"Do we operate under a system of equal justice under law?
Or is there one system for the average citizen
and another for the high and mighty?"—Ted Kennedy
Teddy, my boy, you are living proof that America has two systems of Justice. The first system is for poor average Joes like yours truly. The other, much more exclusive, system is reserved for the mega rich and famous. This elite system has allowed the Kennedy family to do pretty much whatever they wished, yet only Ted Kennedy seems to have taken full advantage of his family’s clout.
My biggest problem with Ted Kennedy isn’t that he is a fuck-up. I mean, I am a fuck-up and quite a few of my friends are fuck-ups, so I am not going to be hypocritical. My problem with Teddy-oh is that despite all of his faults, he is re-elected into office year after year.
So I thought the best way to talk some smack about Ted Kennedy would be to point out all the stupid and horrible things he has done over the years.
During his sophomore year at Harvard, Teddy was expelled for cheating on a Spanish exam. Ted allegedly paid a friend to take the test for him, hoping the teacher wouldn’t notice. Obviously the professor wasn’t stupid, a rarity among Harvard faculty.
After his expulsion from Harvard, Teddy enlisted in the army…without reading his enlistment papers. Fortunately his Father was able to shorten his son’s four year service commitment to a two year commitment.
During his time in law school Ted was fined for reckless driving three times. In one instance he attempted to elude a police officer by flipping off his lights and parking at a nearby house. Then, as the officer approached the car, Ted tried to hide on the floor board of the car. Obviously he was spotted. Despite his multiple citations, Teddy-oh never lost his license.
In July 1969, Kennedy killed a woman. Oh, it’s true, it is damn true. After a long night of drinking and partying, Teddy (married) and Mary Jo Kopechne (single) drove off together in Kennedy’s car. The two birds were so love struck (or drunk) that Teddy managed to drive them off of a bridge. Ted managed to escape the accident but failed to report it to the police until the following morning. Mary Jo Kopechne was thought to have remained alive for over two hours, trapped in the sunken car. If Ted had reported the accident immediately there is a good chance the woman’s life could have been saved.
I could continue discussing Kennedy’s problems with alcohol, allegations of affairs with a minor, and disturbingly contradictory voting record, but nothing will top the fact that he knowingly let a person die!
In all honesty, I am not nearly as disgusted with Ted Kennedy as I am with the state of Massachusetts. They have elected him into the Senate six times. Six Times! If I was to do the things he did I would be lucky to get hired at a McDonalds! Obviously the occupants of Massachusetts have been tripping on acid for the last 36 years. No wonder other countries find America’s political system to be a joke. I mean, even I find it hysterical that ass-clowns like Teddy Kennedy can get elected.
