Thursday, May 19, 2005

   dressing like.... ... ... ... Preps!!! >-<

lol, today...Me, Dolly, and my other friend Katie all dressed up as preps today!!! >-< Even though I felt REALLY uncomfrontable...but still!! I wore a light purple shirt that had sleves that flared out. O.o ...and my pants had little metal thingys going up the sides... AND!!!! o.o ...my hair.... was in.....*whispers* pig-tails... ^^; My friend katie was wearing a short purple velet skirt!!!!! >-< IT WAS SOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!! But, now I'm dressed as normal... Which is SUCH a relieve!!! lol...well, nothing too much today. Final Exams are over.. .(I hope) B/c tomorrow, we are supposed to go to the park...bt if it rains!!1 Then we have to stay at the school and I'll have to finish up my socail studies fianl exam! DAMNIT!! >.< I DON'T WANT TO TRY TO FINISH MY FINAL EXAM!!!! *Sticks out tongue* OH!! annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd!!! ONLY 1 MORE DAY OF SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!! lol, well...buh-byes for now!! I'm going to finish my blue raspberry icee!!

Comments (3) | Permalink

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Konnichwa!!!

^_^ Hi! Well, nothing new here... but one thing...At school we are soing final Exams.. @.@ AHHH!!!!! SOOO MUCH TESTING!!!! AHHH!!! lol...I'm just really really REALLY hyper right now! Isn't it wodnerful? Wait... Don't answer that! ^-^ Well, when I got home, my grandma gave me a 8in by 12in sktechbook! My eyes just went O.O ..... "it's HUGE!!" lol. Well, guess what else???? TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!!TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL!!! ^_________________________________________________________________^ lol, well...I have added a new fan art... O.o but it scares me...just a tad! lol... prepare to be SHOCKED!!!!!!!!! lol...well...Buh-byes for know everyone!!! See ya!!!

Comments (3) | Permalink

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Accepting....

I'm sorry to everyone who visits my site, b/c I haven't posted anything for yesterday. @.@ Well...Yesterday, me and Alayna didn't even talk to each other. But, I see now that she has moved on, made new friends. And is probably a completely new person. I don't even know her anymore. But, I think I understand why I was crying so much...I didn't want to let go. At first when this was happening, I didn't even know that it was. I thought I had did something wrong, and she had hated me for it. but that wasn't it. We drifted apart. And there is nothing that can fix this anymore. And when I got a slap across the face by reality that one day. I didn't want to accept it at all. I thought there was still a little something of a chance that we could still fix this, but there wasn't...and I was just being stupid, selfish, and blind. But, since this REALLY makes her happy...Then I know what I must do. I must let go of her, no matter how hard it is to do. I have to go through it. This is just another journey for me to go through...and I must fight it, no matter how hard it is. and I think I'm just about to the end, I can feel it. I'm really accepting that this is over. Part of me wants to but a part of me still holds on that little hope that we can work this out. I have decided that part of me to be my sensitive side. I've noticed, that that side has been showing up more often...more then usual. But, now that I know that she has accepted our friendship to be over...that's all I can do know is accept it also. So...no more tears...no more hardache...no more depression, no more despair...Nothing but happiness...love, fun...anything that can help me move on. I know who I am now, and I love the feeling that I'm finally back to my old self...It makes me happy to know that...and the more I think about it...the more I think of myself as stupid, because I've been putting this stupid act all the time 24/7 and that wasn't right...I was lying not only to myself, but to my loved ones. My friends and family. But...I've accepted this to be over, and I wish her the best in life. I feel happiness right now, and that's what I've been wanting to feel for a long time. Thanks for all the support you all gave me...that was truely nice of you all...I hope you all have a great day... ^^ well, goodbye for now all...Until the next time I post (which will probably be tomorrow... lol) buh-byes!!!!

