Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage...
Oh yesh I am back. Not like I was ever really gone. But yeah anyways I have two new poems and I might ramble. And now for poems.

Morbid Curosity
5/10/04

Your Morbid Curoisty
is something you can't hide
Your Morbid Curosity
is something deep inside

Your Morbid Curosity,
it chills you to the bone
Your Morbid Curosity
takes hold when you're all alone

Your Morbid Curosity
is sins of the flesh
You Morbid Curosity
puts you to the test

Your Morbid Curosity
has you under a spell
Your Morbid Curosity
will take us all to Hell

Your Morbid Curosity
treats you as a pet
Your Morbid Curosity
will come and get you yet

I woke up at like 2 in the morning. And I like this one. It has the whimsical flow to it.

DEEP Inside
5/6/04
Dedicated to a certian some one close to me. Who has been there for me though out the past couple of months. Thanks. And you should know who you are, boyo.

All alone and by myself
I look to you
And no one else

Many things have gone awry
But still I tell myself
"I won't cry"

Day in, day out
I show apathy
But inside I scream, I shout

Many people ask for help
How can I
If I can't even save myself

I may act snide
I may be cold
But deep inside it's not so

So can you tell me
What is wrong?
Maybe it's something I can't see

Just slightly autobiographical. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Yeah I have been neglecting this hole for awhile. I might be filling in this hole soon to. I'm thinking about getting something like an LJ. Mainly because, I. Do. Not. Really. Like. V2. It just seems shotily put together. Have you seen the site pages? It might just be my comp but entries get cut off on the sides, things run together. And I just don't really like that. But if I do transplant my box I'll let all my 'faithful readers' know. Do I even have repeat readers? Probably not.

I am going to my Dad's this weekend. Yay! I get to sees the muchkin, Freedom. Yes that is the name on her birth certificate and no it is not a typo. Her name is Freedom Dawn.

I'm going to Kentucky Kingdom tomorrow for a field trip. I'm going to hang out with my best lesbian lover (it's an injoke I might have to explain it sometime) And possible tan my pale sickly yellow sham of a skin. And I tan fast all because of the Native American in me. I become really golden and with my auburn hair. I dont intentionally stay out of the sun. I just end up doing it. I like how I look when I'm tan. I'm just not going to go out of my way to. Damn I need more caffine. And I also need to send my little brother to bed and work on my contest entre for the May Nihilism contest. So I'm outta here.
Ciao
-[Liz]
Comments (0) | Permalink

Friday, May 7, 2004

So how did everyone like my poems? [varied answers from random bystanders] Well really I don't care if you did or not. I wrote them for me and not you so kiss mah godamned ass biatch. And you should be expecting a new one as soon as I post it here. Right now it's sitting on my neon yellow green floopy that is sticking out of my floopy drive. I have to make this short because I have to call my mom to see if I need to pick my little brother or if I can sit here and wait for her to get home so that we can go to my grandparents. Which I really don'y want to do but I have to do anyway. So i'll stop whining about that. I don't like to whine a lot. I might bitch but I dont like to whine.

It was 93 degrees today minus the humidity. It gets horridly muggy here in the Ohio valley. But then again its the only place that you need to pack a parka and a pair of shorts to vacation to in May. Last week it was 40 degrees for the high. Now tell if that isn't sparadic.

I won't be online tonight. Because of said previous engagements. I might get some writing done. Which I really need to do. I'm going to see my schools production of Oliver Twist tomorrow night so I wont be on till about well normal time so bleh. I'm only going to the play because a mass amount of people I know are in it as well as like of three of my good friends.

I need to call my mom so I'll post my poem which is dedicated to a certain boyo, whom gets mentioned in here a lot and no it's not James. His poem is Smolder my Mind.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, May 5, 2004

Poems!
Okay here are some of my most recent poems. I'm going to do them in chronological order starting with my Holocaust poem. I can't remeber the date on this one. And I couldnt think up a title. Which means suggestiona are welcome.

