Friday, February 2, 2007

New Camera--New Pens--New Life
My mom has just bought me a new digital camera. I'm happy (I think)that she did--but sad at the same time. I shouldn't have left my camera in the office in the first place if it were stolen--for she thinks that it was since it's very unusual for it to go missing when I always leave it out in the open to find easily. And I practiclly tore down my room looking for it, and my mom did a full office clean down.

Sometimes I think I'm loved to much in my family--not by people in general, cause I think I scare/intimidate people just by how I look. I'm told that I always look so mean and angry--but really that's my normal look--it get's more intense when I'm thinking. .. which is what I do alot.

But anyways--I think I'm loved to much by my family. They're always getting me things--or trying to. My nephew wanted to win me a digital camera from an art contest that was going on at his school. My dad and many others kept asking if I wanted them to buy me a new digital camera--which I declined. But my mom took the initiative of buying one for me anyways when she found one on sale at Fred Myers that looked exacly like mine. They're to kind. In a way--I'd say that I'm spoiled--but not spoiled in a sence where I act it--but spoiled in the sence where I'm given/treated as it. . . . did that make sense?

They probably treat me like this cause I've been told by them that I always look so. . . sad to them--and never happy. Funny. Everday people say I look angry and family says I look sad. =P I keep telling everyone I'm fine--I'm just indifferent. I don't get very happy over things to easily and I don't get sad/angry. I'm very. . . very. . . very. . . mellow. I think I have low blood pressure.

But anyways--I've been getting myself new pens lately. I've been having so much funn inking my work lately. Never thought I would enjoy it so much--but I am.

I'm kinda nervous at the thought that I'm going to be graduating from High School this year and being sent to college. I don't feel so ready. People keep asking if I'm excited that I'll be over with High School. .. but I'm not. Which confuses people as to why that is so. I enjoy High School. And I don't much care for the thought of 'freedom' once I get away from home and everything.

The way I think of it/figure it. Is that all though I'm a prisoner to my home and parents when going from Elementary to High School--I'm a prisoner to the world once I get out and start living on my own. I'd rather be a prisoner in my own home than the world--cuase I don't ask for much and am fine with what I get.

. . . Maybe I'm just being selfish/lazy. Because my parents work to keep this house and everything and support me while I'm still in school so. . . I must get out into the world and become it's prisoner like everyone else. To work just to survive everyday. Hopefully. . . I'll get the job I've always dreamed of. . . and it won't be so bad. . . I hope.
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