Some random thoughts…
1. I have often thought about dressing up as Santa and sneaking into houses of families that don’t celebrate Christmas. Late at night I would creep into their bedrooms with a bag full of insanely cool present and wake up all of the children with a loud “Merry Christmas”. After the children opened all of their presents I would say “now its time for the daily Christmas Christianity quiz.” When the children finished explaining to me that they were not Christian I would look at them with sad eyes, gather all of their presents, put them back in my bag and say “oh, tough luck.”
2. For Christmas, I asked Santa if he could return my self respect.
3. It is no surprise Rudolph has a red nose, after all his mother was Valerie, the fire crotched reindeer.
4. Gals, if you are going to give your boyfriend a b.j. this holiday season remember it is all about technique. Retract the teeth and remember the old credo “any job worth doing is worth doing well”
5. Yes, I did reach a new low with number four, but lets face it, you knew I was bound digress to that point eventually.
6. When Asians make fun of westerners do they stretch out the tops and bottoms of their eyes to make them look extremely wide?
