Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Accepting....

I'm sorry to everyone who visits my site, b/c I haven't posted anything for yesterday. @.@ Well...Yesterday, me and Alayna didn't even talk to each other. But, I see now that she has moved on, made new friends. And is probably a completely new person. I don't even know her anymore. But, I think I understand why I was crying so much...I didn't want to let go. At first when this was happening, I didn't even know that it was. I thought I had did something wrong, and she had hated me for it. but that wasn't it. We drifted apart. And there is nothing that can fix this anymore. And when I got a slap across the face by reality that one day. I didn't want to accept it at all. I thought there was still a little something of a chance that we could still fix this, but there wasn't...and I was just being stupid, selfish, and blind. But, since this REALLY makes her happy...Then I know what I must do. I must let go of her, no matter how hard it is to do. I have to go through it. This is just another journey for me to go through...and I must fight it, no matter how hard it is. and I think I'm just about to the end, I can feel it. I'm really accepting that this is over. Part of me wants to but a part of me still holds on that little hope that we can work this out. I have decided that part of me to be my sensitive side. I've noticed, that that side has been showing up more often...more then usual. But, now that I know that she has accepted our friendship to be over...that's all I can do know is accept it also. So...no more tears...no more hardache...no more depression, no more despair...Nothing but happiness...love, fun...anything that can help me move on. I know who I am now, and I love the feeling that I'm finally back to my old self...It makes me happy to know that...and the more I think about it...the more I think of myself as stupid, because I've been putting this stupid act all the time 24/7 and that wasn't right...I was lying not only to myself, but to my loved ones. My friends and family. But...I've accepted this to be over, and I wish her the best in life. I feel happiness right now, and that's what I've been wanting to feel for a long time. Thanks for all the support you all gave me...that was truely nice of you all...I hope you all have a great day... ^^ well, goodbye for now all...Until the next time I post (which will probably be tomorrow... lol) buh-byes!!!!

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