The screams
The pain
The horrors that were commited

Burned and gased
Like little mice
Straved and loathed

Some survived
And some did not
Even more begged for the bittersweet release

Auschwitz with its camp
Amsterdam,
And Mauthausen

Desolation
And Broken Glass
Burnt Offering among many things

In Nineteen-Forty-Five
The leader of the Death Angels
Decided not to stay alive

The screams have faded
The damage done
The ashes have blown away

This one is about James mainly. I wrote it about a week after all that shit went down. It is really part of a triolgy but this is my favorite one. It has a lot of symbolism in it only James, Charles, and I would get. But it's still good.

Smolder my Mind
3/29/04

I was only happy when it rained,
But then you took that away,
And left the scar on my mind.
It'll last till the end of time.

Now tell me baby,...

Are you happy when it rains?
Are you proud of my scar?
Of what you've done to my mind,
And the damage you've done?

Did I leave my mark?
Did it hurt when I branded you?
Did my fire scorch your mind?
Is the smoke in your eyes?

Just pull your hood up and turn away,
It'll all be okay.
Just keep saying that.
Four more years and you are mine.
Cos then I can get you outta my mind.

I'll scratch and claw,
Twist and bend...
I'm locked in my white room,
and the walls are closin' in.

4 more years can't come in time,
Gotta get you outta my mind.
Cause baby all infatuation dies.

This next one I did yesterday. It really didn't start out as a poem. It all started as a doodle of a rose during science class and then became Bloody Roses. Once I finished it it kind of hit how I invision what it would be like if Hiei and Kurama really were a canon couple. And it's from Kurama's POV. It doesn't mention any names and could be just a stand alone orignal poem with no conataions to any anime. Unlike my normal style this rhymes. Which in away gives it a sense of whismsy.

Bloody Roses (an HxK shonen-ai poem)
5/4/04

Where roses die
is where my heart lies
The death they bring
Will make us kings

I'll plant my seed
And watch you bleed
I'll wrap you in my rose's thorns
Treat you like a lover scorned

All wraped up in my barbed wire
Soon I'll be your sire
Just wait and see
You'll soon belong to me

This next one I did today. And is a rewrite of a poem by the same name I did back last year. I just like it for some odd reason. Ditto on the rhyming thing.

Wisper to a SCREAM (revisited)
5/5/04

Wisper to a scream
Silent as a dream
Can't you see
Because of all the things you've done to me

Fuck this shit
I'm not your pet
All the tears I've cried
With them my face is wet

In the end you'll get yours
And I'll get mine
Only time will tell
When I'll follow you to Hell

And now for yet another one I wrote today. It's the longest of my now called "Whimsy Poems" My friend who read all three thought that this one was the best.

Mirror, ,rorriM
5/5/04

Mirror, Mirror on the wall
Who's the most fucked up of us all?
"You are. You who's all by herself
Her heart upon her shelf."

The noise in my head begins to pound
I throw the mirror to the ground
There it lies in shatters
Next to my lifes last tatters

Possibly I'm insane
Maybe only lies remain
But don't mirrors only show the truth?
By now that's probably moot

In my hand rests a shard
Can it really be that hard?
I press the shard to my wrist
Anticipation for that bittersweet kiss

I bathe in a crimson rain
Away flits my pain
Have I really bled
Or is it all in my head?

And one last poem that is out of order but it's sort little thing.

Someday My Rose

My black rose will return to me
Then the world will be right
The blind will see,
and the light will be night
What a wonderous world it will be,
I'll protect it with all my might

I guess that's it. I might do a real update later but I hope this tides you over.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Friday, April 30, 2004

   Two minutes round an oval and two guys. What is it with twos?
Yeah I live in southern IN very close to Louisville (Lou-a-voul not Louie-ville). And Louisville is in KY so think real hard about that. Kentucky, 1st Saturday in May, horses. For those of you that havent picked up on it. The Kentucky Derby is tomorrow. And I don't get it. People spend thousands of dollars to sit on a waiting list for 12 years just to get nosebleed seats for two minutes. Maybe its just me but I find that just a tad bit stupid.I say let's turn em all into glue! Yeah bah humbug. And to top things off I am being dragged (literally) to a Derby party tomorrow. Hopefully my mom will let me bring my backpack. [crosses fingers]

