1. Jude Law was proclaimed the sexiest man alive by People Magazine. Obviously someone is paying off people magazine. We all know that, with the exception of Orlando Bloom (whom I personally believe is made of wax), I am by far the sexiest man alive.
2. Brittney Spears and Kevin Federlines’ marriage is finally official, hoorah! Now that the marriage is official and the prenuptials have been filed we can sit back and wait for the divorce proceedings to roll on in.
3. R & B group TLC is searching for a replacement for the “L” of their group, Lisa “Left-Eye” Lopes. The two remaining stars decided that the best way to find a talented replacement that will mesh well with their personalities is to host a reality show contest. Regardless of who the winner is, we are guaranteed not to give a rat’s ass.
4. Cameron Diaz and her significantly younger beau Justin Timberlake have been making tabloid headlines after threatening an innocent paparazzi (oh the irony). Apparently after Cameron went all psycho-bitch on the first paparazzi, Timberlake told a second “photographer” to stand aside or “I’ll kick your ass”. The second paparazzi attempted to file a law suit but the cops just ridiculed him for being a pussy. Who the hell is afraid of Justin Timblake? What the hell is he going to do, challenge you to a dance off?
5. The Olson twins bid $58,000 on a vacation to Napa Valley, hoping to give the trip as a surprise gift to their father. The surprise was ruined, however, when the auctioneer was forced to call the terrible twosomes father to make the purchase. Apparently the trip included ten bottles of wine, and since the girls are underage they couldn’t purchase the vacation. Don’t worry guys, next time you need some alcohol I’ll slip you some PBR on the down low.
