Here is a weekend questionnaire stolen from Sarah’s website and modified a bit so that I am not talking about my hetero life mate.
His name: Anything that doesn’t sound like a stripper name. I don’t think I could ever take a “Candy” seriously.
Hair Color: Nothing says “class” like a really bad dye job, especially that bleach blond that looks more tangerine than gold…that is sooo attractive.
Hair Style (long, short, bowl cut, cornrows, etc): Girls with cornrows are sexy. Actually they aren’t…at all. As long as their hair suits their face I’m cool.
Eye color: I really don’t care, I just hate when girls have really big, watery eyes. They make me think of my fiend’s pug that always would get disgusting goop in its eyes.
Age: I like high school girls, cause “I keep getting older and they stay the same age”. Nah, I have a four year rule either way.
Height: As long as they are shorter than I am yet not a midget we are cool. I don’t want to be that guy with the freakishly tall girlfriend that looms over him in a crowd.
Breast Size: A little bit is nice, but I am not a big fan of large saggy breasts…they remind me of cat toys.
Body build: I like athletic girls. It doesn’t matter if they have a little extra weight, just an overall healthy look is nice.
Ethnicity: If I’ll eat your countries native food then you are datable.
Glasses? Only if they are sexy glasses
Piercings? Only if they are sexy piercings.
Chest hair? Only if it is sexy…wait a minute, chest hair on a girl would never be sexy! That would be really, really gross.
Big ol booty? or no? “As long as I can hit it I don't really care”--Arcadia
Label: “Sugar Mamma”
Her Mind: As long as she is A) not dumb and B) knows that she doesn’t know everything about everything we are cool.
In school? Or finished, or independently wealthy.
What does she want be/do when she grows up? An astronaut?
Can she speak another language, if yes what? She can at least swear like a sailor, but only does so in appropriate situations or when it is funny
Can she read music? It isn’t vital.
Can she read guitar tabs? If you can’t at least learn to read guitar tabs you are fucking idiot.
Can she play guitar? It would be cool if she could, although I do hate when girls say they can play the guitar and it turns out that they meant they could play “Free Falling” by Tom Petty.
Piano? That would be pretty awesome. We could start a band.
The drums? See above.
Some other instrument? Sure, music is awesome.
Can she write music? It would be cool if she could write good music. It would suck if she wrote crappy, trite songs and made me listen to them and took it very seriously.
Will she write songs about you? Only about my prowess in bed
Will she write poems about you? Only about my prowess in bed
Will she be artistic in some way? Sure, as long as it extends to her prowess in bed
Will she "blind you with science?": Well sure, in the metaphorical sense, although the literal sense is more likely to occur. Many a woman has given me a good dousing of mace.
Party hopper or stay at home? It'd be cool to date a woman that gets dressed really sexy to go out but, because she looks so incredible and irresistible, we always end up missing the parties because we are having incredible sex.
Straight A student or Drop out?: The smarter the better.
Does she have a best friend? Probably.
Is it you? I hope not, I don’t want to be her crutch.
Is she straight or bi? I don’t like bisexuals, they need to pick a team and stick with it.
Religious? what type? I don’t really care as long as they don’t try to push their beliefs onto me.
Virgin? till marriage or till "the right time"? Virgin..heh, that’s a laugh.
Should she be able to bake or cook? It would be nice. She should at least be able to follow a recipe. I mean, if you can’t follow a recipe what good are you?
Is it okay for her to have a lot of guy pals? I don’t care, as long as they aren’t trying to cock-block me we’ll be kosher.
Out-going or shy?: A little of both. I like aggressive girls, as long as they have a moderate amount of tact and manners.
Should she watch chick-flicks?: I guess, that is the nature of the “chic”-flick.
Would he be a smoker?: No.
Drinking?: Yeah, but her crazy stage would be over by now.
Cursing? I already wrote about this.
Does she play football(US)? Yeah, she can play with the guys but doesn’t take it too seriously.
Soccer? Soccer players are usually pretty hot, so why not?
Baseball? No, baseball is a pretty boring sport.
Basketball? It would be nice, considering my whole family plays basketball.
Rugby? That would be odd.
Golf? That’s fine, but I won’t be joining her on the course.
Does she drag race? No, NASCAR stands for Non Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks and I think that bleeds over into all forms of racing.
Does she have a "pimped up" ride? It would be nice, but I really don’t care about that. As long as she has a car (just because I live in a suburban area) we’ll be cool.
Can she surf? That would be cool, I would have a reason to get better at it, considering I am a shitty wannabe surfer.
Skateboard? Don’t really care.
Snowboard? As long as she has the patience to teach me, yeah, that would be cool.
Would she have an accent? As long as it isn’t a northern or New York accent that would be fine.
Anything else? She should have a great sense of humor and an unusual fondness for sarcastic, egotistical yet self depreciating people.
Does she kiss on the first date?: I don’t care.
Where does she take you? She is taking me out? Wow, that is a first. Somewhere that has good live music I guess.
Does she pay? It is nice every now and again, but the first time out I pay, although she would mention going dutch when I grab the check.
Would she lay under the stars with you and spout random philosophies? As long as she doesn’t say “what are you thinking” we are cool.
Would she use endearments? As long as they are original, but not very often.
Would you hold hands? I more of an “arm in arm” fan, but every now and again hand holding is alright.
Would you ever stay the night at her place? As long as it is her place and not her parent’s place
Would she give you flowers/candy or a big expensive gift? I like random gifts that show some thought. I prefer getting things that are small though.
Would she walk you to your door at the end o the night? I guess it would be the reverse of this scenario, huh? Once a girl said that I didn’t have to walk her to the door, and I took it as such a slap in the face that I never called her again. Later one of her friends admonished me for not calling her because apparently she liked me a lot.
Lastly, after you meet, get hitched, etc. What do u name your kids? She has to be cool with the fact that the first son will be named Alexander C. Schafer V. After that I would let her choose the names, it is only fair.
