An overabundance of testosterone and a vast under-abundance of sleep has pushed me into an even further state of absurdity (obviously, we all know that I usually live slightly to the left of reality). Anyway, I thought my current state of delirium provided me with a great opportunity to post a few random thoughts.
1. Charlie’s guide to raising your child right, tip #43…Honesty
Buy your children goldfish; they are a great, constructive tool that can really help teach children valuable moral lessons. For example, the other day Johnnie’s mother caught him telling a lie. That night, while Johnnie was asleep, his mother crept into his room and killed one of Johnnie’s goldfish.
The next morning Johnnie ran into his mother’s room with tear filled eyes.
“Mommy, Mommy,” cried the distraught little boy, “something is wrong with my fish!”
The mother hugged her son close and led him into his bedroom to look at the fish. “Poor little Johnnie,” said the mother sincerely, “it looks like God killed your fish because you told a lie.”
Johnnie cried and cried for several days, however, from that moment on he always thought twice about telling a lie.
The moral of this story is “don’t beat your child, psychological abuse is much more permanent and scarring”.
2. How to win any argument or How to be a Master Debater (that one never gets old)
The key to winning any argument is presenting your argument in a logical, coherent manner. First, make sure that you know facts surrounding the issue you are arguing. The great thing about arguments is that you can choose which ones to become involved in. Second, make sure you can present your arguments in a logical, thought provoking manner. While your opponent may know more about the issue, if you present a better argument than he or she does, you can often come out on top. Finally, if all else fails, make sure you carry a handgun. Most people are quick to concede a debate to the crazy guy firing a glock in the air.
3. This Just In….
Brittney Spears is talking about starting a family with worthless, white trash husband Kevin Federline. It is too bad that their parents didn’t Bob Barker’s advice and have the two neutered and spayed.
4. A great pickup line…
What fucks like a tiger and winks?
;)
(obviously the joke teller is supposed to be the winker)