Blah now the reason that I feel like I'm doing belly flops. Males. Two inparticlar. James and Chase. Those two have the topics of tons of my posts ever since March. [faint smile] Both of them have played major roles in the play of my life. And the current act isn't over yet boys and girls. The climax isnt even here yet. Well maybe not. It might be happening right now. [smirk] I am currently sorting thru a mass amount of my mental and emotional problems. And by the end of June I might have a boyfriend. [shock, awe and gasps] Yesh me. The reason I don't have one right now is that I have to sort things out with James before I can let anyone into my life relationship wise. I've been talking to Chase about these such issuses for ohh the past hour. [laughs] So that aside I'd like to put a news article about one of my friends in here.

--Not (c) to me. I no won so you no sue.--

Teen takes sudden illness in stride

[David Hawpe]

A blood vessel tore in Gabe Jones' back. A large clot formed and compressed his spinal cord.

Why?

Gabe does not walk or grip well with his hands. He will sit through his upcoming eighth-grade dance ? and he may miss other future life milestones. Yet I know teenagers who are more pitiful when told to clean their rooms.

Why?

This 14-year-old Jeffersonville boy does not answer that question with any more certainty than his doctor can the first one.

The illness is as unusual as Gabe's response to it is encouraging. He realizes the folly of focusing on whys instead of on why nots. Let the grown-ups worry. He'll work.

"It's going to come back," Gabe said of the mobility that was snatched from him.

Gabe woke up about 2 a.m. on March 8 because his back was sore. His father, Keith Jones, was concerned in part because his boy never was one to complain. He had gone years in school with perfect attendance.

The pain only intensified, however, and by about 4:30 a.m. Gabe was in the emergency room of Clark Memorial Hospital. His head hurt horribly, too, and then feeling flowed out of his legs and torso.

"He told us he was pretty scared," said Tammy Ferguson, Gabe's mother.

Doctors ran tests, and initially thought he had a viral infection. He was transferred to Kosair Children's Hospital in Louisville. The blood clot was discovered. Emergency surgery was necessary.

"There was very much a sense of urgency," Ferguson said.

Bleeding took two hours to stop. Though the clot has been released and the tear has been repaired, Gabe's spine remains traumatized as if he had been in a nasty car wreck or had fallen down steps.

He is in his second month at Frazier Rehab Institute in Louisville, his fourth-floor room absolutely papered in greetings. Patients of Ethel Larosa, Gabe's rehab doctor, usually can trace their ordeals. In Gabe's case, though, "there's no way of knowing," Larosa said. "There's no way of finding out what caused it. It's that rare."

Gabe is a first for Larosa, who has worked in medicine for a decade. A more-senior partner in Larosa's practice has cared for only one similar case. Gabe has grown at least eight inches ? to an even 6 feet ? since last summer. Is that arguably a factor? He suffered from a cold or flu not long before his tragedy. Did it contribute?

Larosa figures only that the wound occurred spontaneously, but Larosa is looking ahead rather than back. Putting Gabe through daily, aggressive therapy, Larosa reports no resistance and painstaking progress.

"The harder you work, the quicker you get out," Gabe said.

He now can contract muscles in his stomach area, and some fingers flex increasingly.

"He's young and he's motivated," Larosa said. "And he's got a super family."

Gabe splits time with his parents, who are divorced. Both homes are being modified to accommodate a wheelchair. In the meantime, both mom and dad try to take emotional cues from their son, admittedly with mixed results. If he can fend off bitterness, though, so must they.

"I've told him before he's my hero," Jones said.

"People ask me how he's doing," Ferguson said. "He's the same old kid. He just has wheels."

Gabe should be released from Frazier within days, but will return for routine outpatient therapy. He has been tutored while hospitalized ? math is his favorite subject ? and he will graduate with his class from River Valley Middle School.

