversation saying that i took movies to enjoyingly or soemthing. and she went on to say taht adults could watch a movie and that was that. while i on the other hand would watch it and get excited and be happy. i was like "uh yah, that wat ppl do when they watch something they like" she said i watched all gore and blood (against her will of course). lies and slander i say! i've been reading/watching fruits baskets, kami chama karin, hikaru no go, suki, mink, yotsuba, ouran high school host club, i could go on for hours! and if they'd ever listen to me, they'd realize that! they think i'm stupid, and don't want me to have my own life. i swear. i have to put on a fake smile for those guys just to make sure they aren't on my case. cuase u know if i'm quiet, they get all parinoid and get in my face. i'm like "uh, i shut up, isn't that wat u want? u tune me out anyways," they don't even know my favorite color, or my fav anime guy (hiei) which i have a shrine in my room. my dad gets angry when he's sees me drawing guys w/out shirts. and my mom got mad when she saw me draw a girl w/short shorts cause it was in the girl's character to wear those. she said that it was some skimpy outfit. i'm like "girls nowdays, wear that" and she sent me to my dad and made me ask him if that's wat girl's wear today. i'm like "uh, i kinda see girl's at school, that are my age, i think i know wat they wear, unless u two stare at them as well." my dad got in an uproar stating i couldn't draw trash like that in his house. and then, i drew soemthing completely awesome, i thought it was like, the best thing ever, and all they did was go "sure, that nice" and walk away. some parents they are. they claim they don't know anything about that kind of stuff, but i know anyone can be a critc. they know if soemthing looks off, they just hate me. cuase u know if my little sister came and showed them something (who is getting better w/my coaching, but not close to wat me and my friends can do), they're all over marveling at it like it's masashiki's work. jealous much? yah, u could say i'm envious of her. cause mom and dad like her so much. i hate them. i really do. i hate spending "time" w/them. i hate dad's stupid excuses, i hate how whenever he wants to do something, everyone else has to listen, i hate how he thinks that all that matters is his stupid ideas, i hate how unless it's soemthing he likes, if it's about Youth rating or TVPG i can't watch it, i hate how he checks my music, i hate how he gets on my case if i dont' have a 4.0, i just hate my home! they want to know why i'm always daydreaming, or drawing?! cause i hate life down here, that's why. i want to be somewhere else, and that's the truth. ever since my older sister left, that's how i've felt. i never got along w/kids on our street(s). i never played w/them. i would always be by myself, pretending to be in another world. and whenever it was time to go in, my world would melt, and fun time was over. it was into the hell hole. i'm going to have to move my junior year to a different high school. they won't fight to keep me in the same one like they did for my older sister. and they say that they'll move just at the right time to make sure my little sister gets to go to the same one all four years. that's wat they told my aunt, and i was eavesdropping.

sorry about the rant, i just need someone to listen to them, that's all. i get so angry, cause i try and i try to show them that i can be something, and it always backfires. like, i love to sing, and someone WHO HAS CONNECTIONS was going to start a band and wanted me to be the lead singer. i had to turn it down because my parents said they would be dissapointed because then they said they wouldn't take my dream to be a mangaka seriously. they laugh at my pen name, and joke at my writings, and art. they couldn't care less. i hate them.

twink out
haseo
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