Wednesday, December 29, 2004

I guess I jumped the gun when I stated that I received my last Christmas present from Arcadia because when I arrived home I got an awesome package of Egyptian sweets from Aleia, which kicks mucho ass. Unexpected gifts are the best kind of gifts. I was glancing at Aleia’s gift when I noticed that the sweets were manufactured by Cadbury. This once again reaffirmed my thinking that business transcends religious, ethnic, or racial bigotry. I think, in this one aspect, man could learn quite a bit from its institution.

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Tuesday, December 28, 2004

I am thrilled to be back at work after a few days of vacation. My parents’ house was horrible. I was forced to eat incredibly delicious food, I was encouraged to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, I was allowed to sleep for as long as I desired as often as I desired, and, while it was cold, it wasn’t nearly as cold as Ohio. It was terrible I tell you! Terrible! There was one bright spot to coming home; I got to open all of the nifty video games I received! The only game I have had a chance to play is SMT: Nocturne (I would have typed out Shin Megami Tensei, but I doubt I am spelling it correctly). So far the game seems really addictive, though I haven’t played it for more than a few hours. Oh! There was one other bright spot when I came home. With Christmas over I was a tad melancholy about having no more presents to open. However, when I arrived home last night I found a large brown envelope stuffed in my mail box. Thank you for the kick ass scarf Arcadia! It was my last Christmas present this year and I shall wear it every chance I get!

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Tuesday, December 21, 2004

I am leaving for North Carolina tomorrow and I doubt I will update at all while I am at my parents (I refuse to use their snail like dial up net service). Anyway, I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and gets lots of cool presents. And if you don’t celebrate Christmas have a good weekend and try not to envy all of the cool presents that I am going to receive. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

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Monday, December 20, 2004

Some random thoughts… 1. I have often thought about dressing up as Santa and sneaking into houses of families that don’t celebrate Christmas. Late at night I would creep into their bedrooms with a bag full of insanely cool present and wake up all of the children with a loud “Merry Christmas”. After the children opened all of their presents I would say “now its time for the daily Christmas Christianity quiz.” When the children finished explaining to me that they were not Christian I would look at them with sad eyes, gather all of their presents, put them back in my bag and say “oh, tough luck.” 2. For Christmas, I asked Santa if he could return my self respect. 3. It is no surprise Rudolph has a red nose, after all his mother was Valerie, the fire crotched reindeer. 4. Gals, if you are going to give your boyfriend a b.j. this holiday season remember it is all about technique. Retract the teeth and remember the old credo “any job worth doing is worth doing well” 5. Yes, I did reach a new low with number four, but lets face it, you knew I was bound digress to that point eventually. 6. When Asians make fun of westerners do they stretch out the tops and bottoms of their eyes to make them look extremely wide?

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Sunday, December 19, 2004

I was wandering around the internet, looking for presents, when I remembered how kick ass some of the t-shirts at threadless.com are. Lo and behold all of their t-shirts are only ten dollars until Christmas. So I bought five of them for presents. Presents to myself. You should do the same. Merry Christmas me.

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Friday, December 17, 2004

A couple years ago I was chatting with the illustrious Jenna when “Pride” by U2 began playing on the radio. I caught myself singing along (probably pretty poorly, my range isn’t up to par with Bono’s) so I comment to her about U2. It was something to the effect of… “Y’know I never really think about U2 when I am talking about bands that I like, but I do like quite a few of their songs. I guess they are one of those bands that not everyone realizes they like but everyone likes at least one or two of their songs.” Obviously she blew my theory by stating that she couldn’t think of one U2 song that she liked (although I think she was just being contrary for the hell of it). So there are some people that don’t like anything done by U2, cool. The point is I enjoy quite a few of their songs. This morning I caught the beginning of a U2 special on MTV. U2 was riding through Manhattan playing some songs on the back of a flat bed trailer. The whole promotion was going to culminate with free live concert beneath the Brooklyn bridge (although I was unable to view the whole show, I had to run off to work). My thoughts on the special were “How cool is that?” Shoot, they even pulled a guy off of the streets to play the drums with them. Today, when everything seems to be about making the almighty dollar, it is nice to see a band doing something for their fans. While it is awesome that U2 is so concerned and involved with their fans, the important thing is that they are still making good music.

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Wednesday, December 15, 2004

A SPANKTACULAR UPDATE I was going to write about my heist but it will have to wait. Work is kind of willy-nilly right now and I doubt I will have time to write anything terribly coherent (not that my normal posts are very coherent). So, instead, I will leave you guys with a question. If you were given free roundtrip airline tickets to travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?

