Sunday, March 27, 2005

New Background

Hey...I found this wallpaper, and I really liked it. I'm still obsessed with Hiei and everything, but I'm trying not to be so obsessed all the time, I've noticed that the people around me are starting to get annoyed by it...*sigh* So, I'm doing my best not to be so obsessed. I'm starting to get better...but the more I don't think about him the more I feel like something is missing. *shakes head* and my damn otaku name just has to have Hiei in it. I will forever love Hiei. But I shouldn't be so obsessive, I shouldn't let Hiei own me. I should grow up and move on...but part of me doesn't want to...and that's about 95% of me But...I'm trying to do it. But...why is it so hard?

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^.^ Happy Easter!!

Happy Easter everyone!! ^.^ Well, today I hung out with my sis...Dolly! ^-^ It was really fun, because yesterday we went to the mall for about 4 hours... O.o too long for my taste...but oh well!!! I got 4 mangas and a couple of necklaces! -.-; I spent 67 dollars total! Luckily I had the money teehee O.o please tell me I just didn't do that! lol...well...after that we went back to Dolly's place...And we had Asian food!!!! ^.^ Yummy!! lol. annnnddd....We stayed up until at least 1 am...*yawn* but I don't understand why I am so tired. but oh well....once again...HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS!!!!!!!!

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Friday, March 25, 2005

PERVS SURROUND ME!

Today....soooooooo many perverts...*shivers* I know they were playing, but still...I don't like it. I mean, today at school...During lunch. My friend was being a prev to me. bouncing a juice thingy at my boob and watching it bounce off. Then this kid in front of his friends pointed at me yelling "I want to have your children!" *shivers* then I forgot my purse when I was about to go to fifth period. and I had to go back to my 4th period class room to get it. When I walked in...-.- People whistled at me! Damn them all...thjey just love to get me pissed off...don't they? Well guess what! I'm not going to let it bother me. I'm in a good modd and I'm not going to let things like that pout me down! Anyways...Tomorrow is Dolly's B-day party! HAPPY EARLY B-DAY DOLLY!!

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Thursday, March 24, 2005

damn mother fuckers

I'm sooooo pissed right now...People at my school apparently saw my drawing...it was of a naked anime woman. (No, I will not show it on here._ It was meant for someone. And those people who saw it showed others. And they started saying things about me. *sigh* I hate people. I hate this life at times. It's so hard at times...People who make fun of others just don't understand how hard it is for that person. They started asking me stuff about the drawing. Saying this like "I'll get in trouble with my mom" and "You're too young to be drawing that kind of stuff" Dude! I wanted to draw it. 1) because someone requested it 2) To prove to myself that I could do it. Buuuuut noooo they think I'm too young and immature to be looking or drawing that kind of stuff. Hell!!! If I want to look at porn I can just as easily look at myself. but humans fail to see or listen. I hate them. Even though...at times I act like one...because I won't understand something when it's right in my face. I have to live with these humans everyday! Of course it's going to ware off on me. And not too long ago...I was treated like I was a little kid by someone my own age. I sat there and said "I know...I know" Buuut...no...They think I won't understand. she stopped and said that and I went "I know, I don't understand anything." and she agreed with me. Hell...I hate it when people belittle me. They underestimate me...I don't know what I am capable of...damn them all.

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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

^.^ I have drawings to show people!

I have a few here...! ^.^ Soo let's start...shall we? I like this one...plus I drew it today! ^.^ ^.^ HIEI! Ohh...I like this one too! CHIBI KURAMA!! ^.^ ^.^ I LOVE THIS ONE!! It's me and Hiei...I'm rubbing his ass! CHIBI HIEI!! Inuyasha... O.O Hiei...again...lol This is supposed to be me and my friend Alayna if we were in the show Inyasha...I'm a cat demon and she's the wolf demon! ] My first vampire picture! Hmm...I'm not too sure what this is supposed to be... It's a Yusuke head! Umm...I made up this one! I like this drawing...and a lot of others do too! ^.^ Well....that's it...So...wanna think?!

