Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Random Thoughts

1. I think Michael Jackson further incriminated himself at his arraignment the other day for when the prosecutor yelled “I object” Wacko Jacko loudly muttered “That’s what McCaulley said”… 2. Does anyone else thing that the judge should use the phrase “the court will break” instead of “the court will recess” during the Jackson trial. I mean there is no reason to overly excite the defendant. 3. Several Democrats have already dropped out of the election, so if you are one of those unfortunate souls that contributed to their campaigns I have only one phrase for you: Hahaha. 4. I was visiting a shrink the other day and he asked who I would be if I could be anyone in the world. I told him I would obviously be Michelle Branch. The shrink then asked if I had any trans-sexual desires. I told him no, I just thought it would be cool to stare at myself naked in the mirror for hours on end. 5. The recent mad-cow scare has caused sales of all beef hotdogs to plummet. I just find it ironic that anyone would think a hotdog is made of beef. 6. Have you ever had the desire to stab a person to death and then cut off their face and make a Halloween mask out of it? Neither have I. 7. I don’t think that Steve Irwin was trying to endanger his son when he dangled him of a hungry crocodile as he fed it a whole raw chicken. I just think that Irwin was trying to prove to the crocodile that everything tastes like chicken, even baby. 8. Two myO updates in as many days? Am I starting a new trend? 9. no.

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Monday, January 19, 2004

Journal Entry: In My Life

I haven’t written a good ole’ fashion journal entry for quite awhile now, so (for anyone who is remotely interested) this basically sums up my recent life. Deep Freeze The North East has been trapped in a cold snap lately and my remote area of Northern Ohio is no exception. For the past two weeks the temperature has not crawled out of the teens and it seems like the snowfall is never ending. I don’t dislike the cold, nor do I dislike the snow, I just really hate scraping my car off four or five times a day. Luckily, the snow is supposed to subside on Wednesday and the weatherman doesn’t predict anymore until Saturday. The weatherman is rarely accurate though, so I am expecting a blizzard. Busy-ness Now that the Holiday season has ended, work has kicked into full gear and my company is busy, busy, busy! I haven’t been able to travel to my block stores lately because our phones are constantly ringing off the hook. There are pros and cons to working inside as opposed to traveling. When I work inside I make a base salary, so the money is constant and I get to spend quite a bit of time online. When I work outside, however, my pay is based on commission and, depending on the week, I can gross pretty large paychecks. Also, there are no hovering bosses when I am on the road, and that can definitely be a god-send. On top of my usual forty-five plus hours of weekly work, I am also taking three classes. Originally I had intended to get my masters in History, but I decided that wasn’t very practical seeing as how I have no real desire to teach. So I opted to get a degree in advertising. When I was in high school I interned for a Charleston based ad agency and I did a fairly good job. I kept in touch with the guy I interned for and I recently found out he was promoted to the New York office. He told me that if I was to get a degree in advertising he would hire me onto his team. Since I am hell-bent on moving to New York and advertising can be quite lucrative, I decided to take him up on his offer. Fitness After the holidays I found myself about ten pounds heavier than usual and I was pretty much disgusted with the way I looked. I decided to give the Atkins diet a go, and I am fairly happy with its results. I’ve managed to loose ten pounds in two weeks by refraining from eating carbs and exercising regularly. I also modified my work out so I can lean down some of my bulkier muscles that tend to pick up fat easily. Anyway, I am fairly vain, so I decided that I am going to continue my diet and my daily core training until I have those defined abs I have always wanted. Politics I guess I bashed the Democratic candidates a little too quickly. In the past week many of the candidates finally presented more defined plans for how they envision running the country. It was also a pleasant surprise to see John Kerry finally show some backbone and John Edwards receiving more recognition than I thought he would. This may turn out to be an interesting primary after all. Post Script Good news in my world of Football (NFL) these past few weeks. Joe Gibbs will coach the Redskins, my absolute favorite NFL team, once again. And, even bigger, the Carolina Panthers, my second favorite team, is going to the Super Bowl! Booyah! Go Cats!