Concerned classmates keep close tabs, as do friends from both churches Gabe attends, First Baptist in Jeffersonville and Northside Christian in New Albany.

"He's on everybody's prayer lists," Jones said.

An Internet devotee, Gabe looks forward to resuming computer games of euchre and billiards with foes near and far.

"I played against somebody from Australia, once," said Gabe, who also plans to decorate his wheelchair with flame decals and maybe a flag.

His prospects physically should be pretty clear in a year, according to Larosa. In the meantime, his story will become old news. The attention some pay him now understandably will fade. This child understands his status, however. Gabe copes with lingering uncertainty like he advances with one of his X Box video games.

"I've got plenty of time," he said.

"They have not said, `No, you will never ....'" Ferguson said.

You can reach Dale Moss at (812) 949-4026 or by e-mail at dmoss@courier-journal.com. You can also read his columns at www.courier-journal.com.
http://www.courierjournal.com/localnews/2004/04/30in/B5-moss0430-6641.html
( the link to the article ^)
----
Gabe was in my 2nd period Science class and my 3rd period math class. He called yesterday during math. Twas spiffy. We've all missed him and I'm really hoping to see him at 8th grade grad. He's coming home Monday but he won't be back in classes this year. Gabe wasn't one of mah close buddies. But he was a friend and about two years ago I had a crush on him.

My AIM has became Grand Central Station and dealing my fucked up issues and helping K with her depresso-ness and dealling with 5 Im windows while trying to keep my stomach from flopping. So I'm gointo end this here.


Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

   OMG liek totally
Now if I have frightened Derek I am happy. Speaking of Derek, I just got off the phone with Chase (Dereks other half/ my shrink) about 15 minutes ago. We talked for about an hour and 15 minutes. To normal teenage females this is a short time to be on the phone. But for me the phone is something to be poked with a stick till it stops screaming. I do not want to mate with it so why does it make that horrible mating call. Yeah I don't use the phone much. In fact I have used the phone more times today than I have all month and normally do in a single month. A total of three times. And the only call that was a happy one or pleasurable one was the last one with Chase. We talked about stuff that I shall not disclose and we would have talked longer except his mom was getting annoyed because she couldn't use the phone. So now I am here to type this. After I have decided it wasn't my comps fault that I could't a copy of my NIN mix for a friend of mine. It was my crappy CD buners fault. >.< So I now must kill it. My destructive tendecies are showing aren't they? Oh well.

I have running water once again. Which is really good. I don't know when I need to start packing but I don't really want to do it anytime soon.

I still need to get a money order so I can order Nihilism stuffies. I would send cash but I have no faith in the U.S. postal service. [sigh] FUCKIN'BASTARDS! Sorry I just suddenly developed trurets syndrome. I'm going to go do stuff. I still need to redo my intro. If you want to IM me I'll be till about 10 pm tonight. I might post again later.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

ANd to think I had a bad day.

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
Your Name
You Are A:	Indie Elitist
Your Favorite Band/Song	Sneaker Pimps - Low Five
You Like To Read:	Anything political
You Firmly Believe In:	Love at first sight
Everyone Thinks You Are:	The coolest person in history
You Were Conceived:	Backstage at a Queen concert
You Will Marry:	A nudist
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Fuckin hilarious. I laughed and then thought about how much free time this person has.




Comments (0) | Permalink

Is running water something you really need? [/scarcasm] (maybe)
I live in an apartment and recently they have strated the planed remodling of ALL of the apartments. Now since we have know about this since last fall this isn't much of a shock. But what was on my door when I got home from school was. There were two seprate notices. One was about the planned moving that everyone will have to do. Evetyone will be moving into diffrent apartments so renovations can be done. It was talking about how boxes will be aviliable in the front office, hat there will be movers to move fruniture and nothing elese, and that the apartments are on a 1st come 1st sereve basis. But the other notice was what got me cussing about the apartment manenger, Jamie. It was a notice about water shut off. Okay not a biggie we're moving. Biggie it be. Water shut off is tomorrow at 7:30am. So from what I know I wont have running water till some time in the near future which is anytime between now and the end of summer. Great just great. So how are we going to take showers or flush our towlets. Call me stuck up and vain but I am NOT going to squat behind a bush in a residental area. Woods while camping? If needed. But not right outside my own home. Right now I am half tempted to stalk down to the offices and start throataling people if I don't get some fucking anwsers! I'm going to stop ranting now that I've got my point across.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Sunday, April 25, 2004