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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

*yaaaaaaaaaaaaawn*

I feel really really really tired right now...I went to bed at 10:30 last night though! >.< But...I think I know the reason for me being so tired. I went to sleep while I was meditating...*sigh* Stupid me. I started at 10:30 pm and woke up at 4:00 am to realize what I've done...Let's see what happened today...Nothing too much...Just the same old thing everyday. I hate it! Life is to boring...No excitment...*shakes head* but...oh well...Umm...I finally got a 100 on an algebra paper! ^_^ I normally get 50's - 80's .... o.o I've never failed or have come close to failing a class in my life! Before Algebra! >.< *sigh* Nothing really has happened though...I've had a guy call me a dork today, but I'm used to being called names. *shrugs* That's been happening since a was little. I've never let it bother me. In other news: My older brother finally moved away from me for good!!!! ^___^ I hate my older brother. And people out there don't say anything like "You should love your brother" and things like that. You wouldn't say that if you knew what happened between me and him. I'm not accusing you of saying it, but STILL that's only if you do. Last night, I had another strange dream. It was different. I was walking alone, hearing this voice calling out to me. ._. I hate it when dreams start out like that. I finally started screaming at the voice, because I couldn't understand what it was saying...and I got no reponse...Then I saw Dolly, Alayna and Kaite...Talking to each other. I went up to them and they didn't even notice me! I started to get pissed, and tried to slap them but then something grabed my hand. I pulled and pulled until I finally look at what was holding me...But...there was noone there, I looked at my wrist and it was red as hell. As if someone just gave one painful indain burn. (don't you hate those?!) I looked back at my friends, and they were walking away from me, then I heard a different voice saying "Friends are a crutch for the weak" (XD HIEI QUOTE!!) I yelled "Yeah...well...pople who don't have true frined norammly die off because without them I'd be lost! I'm not weak, I except them and they except me for who I am, no matter what! So just shut the hell up because you know nothing at all!" After that, I looked down, and saw blood all over my feet. I tried to see were it was coming from, and it was coming from...my throat. O.o But...I couldn't feel it...I just saw it and then it was gone. Then everything went black. And I was with my friends again. Yelling at them to Say something to me! and they looked at me like I was crazy. They finally noticed me...but...I'm not sure...because when I turned around...I saw clowns! (MY WORST FEAR!!) I screamed...and...I ran through Dolly. That's when I realized...I was...dead. I didn't understand this one...but then I heard Dolly... Talking about me. I was waving a hand in front of her, and nothing was happening. She was saying "Man! It's not the same without sis!" I looked around and then felt my throat again. Looking at the blood. I didn't know what was going on anymore, but Alayna was starting to feel sick to her stomach and Kaite was looking around. I was screaming. "COME ON! I CAN'T BE DEAD!!!" I tried to hit them...I tried to kick them but everytime I did I wentr through them. After I kicked a final time, They went away because they said they were getting super cold in that area. So...I tried to float...It didn't work. I thought to myself, "How am I a ghost if I can't float?" I shook it off...then I found out that...I had a chain on my wrist. I was staring at it in awe. I ran after them yelling for them. Then Dolly tapped on Alayna's shoulder and asked, "Do you hear something?" She shook her head. I couldn't do a thing, I had blood on me, a chian...and they couldn't hear or see me. Then...I saw my steckbook laying on the ground...I could tell it was mind because of the pics on front. The wind opened it to a page full of chibis. The chibis were drawings of me, Alayna, Kaite, and Dolly...all having fun. Then it turned to the next page. Which had Me and Alayna at different sides of the page, and then all four of us at different corners of the page...the page then flipped to a colored page that was blood red. and then to a page. With little chibis of us...Well, of them. It had them all happy, and me watching them...not with them, but behind them. They were laughing and I was bleeding...then the page flipped again. and it had them. ARound them was....fire. and then......then I woke up. I dunno...stragne dream I guess...Well...that it for now...I have to eat! byes!

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Monday, March 21, 2005

@.@ My mind hurts!

I have just spent 3 fucking hours how 10 fucking algebra problem!! MY BRAIN HURTS!!! ;-; Oh...and...I won a contest...^-^; buuut...I enter the contest before x-mas and found out that the prize that I won was the same as one of the prestens from x-mas. @.@ So now I have 2 yu yu hakusho calendars!!! ^___^ Umm...and I don't know what's going between me and Alayna...We're okay in front of each other then online...everything changes...I said one sarcastic thing to he and she kind of bit my head off...Something's wrong...I can tell...I asked what it was and she just said no. *sigh* I just don't know what to do anymore...