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Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Rant: Democratic Candidates

I was in the shower last night pondering the upcoming presidential race, when I came to the realization; I don’t really like any of the Democratic candidates. Let’s start from the bottom of the Democratic ladder with the Reverend Al Sharpton. First off, he is a reverend, and we all know that a Pentecostal reverend has about as much chance of becoming president as forty year old stripper from Des Moines. Also, he may not be racist, but he sure says a lot of derogatory things about white America in general. Why does Sharpton even run for president? If Nader couldn’t win an election Al, you don’t have a chance in hell. Next up is Dennis Kucinich, yes there is a guy named Dennis Kucinich running for office. I went to his website in hopes to figure out where he stood on specific issues. Apparently Dennis Kucinich has gained enough notoriety to be endorsed by none other than actor extraordinaire, Danny Glover. After bypassing the Danny Glover endorsement, I stumbled upon Kucinich’s website, a list of his humorous, condescending remarks aimed at our current President. I immediately bit my knuckle, if I was thirty-five years old I could have run on that same platform! I think I would actually like John Kerry if he wasn’t such a pussy. This guy went to Yale and fought on a gunboat in Nam. He has also has stuck to his guns on several key issues over the years, including voting against Clinton’s Defense of Marriage Act and voted for Barbra Boxer’s 1993 amendment to the militaries Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy. Although he seemed capable of standing against Clinton, he seems to cower before Howard Dean and Wes Clark in debates. Maybe he was neutered in the past few years, but I sure as heck know that I don’t want a President that doesn’t have the balls to stand up to an opponent. "We are still the world's capital of freedom, one of the last, best hopes of humankind. We must reach out to these people, not push them away. We must build new bridges, not walls. We must join forces with nations to build a better global community for all, and in so doing isolate the terrorists and the autocrats - not our own beloved nation." That was a Dick Gephardt quote, and apparently that is what he stands for. However, he is very vague about his plans to achieve his ideals, unless he literally plans to build new bridges creating a world super highway. Dick Gephardt reminds me of white rice, with a group of complementing foods he can be quite tasty, lone he lacks the substance and flavor to be considered an entrée. Gephardt’s partner in crime, Joseph Lieberman has taken a unique approach in his campaign. It seems as though Lieberman based his entire campaign around chastising his fellow democrats, I bet he isn’t going to be invited to the democratic father-son picnic this year. Another thing that really bothers me about Lieberman is that he has a precise plan for child care but doesn’t seem to have an existing platform for education. Lieberman also has a reputation for focusing to intently on the small issues. Sure, it may be great that small businesses thrive under a Lieberman presidency, but not at the expense of having 15% of America unemployed. I feel that, being a fellow North Carolinian, I should feel some sort of kinship to John Edwards. I don’t. A lot of hype surrounded Edwards when he announced he was running for president. It was too bad that he didn’t capitalize on it appropriately. The only thing that the public knows about Edwards is that he said "Like many of you, I grew up in a little town in North Carolina,” at a California debate. Sorry Johnny boy, but we already have a president that can be inarticulate at times, there is no point trading him in for a similar model. Of all the Democratic candidates, I like Wes Clark the best. My biggest problem with him is that he scares the ever living shit out of me. Whenever he talks I envision the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket and I feel as if I am going to wet my pants. I actually would be inclined to vote for him if he didn’t constantly chastise the war in Iraq. It almost seems that he degrades Bush and the Iraqi war because the Democratic Party expects him to. My least favorite of all the Democratic candidates is the Doctor himself, Howard “the commie” Dean. First off, Howard Dean is not a communist, I don’t think he is a communist, but I do like the nickname so it is sticking. Dean is commendable because he doesn’t just attack Bush; he attacks the whole political machine. After all he is an outsider looking in, a doctor by trade; so what if he was the governor of Vermont? That doesn’t make him a political insider, does it? Like so many of the other candidates, Dean has tons of incredible abstract ideals but no plan to bring them to fruition. He also seems to have very little respect for his fellow candidates, despite sharing common politics with most of the. I also think that his grimace is attributed to his too tight tie. No offense Howard, but if you are going to roll up the sleeves make sure you loosen your tie. That is my take on the Democratic candidates this year, maybe next rant I will write about my disgust with aspects of Bush’s presidency…that could be quite a long post!

