I got a call from a private dick a few weeks back. At least he wanted me to think he was an investigator, I knew otherwise. I knew that he worked for a less than reputable company and he was attempting to scam a credit payment from me.
A few months back I received a message on my phone from a “private investigator” representing “such and such” law firm. In his message he stated that it was both urgent and detrimental that I returned his call. At first I was a bit freaked and I was ready to immediately call him back. Fortunately, because I received the call on a Friday evening, I had time to cool down and think rationally about the situation. I haven’t done anything bad…or at least anything bad enough to warrant a call from an investigator.
Thankfully I have caller ID, the “investigators” name, the name of the law office he represents, and the internet. You can find out a lot about a less than reputable company on the internet…after all, that is where everyone goes to bitch about them.
Several years ago I disputed a charge on one of my credit cards for $1000 some dollars. I disputed the charge because I didn’t make it. I could prove that I didn’t make it because I wasn’t in Nevada that day; I was in Wilmington, North Carolina in a class room. My credit card company waved the charge and sold the dispute to “such and such” law agency.
The internet is a wonderful thing. I found a site that more or less dealt with what I was going through, so I was pretty well prepared. Here is an approximate record of our conversation (yes, I did sarcastically swear at the guy, it was fun).
Me: Yeah, I got a call from you the other day. Apparently it is urgently detrimental that I return your call.
Private Dick: Yes Mr. Schafer, we are calling on behalf of your credit card company, MBNA, to collect on a disputed claim for $1000 you ma…
Me: Why are you lying…there isn’t a need to be a fucker and lie to…
Captain Dickinson: I don’t appreciate you calling me a liar sir…
Me: I am calling you a liar because you are lying, liar. You aren’t representing my credit card company; you are representing a very disreputable douche bag law firm that bought a dispute for pennies on the dollar.
Sherlock Cock: Perhaps I worded my claim wrong, I represent….
Me: I know who you represent, and I know what you are calling about, and until you can prove that my dispute was not valid by mailing me a written validation of said dispute that proves that you researched my claim and have irrefutable proof that I made the purchase then I am going continue referring to you as lord cock master.
Lord Cockmaster: You are a real asshole…click.
Yes folks, I am a real asshole, but I do amuse myself.