Subject? We don't need no stinkin' subject.
I didn't update last night. Not like anyone really cares. But I don't really care about you so we're even. But I didn't update mainly because Chase was online for the first time in exactly a month since yesterday. so Chase and I talked about my issues, since he is my shrink, and he gave me homework. The homework is to get offline and call him. Most of my friends know I don't call people. I almost gave Spork a heart attack calling one Saturday, at a decent hour no less. Chase thinks I'm afraid of the phone. That's not the case. I just dont like it. Unlike most of my so called peers I don't have caller ID. I don't have an answering machine. I don't have three way calling. I don't have a cordless phone. And I don't have a cell phone. If they want to talk to me they can IM me. That's the whole reason I got AIM. Just for them. They should feel all loved.

(I also threated Derek a lot last night. Which is always fun. [evil grin])

But besides that nothing else really stopped me from updating this besides the fact that I type to fast and when the keys are hit they make to much noise because we have a shitty keyboard since I fried my last. Well back on track. When I was online last night my mom was asleep because she has to work this morning (she's there right now). So I didn't want to fill the entire house with the sound of key clicking. Why can't they make a stealth keyboard?

And even though I didn't put it in my intro you wonderous people still need to sign my guestbook or leave a comment on a post. I like feedback. It gives me a little reasurance that I'm not just typing all of this for my health.

Oh! CandyMan 3 is on. I'ma watch the movie now and talk to Dea. And yesh I am just using that as an excuse to stop typing on this. I also need to take my meds. So leave a comment or sign my guestbook. Or just IM me. I'm on AIM right now and will be till about 2 pm.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, April 24, 2004

   It's The End Of The World As We Know It And I Feel Fine.
Yesh it is. But more importantly the Nihilism store is open. And the stuff is cheap. Which means since I currently have money (shhh.) I can afford them. A grand total of $6.50 for everything with shipping and handling. I need to get a money order now. Or convince my mom to buy them with her paypal account and let me pay her back. I think I'll go with the money order idea. The pins are so cute. ^^ I know I'm all giddy over some pins but they are cute. I need to go so this is a short update I'll do a better one later. Probably when I get on later around 9 pm.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Friday, April 23, 2004

Oh where oh where has my poor MIDI gone oh where oh where could it be?
I go and change my intro and my MIDI goes all MIA. And it's saved on my dad's comp so till I go to his house again I am MIDI-less. And to top it all off it didn't make the URLs all linky. I think I may be whining. Well I guess since I couldn't really go into the links I will now.

MegaTokyo is a webcomic/manga drawn and written by Fred Gallager. It mainly foucuses on the exploits of Piro and Largo who are stranded in Japan. It's currently over 500 strips but worth the time to go thru all the archives.

Mac Hall is written by Matt Boyd and drawn by Ian McConville. It is mainly about Matt and Ian and their friends in college. It's better than I give it credit for. Go check it out. It's about 250 some odd strips.

Nihilism is the work of Adrie. It is a shonen-ai webcomic/manga but isn't anything that will burn your eyes out. And if you are looking for something that you can get into without dreding thru a lot of past comics this is what you want to go with. It's about 57 strips right now and is my current favorite. Check it out.

All of these are better than I give them credit for. So go read now.

But before you go I have something I need to just put out there.

Why do the people I know ask me for relationship advice? I'm currently involved witha fictional character. Why? Because fictional is t eh best baby.

And the other one. Crap I can't remember. I hate it when that happens. I might remember before I decide to go to bed but if I don't oh well.

I can't believe I posted here three times in one day. That's more than I've posted in the past week. Oh well. Batton down the hatches the end is in sight.
Comments (0) | Permalink