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Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Well, I abandoned my attempt trying to and create graphics for my myOtaku.com site. Work has been insane lately and I haven’t had much time to sneak on PSP and create graphics. Since my free trial of PSP runs out tomorrow I guess I’ll postpone what I want to do until I finish my computer in February (yep, I already have plans to spend my tax refund!). Anyway, time to ring in the New Year with a new addition to my myOtaku, an addition I blatantly copied from countless TV shows and comedy routines, the FAKE NEWS! 1. The Santa Barbra Police Department has created a new public relations department to help change the publics’ conception of SB police officers from negative to positive. The PR firm’s first image enhancing campaign will launch with the release of video and audio tapes depicting officers beating the shit out of Michael Jackson. 2. Members of Michael Jackson’s family rallied around the singer to show support and condemn the police officers’ brutality. Jackson’s sister, Latoya, had this to say about the incident: “I, I mean Michael, haven’t…uhm, hasn’t been beaten that badly since I was five and I spun left instead right on an American bandstand performance. Boy was my dad pissed that night, I don’t think I, I mean Michael, has ever been beaten that badly…” 3. A One hundred and fifty-five million dollar lottery ticket was sold in Ohio the other day. Although yours truly does not play the lottery, I did notice a man running down the street screaming “I won! I won!” over and over again and waiving a small scrap of paper above his head. After bludgeoning him to death with a tire iron I realized that he had only won ten dollars on a scratch and win ticket. Boy was I ever embarrassed. 4. Furious over US plans to fingerprint and photograph foreign travelers as they pass through immigration at national air and sea ports, a Brazilian judge plans to do the same to Americans that travel to Brazil. When asked how they felt about this new policy, the six Americans that actually plan on traveling to Brazil seemed a bit confused that Brazil actually owned a camera. Brazilian Federal Judge Julier Sebastiao da Silva had this to say about the US’s new policy: "I consider the act absolutely brutal, threatening human rights, violating human dignity, xenophobic and worthy of the worst horrors committed by the Nazis". Da Silva used this same logic to not only copy the new US immigration policy but to also re-institute an old Nazi policy, the swift extermination of all Brazilian Jews. 5. In the past week two dead bodies have been found in wheel wells of planes at John F. Kennedy airport in New York. The FAA is astonished because wheel wells typically have twice the room that coach seats offer. 6. In an entirely unrelated incident, a woman recently attempted to choke a US Air Marshal during her flight. Apparently the woman was acting disruptive during the flight and may have been under the influence of alcohol during the flight. Although it is unknown why the woman attacked the marshal, it is this fake reporter’s guess that he was the one that presented the woman with her airline bar tab. Six dollars for a miniature can of beer! That’s just ridiculous! 7. France announced that they will be the first country to agree with Washington’s request to deploy air marshals on all international flights over US airspace. The French air marshals will be armed with a stun gun, a sharp condescending, tongue, and a foul odor guaranteed to send terrorists searching for alternative nefarious plans. 8. Tonight is New Year’s Eve and despite the heightened state of alert that the country is under, hundreds of thousands of people will flock to Times Square tonight, proving once and for all that America doesn’t take its government precautions seriously…although should the government expect us to take it seriously? C’mon, for the past fifty years Mickey Mouse has received over two percent of America’s popular vote in every presidential race, obviously government expectations for the ordinary man is quite low, hence the color coded warning system. Happy New Years!

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