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Saturday, March 19, 2005

*sigh*

Damnit all to hell! My father told me he would be coming up (he lives a few states away...I live in Kentucky...He lives in Texas) this weekend...but never did! Pfft...I should of known it was all a lie...all of it! Why do I believe him anymore?! *sigh* I have one losey father...Oh well...I just need to forget about him. *sigh* I thought me and Alayna were okay, but...I was wrong...I'm losing my best friend! I don't want to...but it seems that's how fate has it...*sigh* I really like her..I want to talk to her and tell her I'm sorry for what I've done, but when I talk to her, I can't find the words to say it. *sigh* this is one of my worse weekends ever! It sucks! I'm losing my best friend...and my no good father decides not to show up...I really can't see how this day can get worse...*sigh* and I've been too blind to understand what Alayna felt when she told me that she misses the way I was when we first met...Now I understand...Because...I miss the way my father used to be when I was little...He was always there for me. And now, he's too preoccupied with his new family to even notice me...*sigh* But anyways...I understand how Alayna felt now...It really hurts when you see someone you hold close to you change and then you don't even know them anymore. *shakes head* I just wish...I realized it sooner... To Alayna: Look, I'm very sorry...I've been a little bitch to you and everyone else...and I shouldn't been that way...When you ask if something is wrong and I don't tell you...I'm sorry for that to...Friends shouldn't keep secrets from one another. *sigh* I apologize for my actions...I never thought that this would happen. Shows how much I know things. But, all I want now is to be friends with you again...I don't want to fight with you...I never did...I don't know what happened...I guess ever since school started and after we met Katie and when you met Dolly for the first time, we just sort of grew apart...We were so close...What happened to us...Talk to me please...Through e-mail, the phone, im, private messaging...I don't care! I really miss you...

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Friday, March 18, 2005

^____^

YAY!!! Me and Alayna made up!! I thought we weren't going to be friends anymore! But I was wrong!! Last night when I went to bed...I cried myself to sleep for the first time in a while. ._. And My dream was the weirdest ever!!! I was with Alayna and Dolly...and I saw my older brother... ._. He was dead! There was a lot of blood...and then I ran off...sobbing and then everything went black. Later on I was with Dolly and Alayna agian...I was very silent and Solly went "What's wrong?" Alayna: "Think about it Dolly!" Dolly: "Oh...her brother being dead?" then I started to cry again...and Alayna: "Way to go!" then she walked out...and Dolly: "Umm...what did I say?" then we heard Alayna scream, we ran into her room, and she was dead!!!! Then I woke up in an instint after I saw that I was missing teeth...and there was teeth around Alayna's blood... *shakes head* Another reason why I woke up was because...My bladder was full and I had to go take a piss...Nice to know huh? Well anyways...I've been having strange dreams ever since I took down my dreamcatcher... o.o I don't understand it. But I'm really REALLY happy that me and Alayna are okay again! ^-^ She's my best friend and I never want to lose her....no matter what... Same goes for my sister (Dolly) and my other best friend!

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Thursday, March 17, 2005

   hmm...everything seemingly confuses me...

I thought my friend didn't really like me anymore, and I found out that....it's not ture...she actually thought that I didn't want to really talk to her anymore that much...because whenever something's wrong...-.- My 3 insane buds notice...WHY?! Because I become really distant!! Mainly...I go into Hiei-mode damn me and my...thingys... @.@ IU don't know...I've just been really confused lately...I'm starting to feel like something is missing, and I can't find it. It's missing...*sigh* And...now...In my little Fire demon terms. My flame is...well....very little now...It's hard to see in the dark. Something is keeping my flame lite. But...it's very dim...It looks like it's about to go out. but it won't. My friends are my flame...they are the ones that help me see when I'm in the dark. Without them...I'll be a lonely fire demon...wandering in the dark...forever. This little flame is all I have left...but what's keeping it lite I'm not sure. I wish I knew, but....it seems to be impossible for me to ever know these things...It's like a mental blockage and it's keeping me from finding out certain things. Oh well...I'll find it...one day...I hope...

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