Comments (5) | Permalink

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Back from my friends

*heavy sigh* Well, we never got around to talking about ANYTHING! Me and Alayna got along fairly well though. I was surprised we didn't fight or anything. when I was there, I just wanted to cry out of happiness b/c she actually spoke to me...I liked it. but later on, when I got home from her apartment...I wanted to bawl my eyes out again. I duuno what for, I guess for the past two weeks, I've gotten so used to crying that I now want to do it more often. And another reason why is...I have in the back of my mind this thought...It's that Alayna won't talk to me again for a long time...I just have this vibe that she doesn't want me around anymore or anything...*sigh* but, we'll see what will happen on Monday. In other news: I drew this awesome picture!! I'm gonna be putting it up on my fanart soon... ^^; maybe about 10 minutes!! and right now it's 12:05 am eastern time. Two nights ago.... I swear something is so weird whenever I go into this half sleeping mood...I see stuff and hear things. O.o My body freezes up, I'm unable to move it at all...One time I could barely breathe. ._. ....but...two nights ago, I heard this voice of a little girl...maybe about 4 or 5 years old and she said in a creepy litte girl voice that all of them have "Let's go play with Phil" I fricken couldn't move for a second after that and finally snapped myself out of it to see no one was even there. *shifty eyes* Dunno what it was but still!! FREAKY!! >.< lol... Quizzes: ^^; Sakura18 took them and put them on her site, so I figured I do the same! AHAHA! (sorry..I've had a LOT of apple juice and it can get me really hyper after awhile ^^; ) .:;You are Driven by Determination;:. Strong-willed and straightforward, you are always set on your goal. Never wavering and always vigalant, you know exactly where you're going. You just need to figure out how to get there. Pros of this Drive: You know what you're doing and what you want. You've got a strong will, and always have your eyes set on the goal. Cons of this Drive: You tend to screen others out, being a bit tactless at times. You believe that you can do everything yourself. Cool off a bit, and listen to what others have to say. ~What Drives You to Your Goals?~ *Pics and many results!* (Girls only) brought to you by Quizilla The Tortured What human aspect fits your personality? (images) brought to you by Quizilla Life has no meaning and humans can't be saved. Although you have an urge to help in someway you give up before you even try. The reason is because you think you're a nobdy and therefor have no meaning to the world and can't help. All you do is watch life pass you by, becoming more deppressed each moment. How do you see life? brought to you by Quizilla Your soul is broken. You are living through a lot of pain everyday that you have to deal with, which is making you sorrowful. No one ever stays by your side when you truly need them and no one ever will. Everything is hopeless and tragic and you keep yearning for the day you will be free from pain. Love is unlikely to happen to you because you isolate yourself and are suspicious of peoples motives. You stand in the shadows of the world, watching what you can never have. The bruises you carry never seems to heal, your mind is dark and no one seems to understand or wants to help. As always, you will be alone in the world, fighting your dark thoughts by yourself. How is your soul?(pics) brought to you by Quizilla Interesting, aren't they... *rolls eyes* I ALWAYS get the same result...stupid morons... *sigh* hmmm...oh! and one more thing before I go..... *takes a deep breathe* ONLY ONE MORE WEEK OF SCHOOL LEFT UNTIL SUMMER VACATION THEN I'M FREE TO DO ANYTHING I WANT TO DO(with my mom's approval first) FOR 2 AND A HALF MONTHS!!! YAY!! lol...Sorry about that...I had to get it out of my system...^...well BYES! for now!

Comments (6) | Permalink

Friday, May 13, 2005

Heh heh

Today, I am going over to my friend's house. Katie's house. ^^ I plan to have fun. Last night I was thinking about something Alayna had told me. And, I think I did something she wanted me to do. She wanted me to be myself, and lately I haven't...I've been putting on this bad girl stupid act so people wouldn't see my true self. and last night, that person who I was hiding, got out. It felt really good, and now...I'm over that stupid act. ^^ and I hope tomorrow goes good... I want to be best friends with Alayna again... I just have to pray and hope to god that everything goes all right...this is my final chance. So I can't screw this up, I have to be myself, and face what I have done. Well, wish me luck tomorrow! buh byes!!

Comments (4) | Permalink

Thursday, May 12, 2005

   ....

Today, I went on a fricken feild trip.... -.- I swear we walked about a mile today... *yawn* when I got home, I took a four hour nap... ^^;....heh heh...anyways...The feild trip was at the park... and almost every song that I liked made me think of Alayna... EVERYTHING!! I almost started crying... (damn hormones...)And this Saturday, me and Alayna are going to do our best to work this out one final time... and if that doesn't work...then I will truely lose my best friend. She told me some things I did that really annyoed her. But I still don't understand why it tore us apart... I will try my best to work this out...but I don't really want to go over to Katie's to work this out, but she feels comfrontable in front of Katie talking about this. It's not that I don't feel confrontable...It's just that I'm afriad of crying right in front of them. I don't like people seeing me cry...I never really did and I won't start now. When I was talking on the phone to Alayna, I was trying to play a game at the same time to keep my mind not fully on Alayna so I wouldn't cry...the hell with that. It didn't work...I just started crying silently, so I don't know if she heard it or not. Dunno how good her hearing is. I told her a couple of things as well, but I don't want to have to repeat them in front of Katie, because she was one of the things I said... (no offense Katie...) *sigh* I don't want to hurt anyone, but I want to work this out with Alayna... I dunno what's going to happen Saturday...all I know is that I'll most likely start sheding tears. Everynight I've cried myself to sleep over this. and inside ( while I'm around others) I'll act like I'm happy and hyper, but on the inside I'm just cawling my eyes out. Alayna is always on my mind now, she never leaves it. *sigh* I hope this works out, and if it doesn't...then I'll say it again I'll lose my best friend... Well, that's all for today...Goodbye...

