Last night I was in the mood for grease. Since I knew I was going to restart my diet today, I decided to treat myself to some MacDoh’s (McDonalds for those of you who don’t understand my lingo). When I pulled up to the illuminated menu I noticed something entirely kick-ass, the Super Size menu was back.
McDonalds had recently gotten rid of the Super Size menu because of the negative press it received due to the documentary Super Size Me. I guess McDonalds was concerned that too many fat-ass people were going to blame their fat asses on the franchise and file lawsuits. Fortunately for MacDoh Inc, the fat people’s fingers were so fat that they couldn’t properly push down the buttons on their phone to complain about how McDonalds made them fat.
So, over the past month or so, fat people traveled en mass to their local McDonalds to complain. However, their arguments were halted by the tantalizing aromas of fired burgers, fried chicken nuggets, and fried fries. The fat people were so overwhelmed that they couldn’t resist ordering food…lots of food. And, of course, they all wanted their extra value meals super sized!
When they were unable to receive their trough of fries and gallon of cola along with their double quarter pounder with cheese hamburgers they remembered that they originally drove to McDonalds to complain about something. However, with their excess fat pushing against the walls of their brains, the fat fucks couldn’t remember exactly what they intended to complain about. So they decided to get upset and complain about the absence of the super size option from McDonalds menus. Obviously McDonalds was overjoyed, after all, the more food that these fatties consumed, the more money MacDoh’s makes, and the closer they come to world domination.
Anyway, I decided to super size my meal, because I like MacDoh’s fries and I really wanted a huge sugary soda (super sized sodas are GIGANTIC). However, when I got to the window I made a point of telling the woman working the drive through that I didn’t appreciate that McDonalds was once again contributing to the obesity of America. She gave me the finger, spat in my cheeseburger, and asked me to “come again.”
