Returning to work after nearly two weeks of vacation really, really, really sucks.
However, I couldn’t have asked for a better, more eventful vacation. I had such a blast that I thought I would write about it here (and simultaneously bore all of you to tears).
After a blessedly uneventful, quick flight I arrived to a hot, humid Carolina summer day. Since I am often sequestered in an automobile or at an office desk, and since the weather in North East Ohio is atrocious (and that is a generous statement) my body took several minutes to soak in the pleasant rays of sunshine.
I arrived home, gave a quick hello to my parents, grandparents, and various other family members, then I commandeered an automobile and drove two hours to nearby Raleigh. The ride was traffic laden but Absolution, Rocket, and Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots all helped to ease my angst.
One of my good friends resides in Raleigh, and we had planned for some ritual male bonding. In other words, we fired up his enormous chrome gas grill, chilled a couple cases of beer and several bottles of booze, and “had us” a good, old fashioned cook out.
Although I have stated that I am a poor cook on several occasions, I was really just lying. If there is a large group and a hot grill I can cook very well, and my friend (who some of you may remember as RUGBYGOD on OB) is equally adept. We prepared a feast. We grilled about ten pounds or so of salmon with a pepper crusted rub, mashed quite a few potatoes, lightly grilled several bunches of asparagus, tossed a huge mixed green salad with pecans, strawberries, and a raspberry vinaigrette dressing, and (of course) mixed a huge bowl full of my special summer punch (Corona, vodka, lime, and sprite…guaranteed to send you to the hospital).
Friends and cronies dropped by and we ate, drank and made general merriment until about 10:30pm. That is when we decided to go bar hopping. I decided I would go light on the booze, partly because I had to wake up early and drive to my parent’s house, but mostly because I had spent well over two hundred dollars on dinner food and booze earlier that day. My decision was very fickle. Friends and random people kept buying me drinks, so I continued to drink.
Around midnight or so my buddy and I accidentally separated from the rest of our group. I fell into a conversation with a guy that claimed to be from Scotland. As inebriated as I was, I was not easily fooled. Instantly the drunkard displayed three signs suggesting that he was not from Scotland. First, he would not join me in the Scottish tradition of drinking grotesquely dark ale or tart whiskey. Second, his accent was over the top and several times he used the expression “y’all”. Finally, he said that he hailed from Dublin, Scotland. “But HC, Dublin is in Ireland not Scotland!” Exactly.
Obviously I countered his false statements by claiming that I was from Dublin, Ireland. My accent was only slightly better than his but within fifteen minutes I not only made him admit that he wasn’t Scottish, but I had him introducing me to his cohorts as a real “Irishman”.
Two o’clock, last call for alcohol in the great state of North Carolina. My friend and I took a cab back to his abode. The cab driver, however, attempted to swindle us so we bailed half way and refused to pay him any of the fare. He was pissed and swore at us in some foreign language. We were pissed and swore back in English. It was a memorable ride.
Instead of walking the remaining two miles home we decided it was a good time to brush up on our grappling skills. We wrestled for two hours until we were bloodied and broken then hobbled the remaining distance home. It was a blast.
I woke early the following morning miraculously hang over free. I guess I sweated out all of the poison during my friendly wrestling match the night before. My body, however, felt like it was crushed by a school bus, a definite by-product of my friendly wrestling match.
My car ride back to my folk’s house was uneventful and I passed the time by listening to old Richard Pryor stand up. I arrived, showered, and was ready to go by the time my sister’s graduation began.
It was a beautiful ceremony. Except for the fact that the microphones were not working and no one besides the students were able to hear the entire ceremony. Oh, and during the video montage the image was not flush with the screen so every seniors head was cut off. Otherwise it was magnificent…did I mention that a student tripped going up the stage to receive their diploma? It was hilarious, unless you were that student, then it was just embarrassing.
So those were the first two days of my vacation. There is quite a bit more, perhaps I will write more about it tomorrow. Perhaps not.
