Tuesday, August 26, 2003

College Lament

Before I start writing, I want to make it clear that I have wonderful, loving parents, and that most of the following ranting is just for the purpose of getting some thoughts off my chest… My sister is deciding on what college she wants to attend next year. It has been a difficult process for her. She is a terrific basketball player and has been heavily recruited by several schools. She is also an outstanding student with a tremendous work ethic. I think for a while she was struggling to find a balance between academics and athletics; however, she has finally narrowed down her choices between VCU and Dartmouth. I am incredibly happy that my sister settled on two very fine schools, but I also cannot help to feel a bit envious. It is not the prestige of the institutions that tweaked my jealousy (actually, I had the opportunity to decide between several equally prestigious Universities), but the attention and concern that my parents expressed to my sister’s college ambitions. When I was a senior in High School I had no idea where I wanted to go to college. Every day for the past year my mail box was littered with college applications, scholarship letters, and university pamphlets. My parents didn’t seem too concerned about my college future. I was always a very independent child, so I guess they figured that I would make up my own mind. Despite getting offers to attend various schools throughout the country I only applied to two: UNC Chapel Hill, and UNC Wilmington. I opted to go to Wilmington because it was on the coast, and I enjoyed the beach. That was my rational for choosing what college I would attend, to decide on what institution would help to further my education; I made my decision solely because I enjoyed the beach. My parents smiled and enthusiastically talked about UNC Wilmington and how nice it seemed in the pamphlets. They had to have been faking their enthusiasm; I hope they were faking their enthusiasm. One of my biggest regrets is attending UNC Wilmington. I don’t think that I learned a terrible amount in school, and my only real accomplishments seemed to be developing a high tolerance for grain alcohol and managing to learn how to stand up on a surf board. When my mother brings up the college, I often feel like I am being belittled or chastised. She knows that I didn’t have the greatest of college experiences, and she often comments on how I should have attended university elsewhere. Her intended compliments in the form of “you could have gone to such and such”, always seem back-handed. I often want to ask them why: why they weren’t more concerned, why they didn’t take a more active roll in my life, why didn’t they realize that this was a huge transition in my life, one that I shouldn’t have to go through alone. I know I sound bitter and selfish, but that is because I am slightly bitter and selfish. Despite the fact that I am still hurt by my parent’s lack of attentiveness I am glad that they seem to have learned from it. It shows that they realize that they could have done better and they are trying to atone for it. My sister deserves to have the opportunities that I didn’t. She is unaware of my jealous, envious feelings because my pride and happiness for her. I truly hope that her college experience is the opposite of mine… Sorry for the bitchy post, next time I’ll try and post something a bit more lighthearted…

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