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Tuesday, December 14, 2004

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY: 1. His Majesty 2. Sire 3. “That motherfucker thinks he is sooo much better than us” THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD: 1. super_charlie 2. shadowedcloudx 3. heavenscloudaim THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: 1. My good looks 2. My enormous ego 3. My gigantic…”ahem” THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: 1. I tend to procrastinate 2. I am very lazy 3. None of my short comings tend to bother me, I find myself oh so close to perfection THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE: 1. German 2. Scotch (not as in “from Scotland”, rather as in “conceived by drunk parents”) 3. Asshole THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU: 1. Midgets in clown masks 2. Midgets in the pornography industry 3. Midgets in general THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS: 1. Staring in a mirror chanting “you are beautiful” over and over again 2. Making sweet love to a beautiful woman…or masturbating 3. Showering…I have to wash away my filth THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW: 1. Dark gray pinstripe pants 2. White turtle neck sweater 3. He-Man underoos THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists at the moment): 1. Muse 2. Aerosmith 3. Ashlee Simpson’s digital voice over machine THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT: 1. Motherfucker by Primitive Radio Gods 2. White Christmas performed by Bing Crosby 3. We Wish You a Merry Christmas performed by a group of barking dogs THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS: 1. Being in a heist 2. Battling a monkey brandishing a kendo stick 3. I would say the cliché “two chicks at once” but I have a hard enough time dealing with one woman THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given): 1. Good Sex 2. Someone cool 3. It would be nice if they were rich…hey I can dream can’t I? TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE if you can guess the lie, you are amazing: 1. Myself and two friends ran through a Wal*Mart one evening after swim practice wearing nothing but our speedos and cheap carnival masks 2. I got arrested for underage drinking twice within a twenty four hour period, however, in my defense, I was never really drunk. 3. My friend in college power bombed me of the top of a bunk bed so that my back landed on across a wooden futon and, despite a large bruise on my back, I was perfectly fine. THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU: 1. Good Hair…I don’t know, but a haircut just seems to be an extension of a girls personality 2. A pretty face, although subjective, is oh so important 3. I tend to find myself more attracted to dark haired dark complexioned women more often than any other combination I guess…although I am really not that picky. THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO: 1. I am a horrible liar 2. Do my dishes on a regular basis 3. Talk on the phone for more than five minutes… THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES: 1. Midget tossing 2. Pretending I am good at playing the guitar 3. Reading THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW: 1. Have sex with a gorgeous woman 2. Eat a really good steak 3. Win the lottery, a really big lottery, like 200 million dollars THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING: 1. Mooching off a rich wife 2. Some form of advertising 3. Bank Robber THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION : 1. Kenya 2. Amsterdam 3. The Greek Islands THREE KID'S NAMES: 1. Alexander Charles Schafer V 2. Juliet (Jules) Marion Schafer 3. Samantha Eleanor Schafer ( I never really thought about children’s names other that the first…that is a prerequisite if I have a son) THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: 1. Go Sky diving 2. Travel to as many places as possible 3. Be involved in some type of heist THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR DIE PAINFULLY: I think just about everyone has taken this quiz already so my dream list is… 1. Michelle Branch 2. David Bowie 3. Neil Gaiman

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Monday, December 13, 2004

The Christmas party was actually pretty fun. Not because the conversations and the company was exceptional, but because it was catered so well. There was a nice beer and wine bar that also served an awesome frozen Champaign punch (and, of course, soda and water). The caterers started off the evening with kick ass crab cakes, some cold shrimp (not a big shrimp fan, so I avoided those) and some great miniature mushroom bruscettas. There were also various vegetable and chip trays scattered throughout the house (or mini-mansion, the place was gi-normous). For the main course the caterers had prime rib, turkey breast, and one of my favorite dished, grilled lamb chops. They followed it with trays of cookies and cakes and brownies that were deliciously festive. Anyway, here is a funny list I received that I found quite funny. Fifteen Things To Do In Wallmart 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go ! off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in Housewares......and see what happens. 5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible." 12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13.Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!" 15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There is no toilet paper in here!"

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Sunday, December 12, 2004

I have to attend a Christmas party for work tonight. Well, I don’t have to attend, but if I didn’t I would become “that guy at work who thinks he is better than everyone else”. Although I guess I already am that guy, my coworkers just don’t realize I feel that way. It is not that I don’t like my coworkers, I do. They are all really cool, and usually very nice to me (at least to my face, as in any office there is a lot of back door gossip about everyone). They are just so old. And by “so old” I mean “significantly older than I am". I really have very little in common with people in their mid forties and early fifties besides work, and I hate talking about work out side of work. I spend too much time there as it is. Hopefully there will at least be some good food and some decent beer. If that is the case I can put on a jolly face for an hour or two and then take off.

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