I just got done speaking to one of my customers on the telephone. At the end of the conversation she asked for my name, and I gave it to her. It didn’t really bother me that she needed me to reiterate my name. Sure, I announced it at the beginning of our conversation, but it was a long and boring phone call, I am sure it just slipped her mind.
Anyway, I politely said, “my name is Charlie.”
My customer, who had an accent straight out of the movie Deliverance, replied “Chahhwwllie? Did yah say yer name is Chahhwwllie?”
This startled me a bit, because she spat my name like she could not believe anyone would ever, ever name their child Charlie.
I managed to mask my disbelief and answered, “yes m’am, my name is Charlie”.
“Could joo spell tha fer me?”
Could I spell Charlie? Could I spell Charlie? My name isn’t Goronovitch, or Estafar, my name is freaking Charlie. It is not a hard name to spell, and even if you get it wrong it isn’t like I’m going to call back and give her a pop quiz on the phonetics of my fucking name.
Since I am at work and she is a customer I was obligated to fulfill her request. The following dialogue ensued.
“C-H-A-R-L-I-E”
“C-H-A-I-L-E?”
“No, Charlie. “C-H-A-R-L-I-E”
“C-H-A-R-I-L-E?”
“No you stupid, inbred bitch!! My name is Charlie. Die! Die and burn in eternal hellfire for all eternity you stupid cunt! There is no way God would ever let you into Heaven because your sheer idiocy would make it unbearable for the other occupants!” Okay, I didn’t really say that I just took an editorial liberty, but I assure you, it was what I was thinking. I really just spelled my name again. “C-H-A-R-L-I-E”.
“Ohhh, Charlie! I had an uncle named Carlos once.”
That was honestly the last thing she said before she hung up the phone. “I had an uncle named Carlos once.” Well I had a dog named Willie, but that has absolutely nothing to do with our fucking conversation. Was she trying to impress me with her vast knowledge of the Spanish dialect by pointing out that Charlie’s equivalent is Carlos? That would be a difficult feat considering it just took me five minutes to teach her how to spell “Charlie”. And then she just hung up the phone without even the simplest apology, or thank, acknowledging my help and the free spelling lesson. It was at that moment I realized I do not possess the patience to teach spelling in West Virginia (note: if you live outside of the US, or beneath a rock in the US, you may not know that West Virginia is home to over ten million people that are all at least first cousins with one another).
Anyway, enough pointless ranting, I feel very unproductive today. I think I will spend the next hour or so messing around with my layout.