Comments (3) | Permalink

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

*heavy sigh*

I really have nothing to say, I have failed my godd friend...I just wish I could of said what I wrote in her note to her face..It might of I dunno done more. When I finally went to sleep (which was about 12 am) I was crying, I cried last night for about 2 hours. I want to fix what is broken between my friend...but It no longer can be helped. This has gone WAY too far. and Her and my other friend got into a fight just because of me. And that isn't right nor is it fair to them... So If my friend Alayna doesn't want me in her life then so be it. If that what truely makes her happy then I should accept it. I shouldn't be trying to hold on to her if she is all ready gone. I know I still have Katie and Dolly, and that they will always be there for me no matter what.... and I'm here for them and Alayna, if she ever comes back... I know I will miss her terriblely...but, IT's best if it makes her happy...I just want them to be happy no matter what happens to me...I would sell my soul to the bottomless pits of hell for all three of them... I just pray to God that they know that. All three of them. Katie, Dolly, AND Alayna... I don't care if she doesn't like me...I will always love her....no matter what happens... Even though, I know she is gone, and I know this can no longer be fixed, but my heart, my mind and my soul do not want to accept this... I want to stay in the little reality where everything is just peachy and fine, but then I can't, becuase that's lying to myself... And the more I talk about this the more I just want to bawl my eyes out... I'm trying not to, I've all ready cried enough over this... *sigh* I just wish everything would be fixed and things would go back to normal, like before... But now I realize, that if I want her to be happy, then I have to leave her life....for now, and forever... Soo...I'm going to get off here now, Goodbye all....

Comments (4) | Permalink

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

   dunno what to do

Hn, I'm just sitting here listening to music...and drawing of course! I always do! Hn, but you know what?? Life just sucks!! >.< IT's long boring and there's nothing to do butbe bron, go to school for 13 years, work for 60 years and then die and rot in the ground... -.- gee what a PERFECT LIFE! >.< *sigh* I dunno, lately I just get so depressed and stuff, Mainly they are just mood swings that I've been having lately and I'm not saying the reason for that one... (And no it isn't...what you might be thinking -.- pervs.) Nothing fricken helps, I just put on this happy/hyper act in front of people so they don't think I'm depressed and upset and stuff...I just hope these STUPID MOOD SWINGS will end soon... Today in school we didn't really do anything, I drew a indain girl, and then had to go do these stupid scantron testing... I swear they drain the fricken life out of you!! And now, I'm beginning to think maybe I'm silly and too obsessed over Hiei... I'm sooo stupid for loving a person who never will be real. And when there's sooo many other people who like him. *sigh* Hn, go figure I'd go for someone who is seemingly cold hearted at times...ehh oh well!! I'm also getting myself into j-rock! Like Dir en Grey... I LOVED the music video for Obscure! It was awesome...heh heh...I like Kyo's voice. ^^; heh... I dunno why but I do so XP on you all! OH and Gomen nasai for not posting in a couple of days, just didn't have the time, ya know?? I've been busy with this little group thing I made of Yu Yu Hakusho...on MSN ....sooo yeah...and it's not going very well cause not a lot of people go to my site -.- .....Gee I feel loved...lol, well That's all for today, I'm going to be putting up some new fan art on here so keep a eye out! buh-byes!!

Comments (5) | Permalink

Sunday, May 8, 2005

Mother's Day

Hello all...It's mother's day today. ^^ Thank you mom for all that you've done for me...You raised me since the day I was a 7 pound baby who almost killed you while you were in labor. I don't know what I would do without her...If she were to leave me. I would be lost forever. I really love my mother...and I know she loves me...even if she gets on my nerves at times. She's an awesome mom who deserves respect not only on this day, but on everyday. And with that said I love you mother, and I wish you a happy mother's day.... ^_^

Comments (6) | Permalink

Saturday, May 7, 2005

   13 minutes into the day, and I'm posting...

12:13 am: hn, I'm bored....It's early EARLY in the morning...*shrugs* and I'm still up! ^^; Hmm...I got bored, and typed a stupid damn poem...I don't know why I wrote this... IT doesn't mean ANYTHING towards me... You are walking into the darkness, not knowing what lies ahead, No friends, no family, what kind of life is that? Why walk into the darkness, cutting yourself from the rest of the world, when all it does, is hurt you? Why do you ignore me? I cry for you to stop, to stop walking into the darkness without me. I will miss you too much, Sheding the tears you can't catch, the tears you'll never see, if you go into the darkness without me. I love you so much, Can you feel it? Can you feel the happiness I feel when I'm around you? Can you tell how upset I am when you are absent? When you are in the darkness? I miss you, I want you back, but only god knows when that will be. Maybe, you'll never come back, once you're in the darkness. Did you know how much I love you? I would sell my soul, to the bottemless pits of hell for you. But you'll never know, if you are in the darkness. You are everything to me, I'm broken, I don't feel right, when you're gone into the darkness. Maybe I should go with you? Into the darkness you'll be getting yourself into. I can't be away from you. You are apart of me. If you were to leave, I am to die. I cannot live without you. You are everything to me. No matter how much into the darkness we have to go, No matter what happens there, I will always love you... For some reason, I'll write these when I am bored...*shrugs* I don't have a boyfriend or anything, so I dunno why I write these poems when I'm bored. I mean the closes thing I have to a boyfriend is Hiei, (even though he's hate me but hey! A person's gotta try...right?) ....I really wish I write these...*stretches* OH well, I'll figure that out another day. Good night all!! *yawns*..... and now it is 26 minutes into the day here.... 12:26 am ^^ buh-byes peoples!

Comments (5) | Permalink